SSSBW, Mystery, Mild sex. ~XWG - PI given job of finding out who fattened a femme fatale - and they fall for one another. The Big SweetA Richard Christopher MysterybyMaxwell Arden It was another hot, boring, lonely night in LA. I broke the seal on a new bottle of Scotch...It had an empty brother in my wastebasket. Had the brother been full I might have considered calling my AA sponsor, but since I had only taken the last shot I figured it could slide this time. I lit another Camel and stared at the phone but it didn't seem to be intimidated. On nights like these I wished I kept tropical fish. At least I'd have something to look at. I was about to lock up the office for the night when, she walked in. The skirt was a shade under 5' 5'', around 350 pounds and all of them worked. She was a moon-faced blonde with well-placed dimples and a thorough knowledge of how and when to use them. I decided not to lock up just then... '' My name is Candace Lavaricci. Are you Richard Christopher?'' She asked in a voice that precluded Viagra ''That's what it says on the door, sister,'' I replied "You can call me Dick." I was a little tipsy, and my manners are lousy when I'm sober ''Smart Guy...Well Colonel Sanders’ Picture's at all the KFC's but he isn't,'' she sneered, and even her sneer was sexy... ''You look like you may have done a lot of research into that,'' I smirked. She moved further into light. She was wearing a clingy white sleeveless number that highlighted her ampleness perfectly. She bent over to adjust the stocking on her large shapely calf, revealing a good 8 inches of cleavage. She looked up and said ''You’ve got something against Fat Girls?'' ''Not yet '', I replied, “but give me time. I'm a slow worker'' She sauntered over to my chair, dimples flashing, and said ''Maybe I can help speed things up.'' ''I'm sure a girl like you could do anything she set her mind to. And speaking of minds, what's on yours?'' I said , making certain adjustments. “Do I look familiar to you at all?” she asked. I stared into the deep blue eyes, scanned the fullness of her ruby red lips, and traced the soft roundness of her chins. “Maybe around the eyes”, I said. “Do you ever go to the movies, Dick?” she asked with widening eyes. “I try not to. They make my brain hurt” “ So the name Candy Landon doesn’t ring a bell?” “Nary a tinkle. Is that you?” “It used to be”, she said, looking at the floor. “And why isn’t it you anymore?” I inquired. “There isn’t much call for 350 pound Sex Symbols “, she pouted. She had a very sexy pout. “More’s the pity”, I opined offering her a Camel, which she declined. “Don’t tease me!” she glared. “Who’s teasing? I stopped drawing stick figures when I was a kid,” I said meeting her stare head on. She pulled a lace hanky from her clutch, and dabbed at her nose. “I want you to find out who did this to me” she said finally. “Did what to you? You’re losing me sister”. Candace Lavaricci or Candy Landon looked me straight in the eye and said quite directly “Last Friday I was less than half this size. I’ve gained 240 pounds in a week.” In spite of myself I snorted derisively, but I could see from the hurt in her eyes that she was dead serious. “Sorry”, I said. It was my version of a profound apology. “Tell me about it” She sighed a little then began “ I’m not sure how…All I know that I went to bed on Saturday night weighing 110 pounds and when I got up I was 40 pounds heavier” “ That’s impossible” I muttered, surprised that I had actually verbalized what I was thinking. “So they tell me. Anyway the next day I was 190. The day after I was up to 230. I’ve been to every doctor in town. I’ve been pinched, poked, and calipered and the only thing they can all agree about is that I’m getting very fat, very fast. And unless I find some way to counteract this before my new picture starts shooting, I’ll be the world’s first 600 lb. Mata Hari ” I’d be lying if I said the idea of a larger version of Candy Landon in belly dancing drag didn’t appeal to me but this was supposed to be business. “You said you wanted me to find out who did this to you. Why do you think somebody would deliberately try to fatten you up?” “I don’t know”, She said, “but I suspect it has something to do with these.” She removed a medium sized heart shaped box from her purse and tossed it on my desk.”They started arriving daily at my house starting last Friday”. “Why not just not eat them?” I asked “They are very addictive,” she sighed. It was , from all outward appearances, your standard candy box. Embossed on the top lid was the name Bergman Bros Bon Bons. I took the lid off and inside were 2 round, rich dark brown pieces of chocolate , the fragrance from which seemed to suddenly envelope the room. And just as suddenly Candy was out of her chair, eyes wide with desire staring at the confections as if she were a strung out junkie and the chocolates were a fix. I quickly replaced the lid to the box and she calmed down in short order. She leaned on the desk and hit me with both blues. “Thank you… Something happens to me when I smell those chocolates. I lose control…” ''Aww and here I was getting all worked up thinking it was me,'' I replied , only half kidding. Something about her got my hydraulics suddenly working overtime. '' I can see that,” she mewed. ”With a Pup tent like that, you must have been a Boy Scout.'' She slowly approached my chair as she let down her blonde mane and purred ''Now me, I've always liked Boy Scouts, but they were a bit too young for me...But you don't have that problem. Do you, Dick?'' ''Wanna see my driver's licence?'' I offered '' Uh uh,'' she said straddling me, '' I want to see you drive'' Now normally at this point somebody uses my head for batting practice and I dive into the old reliable black pool. But for some reason, call it karma or luck, it didn't happen that night. Instead I dove into waves of soft flesh and never wanted to stop swimming. When we finished I thanked her for the use of the vehicle. Candy Landon suddenly looked as if she had been doused with a bucket of ice water. She stared at me like she was trying to figure out who I was, then remembered and gingerly climbed off of me. “I’m sorry…We shouldn’t have done that”, she said, barely above a whisper. “I realize that may not have been my best,” I said, “But trust me, I improve with practice”. I was trying to joke, but she wasn’t in the mood. She adjusted her dress and her stockings in a much less suggestive manor. It was as if Salma Hayek had turned into Julie Andrews in a flash. “ Will you take the case?” She asked, primly, “Time is of the essence, I’ve been keeping a very low profile. But if someone from the tabloids should find out what’s happened and gets a picture of me at this size, my career will be over. I need to know. Will you do this?” Against my better judgement. I agreed. * * * Bergman Brother Bon Bons had been around since the Oil Boom. It specialized in custom made confections for the well heeled chocolate junkie. No Hershey Bars here. I drove to the address she gave me but when I tried to enter, I was stopped in my tracks by a doorman the size of Mount Rushmore, and just about as soft. ''We're closed,'' he said in a voice vaguely reminiscent of the Northridge Earthquake. ''If you're closed what are you doing here, Kong?'' I asked, searching for logic in spite its absence. ''I am here to tell people we are closed. You got a problem with that?'' he queried. As Popeye always said 'Ask a stupid question and you'll get one back.' '' No, I have no problem with that. In fact I think you're doing a fine job. You told me good and properly that you were closed. Now I wonder if you might tell me why are you closed?'' I tried again. The man mountain thought about for a moment then said ''Nah, that ain't in my job description”. He then hit me with a fist the size of a Buick, and the lights went out... When someone turned on the switch, it was like a splash of cold water. In fact, it was a splash of cold water. Cold salty water. I’d been dumped off the Santa Monica Pier. I’m pretty sure the fall was meant to kill me and under normal circumstances it would have. But I’ve always been obstinate, and when people try to kill me it makes me even more so. The first order of business was to get the hell out of Santa Monica, which was going to be tad difficult at 3:00 a.m. on a Tuesday. Not quite as hard as dragging my ass out of the Pacific after the involuntary swan dive I’d just taken, granted, but considering the way I probably looked at the moment it wasn’t going to be easy getting a lift into town. I only hoped the water hadn’t turned my bus pass to mush. When I got home just after 7:00 a.m. the place looked like it had been hit by a tornado. Nobody had been searching it, I’m just a lousy housekeeper. I checked out my face in the hall mirror. What King Kong had started, the Pacific had finished. I stuck my face in the refrigerator freezer, for a half an hour, took about 5 Advil and went to bed. When I awoke it was dark again, and the now 400 lb. Candy Landon was hovering over me. * * * Her face was rounder, but most of the new gain was concentrated on her lower body, Her legs were larger but still shapely. Her rear end had ballooned appreciably, as had her belly. She was beautiful. “ Nice to see you’re back among the living,” She said. She gently stroked my swollen face.” I was afraid you weren’t going to make it “ . “The thought of seeing you again kept me going” I said, quietly. I meant it too. “ Well there’s a lot more of me to see” “I noticed. I like what I see.” I replied. “I figured that out. It occurs to me that even if you find out who’s doing this to me and are able to stop it, I’m betting I won’t be able to lose the weight as fast as I gained it. I think my career is pretty much done, at least for the time being. Maybe if I disappear for a while they’ll give me Kirstie Alley’s old gig as a comeback. Except I suspect I won’t be making any Jenny Craig Deals.” She stroked my forehead “ At least while you’re in the picture.” “ Get used to me” I dragged her down, and felt her full weight press down on me. I unbuttoned her blouse and saw her breasts cascade out. Her skin was like silk under my hand. I went swimming in those soft waves of flesh of flesh again. I ended up going down so many times, I thought I might drown. Eventually I came up for air, but it was reluctantly. This time she didn’t freeze up on me afterward, instead we held each other for a long time. Finally I broke the silence. “How many of those chocolates, did you eat yesterday?” “Five. I usually eat Five. That’s how many I get sent everyday” she answered. “ I try not to, but ever since the first batch, I can’t stop” “ How do they get delivered?” “The UPS truck delivers them at 10:00 a.m. sharp.” She shifted closer to me shaking the bed so much I thought it might be an earthquake. “ Are you sure it’s a UPS truck ?” “Well it’s brown, but now that you mention it , I’m not sure if I saw the logo or not.” Candy looked at me with those piercing blue eyes. “ We’ve got 7 hours til the delivery. What do you want to do in the meantime?” She smiled and rolled over on top of me. I gasped.