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Talking to your partner about your preference, a thread

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Well-Known Member
Sep 29, 2019
New england
When I was first beginning my relationship, I was still coming to terms with my preferences, and was worried about how I would talk to my partner about it. I remember scouring the internet in search of ideas, but most everything didn't seem actually applicable to real life. So I wanted to now pay things forward to future young FAs and write a little post here about the things I've found work well.

Two things to keep in mind, firstly this advice is not going to work for every couple. Secondly, I am not into feederism, so my advice won't include that stuff. Someone else, feel free to chime in with your own advice!

1. Avoid the temptation to have THE TALK

I think it has come to all of our minds to just spill the beans all at once in one big "talk". After all, I preach honesty in relationships. However, I believe there are more tactful ways to approach this. You will assuredly run into cultural or personal barriers or prejudices about size acceptance, and asking your partner to cast aside decades of that mentality all at once is unfair. A slower, subtle approach works best. Let them come to the realization that you like their body as it is, don't force the issue.

2. NEVER ask your partner to change their body for you.

You should not directly be ever saying "I want you to gain weight" unprompted. You will only make your partner feel like their current body is not good enough. That said, feel free to show your appreciation for any changes that happen. If your partner gains weight, that's a great opportunity to express how you think they look even better that way. Again, subtlety and honesty combined is the key.

3. Incorporate your feelings into the affection you give.

This is very important. A great way to build positive body image in your partner while also opening up about your preference is to work your preferences into your affections. If you are in bed with your partner, maybe kiss their belly. During the day, randomly give them a hug from behind and caress their middriff as you tell them you love them. Stuff like that. Let your actions do the talking when it comes to FAstuff, your spoken words should just be words of love and admiration.

4. Don't ever lie about their body

There are two main points here. If they ask if you have a preference for larger bodies, tell the truth. You want that truth out there, and if they are willing to ask, they should be comfortable with either answer. Secondly, don't lie to them about their weight. I know we are all trained to white lie ("no you don't look big at all") but by lying you just reinforce the idea that their weight is a bad thing. Your partner isn't stupid, they know what they look like. Be honest. So for example, if they say dejectedly "I've gotten so fat", don't respond with "no you haven't", instead say something like "and you look more beautiful/handsome than ever".

Anyways, that's all for tonight, I'll add more later. Feel.free to contribute your own advice, I am just one person.

Thank you!

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