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Being a feeder is so hard.

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May 25, 2024
I wanna preface by saying, I'm super inexperienced with interpersonal relationships, I can analyze data but not people. So recently I had someone I reach out to me about needing a place to stay,
Hope you've been well tho; I wanted to ask if the offer to be at your place still stands? At least temporarily...
And of course, ya can feed me as much as you want lmao

Offer still stands! When were you planning on moving in? I’ll have to make accommodations and arrangements for you
I hope this allows you to build stability and I’ll set some ground rules. I really hope that things start turning around for you. I’m so so sorry to hear you have to couch surf. Life is tough but you got this
I appreciate it...Been tryna find a job but struggling pretty badly
No place seems to really want to hire me lmao

I was under the impression they were experiencing homelessness, they were someone I knew from a while back and had feelings for. So for some background context I used to live in a relatively affluent apartment complex before I started college. This person was under the impression that I lived there (remember this detail) they asked if they could crash temporarily and I was like sure and I gave them some money to help get them get by for a few days. I knew them through the feedism community previously. They were bringing up the potential of being a live in feedee. I entertained the idea, but I was more concerned about their well being :(. I was sad to see that they were in a bad place.

Anyways I gave them my address and asked if they had any accommodations that needed to be met. They said "I just need Sensodyne and somewhere to sleep". So I bought some toothpaste and an air mattress for them, I also rearranged my room and spent 4 hours for them to have somewhere to be comfortable. Unfortunately things got confusing from here. She said that she needed a place to stay because she needed space from her partner " and not that she was at the risk of being homeless, I was confused that she was living with her partner but somehow homeless and please correct me if I'm being insensitive.

It’s ok we’ll take it one step at a time.
Where have you been staying btw?

Bouncing around from place to place, recently been at someone close to me for a bit. Tension has been getting high though with them because we can never give eachother any space
She has really bad PTSD so it creates a lot of issues day to day ;v;

Oh welp I hope I can get you space to breathe damn that’s no fun

Hopefully yeah ^^ It's been really stressful
I'll definitely stay at my partners place again, just not all the time
because it puts strain on the relationship, ya know?

Ummmm???? Im confused

How-so? :0

So you and you're partner are staying together but you are having bad tension together? Or you at a family members?

Oh I don't have any family anywhere near this part of the country lmao
It's my partner whom I have been staying with and developing tension with because im here all the time
Also none of my family is close with me really

So eventually I gave her my address. She then started to ask if it was okay if I she could hop between my place and her partners and my place. This is where I started to dwelve into further confusion. She was then shocked by the fact that I had moved. I offered her a place to stay here.
Also I do want to preface this by saying that I may be there on and off, might jump between spaces if thats okay?
Between my place and your partners?
Also just looked up your address and you moved :0 !
I did. I pay half of what I did at the other place, plus its closer to school
Im a full time student @College now, studying physics, ill be doing research at the University over the summer
My new place is smaller but it does its job, well make it work. Im not sure if youd be even comfortable sharing a place with me
Hmm well
How about this; I'll come over and we can hang out, you can stuff me if u want and then we can see if that small of a space could work
also studying physics is sick!! I hope its going well :3
also why'd you wait till now to reach out???
Idk really, I just often have a lot on my mind
Didn't come to mind until you sent that $20, which ty btw
Of course!
When I don't have anyone to spoil, I always default to you idk why
Did I even tell you about my feeder, feedee experience?

So I tell her about my previous feedee which went amazing until we had to seperate (seperate story) and I told her she could comeover and move in when she felt like it. I don't live in a fancy apartment anymore since I wasn't working full time anymore. (That was the detail I told you to hold.) So anyways the day passes and it soon falls to night and I hear no response so I reach out wondering if I would anticipate her arrival.
Me: {7:02} PM
Hey just checking in? You still planning to come over?

Person: {10:21} PM
Hey sorry I got busy with some friends that came over
I might not come over tonight, i apologize

Not only did this further confused me, I was upset due to the lack of communication. I thought the situation was urgent. But it wasn't apparent. In the next text section I deleted some text because I felt like it wasn't fitting given the impression I had of the circumstance. Along the lines of "No rush on finding a job, and ill let you pick whatever food place you want to binge atleast once a week" but it was apparent the message still was understood.

The following texts are from today

I saw a message but im guessing you deleted it(?)
However, that offer is incredibly enticing :p im not gonna act like being a live-in feedee isnt a huge dream of mine (edited)

My gut said that wasn’t the best thing to say so I deleted it , but since you saw it and it didn’t freak you out that sounds good!

In all honesty, while im there — you're welcome to feed me like crazy every day :3

When you come well do some grocery shopping and ill let you order whatever you want

The text then got really heated after she found a better place, and I felt like I invested a lot of time getting ready. Originally I was going to respond with its okay I understand. But a delayed nerve struck and I felt so dumb at my self. I figured this person wasn't good to have around so I gave them a piece of that nerve and they didn't like that.


Hey!! I hate to say this but it turns out I found a place I can stay that's much closer to all my therapy appointments and such than where you are. I was moving pretty far away from a lot of my regular stuff like that if I moved to you, but didnt have any other options in the moment really
i hate to bring it up now but i just had a friend contact me today about it

I understand

Actually….. what the hell? All a sudden “conditions changed” thank god I didn’t order anything, You should really be more careful before asking for help from people. I was trying to be nice and you just burned me. Don’t ask for anything from me if you just treat people like commodities.


I burned you because my life is volatile and a better option appeared in the moment that puts less strain on me, an option that allows me to get to appointments easily that benefit my mental and physical health?

I didnt gain anything from you, it would've been a commodity if I actually gained something and threw you to the side. If you cant handle the volatility of the homeless condition that changes on a dime, especially when that change greatly benefits me, then dont help others at all.

And dont even try to guilt trip me into feeling bad, its completely valid to be kinda upset because you had prepared for my arrival, but I'm not going to have take behaviour like that to me when im trying to do whats best for me.
I gave you pretty clear communication and let you know what happened as things happened
As a note, I dont particularly care for your response. Save your energy and time studying. You obviously gave thought to the situation and gave me that response. I doubt your stance will change
Put your energy towards something that matters for yourself
Have a good day

I’m sorry your life is insurmountably negative but that’s life. You don’t have to explode on people like this. You’re not the only person going through shit.

This felt good to vent...... Feeeeewwwfffffff Side Note: I ended up getting blocked and feeling bad. Im so bad at peopling.
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