Thoughts on LDRs

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Tad

mostly harmless
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I think that starting a relationship up long distance (and really getting to know each other well enough to know that it has a good chance of working) is the really hard part.

Maintaining an existing relationship long distance is absolutely a bit of extra challenge, but lots of things can add challenge to a relationship. If anything I almost feel like you need some challenge early on to find out how solid the relationship really is, and if both people are willing to put in the commitment and effort to make it work.

(then again, this is totally based on my personal experience--met my wife and uni and we dated for seven months, then a bit over two years of long distance (got together a weekend a month, with a couple of longer visits each year at holidays), before we were able to be together again. So I know how it worked out for us, but dynamics are different for each couple.
 

J34

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I'm sorry but that yard work line just killed me. I'm a big Simpsons fans (classic 90s episodes) So here is one about the episode "Eight Misbehavin'", where Apu and his wife have eight kids. I fashioned my favorite quote from there into the "yard work" line you have

Apu: Yes, and what would I tell her? Yard Work? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) YARD WORK?! What the hell were you thinking? Yard work. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
 

Shinobi_Hime-Sama

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Gotta watch out for the crazies online. I too have experience with LDR's. I met a guy who had lived in Toronto for four years before returning to his home country...of Japan. Yes, I actually flew there to go see him, the thing was he only came to my hotel room on the weekend and couldn't come during the week. He had to work and I respected that since there were other things I wanted to do in Japan for the two weeks I was there so it was all good. But that is the other side of the planet so I know a thing or two about LDR's.
 

Cobra Verde

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I'm sorry but that yard work line just killed me. I'm a big Simpsons fans (classic 90s episodes) So here is one about the episode "Eight Misbehavin'", where Apu and his wife have eight kids. I fashioned my favorite quote from there into the "yard work" line you have

Apu: Yes, and what would I tell her? Yard Work? Sorry sorry, it's just that we haven't slept in days and we're running out of money and... (snapping again) YARD WORK?! What the hell were you thinking? Yard work. Sorry. Sorry again. As a token of forgiveness, please take this baby.
Homer: No! Marge, NO!
I often try to trick people into saying "banana bread" just so I can quote this.
The original quote, of course.

Because it wouldn't really make sense for me to respond to a reference to banana bread with a rant about yard work....
 

Sasquatch!

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Long Distance Relationships never work. You need to be within groping distance at ALL TIMES.
 

bigmac

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Long Distance Relationships never work. You need to be within groping distance at ALL TIMES.
Yes that would be nice!

Seriously, long distance relationships can work if you have the resources to travel very frequently. I travel across five state sized California counties to go to work every Monday and return home on Friday. If you include wear and tear on my car I easily spend 15K a year traveling. This is a huge budget item that needs to be eliminated sooner rather than later.
 

Saoirse

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The yard work excuse (cause that's what it was) is poor. If you really fu king like someone, yard work can wait a little while. I would've been pissed too!!
 

Cobra Verde

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I fucking love how every single person commenting did the same double-take when we came to the yard work line.




He's sitting in Missouri, and she's supposed to be visiting and he's in there talking about yard work. I mean, listen, he's talking about yard work: not a date, not a date, not a date, he's talking about yard work. Not a date. Not, not, not a date where they finally meet-up after all this time talking online. Not the date, but he's talking about yard work, man. I mean, how silly is that?

And he's talking about yard work. I know she's supposed to be there 2 weeks later. I know she's supposed to stick to the plan. I know that. And I'm not...I'm not shoving it aside, you know, like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I do. I honestly do.

But he's talking about yard work man. What is he talking about? Yard work? He's talking about yard work, man. He's talking about yard work. He's talking about yard work. He ain't talking about the date. He's talking about yard work, man. When she comes from Wisconsin, and she wants to see you, you hook up don't you? You give it everything you've got, right? But we're talking about yard work right now. We're talking about yard work.

BearHug2013 look, I hear you, it's funny to me too. I mean it's strange, it's strange to me too, but you're talking about yard work man, you're not even talking about meeting - the actual meeting - when it matters. You're talking about yard work..
 

Saoirse

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Youre never going to win this one boys. The yard work line is
equivalent to "I have to wash my hair" It means GO AWAY, even if he really was doing yardwork.
 

Cobra Verde

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The yard work excuse (cause that's what it was) is poor. If you really fu king like someone, yard work can wait a little while. I would've been pissed too!!
At first I read this as "If you really want to kung fu someone" and thought you were using kung fu as a euphemism for fucking which would be awesome.

In fact, I submit that "kung fu" now be acceptable as a synonym for 'to fuck'.
 

Saoirse

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Your disregard of the point of my last post means I have bested you. Good day.
 

LeoGibson

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Nice AI reference Cobra Verde! I just did that same rant IRL on a co-worker.

As far as yard work goes, I'm in the camp of who the hell turns down guaranteed pu-, er sex for yard work? Before anyone chimes in dating there was no sex mentioned, c'mon man, who is gonna fly 3 or 4 states away on short notice and spend 5 or 6 hundred bucks to do so if they aren't planning to throw one on you?
 

BearHug2013

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Nice AI reference Cobra Verde! I just did that same rant IRL on a co-worker.

As far as yard work goes, I'm in the camp of who the hell turns down guaranteed pu-, er sex for yard work? Before anyone chimes in dating there was no sex mentioned, c'mon man, who is gonna fly 3 or 4 states away on short notice and spend 5 or 6 hundred bucks to do so if they aren't planning to throw one on you?
Someone who doesn't want to have to pay a $300 state fine for not cutting it.
Which she knew I had already gotten a warning in the mail.
 

Saoirse

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Someone who doesn't want to have to pay a $300 state fine for not cutting it.
Which she knew I had already gotten a warning in the mail.
No excuse. She probably wouldve been perfectly happy watching you mow your ridiculous ($300? Really?) lawn.
 

Tad

mostly harmless
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In my experience with an LDR, what is required is that you put the relationship itself as the highest priority--over what you want, what the other person wants, even what makes good long-term financial sense (so long as that doesn't get bad enough to hurt the relationship). The constant question, if you want it to thrive, is 'will this help the relationsip?' and if the answer is yes, it trumps almost anything.

Think of like trying to grow tomatoes in Alaska. Your only chance is to grab those plants every hour of sun possible, make sure to always protect from the cold, get them as much heat as you can, and see if artificial light can help fill in enough that you get to harvest something, eventually. Anything much less, and there isn't a lot of point in going through the motions, because they won't ever ripen.
 

Sasquatch!

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I'm sure no lady can stay on her feet around you with sweeping statements such as these. :happy:
I'm sure there's a couple of women out there who can attest to this. :p

And yes, what's the problem with having her come and help with the yardwork? She turns up early, she has to expect stuff like that :p

"It'll be great to see you! I've got some yardwork I'm being forced to do, but if you lend me a hand with it I'll treat you to slap up meal as soon as we're done"

sounds better than

"Can't come round. I have yard work."
 
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cakeboy

Douchepuncher Supreme!
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Relationships have a high failure rate no matter the distance. If the two parties involved are compatible and put the requisite work in, then the chances of success are better. I've known people who entered into a LDR with zero financial resources to travel and it sucked the life out of them. That's not what starry-eyed romantics prefer to hear, but it's the truth. If your beloved/soulmate/desired pickle-tickler is 3500 miles away and you're chilling in Mom's basement or a student, well...that blows for both parties :/
 

escapist

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Personally I HATE LDR's! Its a HUGE part of why I first messaged Chicken Legs. When I saw her post on Dims and saw she was in same city it was just a no-brainer. I got lucky and we just hit it off and really enjoyed being together. I have heard story's of FFA's perving on big dudes eating but seeing her perv on me our fist time out really blew me away.

I just don't see it being the long lasting very real relationship its become if we could only have talked on the phone, email, and text. I have some great friendships I've made here on Dim's and such but nothing beats being able to hold and kiss someone you have feelings for.

Besides last time I was really in love in a LDR I'll just say this, dumbest move of my life and OMG did it hurt! :doh: You couldn't pay me to try to endure that again...ever.
 
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