When I met my fiance I considered myself a female fat admirer. Maybe I still do. I flirted with him because I thought his 415 lb. body was perfect. Huge soft belly, arms, thighs (oh, you could totally tell under his slacks)-- and a handsome face to boot. I've never exactly told him why I struck up a conversation that day we met. He now knows I think he is sexy and that I "like the chub" (my pinches, belly rubs, etc were a dead giveaway and he called me on it not long into the relationship). However, he doesn't know the true extent of my preference (i.e. things he hates such as his stretch marks and the idea of him gaining a little weight are things that really turn me on, just to name a couple.)
After three wonderful years with him I am madly in love way beyond just the physical attraction. He's perfect in every way- treats me wonderfully, has a wicked sense of humor, a great career in business, etc. The more I am in love with him the more I know that despite my acceptance and even preference for his size he probably should lose the weight he wants to lose. I have actually verbally encouraged him to pursue losing weight because he's expressed a desire to and I want to see him happy, healthy and enjoying life as much as he wants to. He's even lost and kept off 45 lbs. since we met (I'm now 26 and he's 29 btw) and while I praise him for his hard work and the health benefits, I'm careful to never congratulate him for being smaller because I think that would send a mixed/wrong message.
I must confess the intense sexual attraction I have for his body is something I feel guilty about at times because I know how much he hates being fat and "unhealthy." I know "fat" doesn't always mean "unhealthy" but he does have some minor problems and with our future plan of having kids he desperately wants to be the athletic dad. Other times I just know that it's my preference and I shouldn't feel guilty about it or let society tell me that my feelings are wrong. I used to think I was into "feeding" or a guy "gaining" but honestly with how in love I am that couldn't be farther from my mind 99.9% of the time--but the feelings I have towards his big, marvelous body will never go away and I don't necessarily want them to.
He doesn't enjoy working out (though he has spurts of enthusiasm) and he is endlessly hungry. All of that combined with his confidence that I love him no matter what he looks like and I "like the chub" he seems to have stopped trying to lose weight but hasn't stopped saying he wants to. We've recently had many conversations about how he wants desperately to lose weight, and I encourage him and offer my help (I'm athletic, naturally fairly thin and love veggies and fruit so I'm not an expert but I have plenty to offer when he asks for advice). After spilling his heart to me he will go back to his place and later call to tell me about the fast food places he went to and the vast extent of what he ate. It seems to me that he has an issue with eating in secret but as we've gotten closer his guilty conscience has made him wish to tell me his secrets after the fact. I've found myself almost getting mad at him lately because I know he's only making himself feel bad when he does that.
So the FFA in me feels pleased that he's maintaining his large size, but the part of me who is simply in love with the man of my dreams is sad to see him suffering in a skin that he does not like. This is the only part of our relationship that isn't perfect and I can't imagine that it would break us apart, but I can imagine that it will cause a lifetime of moderate stress for one or both of us. The bottom line is, my preference is not as important as his happiness. But he is the only one who can control his happiness in the end, and he's not taking care of his own happiness right now.
I apologize for that downer intro. Not necessarily looking for advice here. I just needed to tell my story and know that maybe at least one person will understand me, if anything just to know this is the only place in this big world my FFA nature will not be chastised. Thanks for reading.
After three wonderful years with him I am madly in love way beyond just the physical attraction. He's perfect in every way- treats me wonderfully, has a wicked sense of humor, a great career in business, etc. The more I am in love with him the more I know that despite my acceptance and even preference for his size he probably should lose the weight he wants to lose. I have actually verbally encouraged him to pursue losing weight because he's expressed a desire to and I want to see him happy, healthy and enjoying life as much as he wants to. He's even lost and kept off 45 lbs. since we met (I'm now 26 and he's 29 btw) and while I praise him for his hard work and the health benefits, I'm careful to never congratulate him for being smaller because I think that would send a mixed/wrong message.
I must confess the intense sexual attraction I have for his body is something I feel guilty about at times because I know how much he hates being fat and "unhealthy." I know "fat" doesn't always mean "unhealthy" but he does have some minor problems and with our future plan of having kids he desperately wants to be the athletic dad. Other times I just know that it's my preference and I shouldn't feel guilty about it or let society tell me that my feelings are wrong. I used to think I was into "feeding" or a guy "gaining" but honestly with how in love I am that couldn't be farther from my mind 99.9% of the time--but the feelings I have towards his big, marvelous body will never go away and I don't necessarily want them to.
He doesn't enjoy working out (though he has spurts of enthusiasm) and he is endlessly hungry. All of that combined with his confidence that I love him no matter what he looks like and I "like the chub" he seems to have stopped trying to lose weight but hasn't stopped saying he wants to. We've recently had many conversations about how he wants desperately to lose weight, and I encourage him and offer my help (I'm athletic, naturally fairly thin and love veggies and fruit so I'm not an expert but I have plenty to offer when he asks for advice). After spilling his heart to me he will go back to his place and later call to tell me about the fast food places he went to and the vast extent of what he ate. It seems to me that he has an issue with eating in secret but as we've gotten closer his guilty conscience has made him wish to tell me his secrets after the fact. I've found myself almost getting mad at him lately because I know he's only making himself feel bad when he does that.
So the FFA in me feels pleased that he's maintaining his large size, but the part of me who is simply in love with the man of my dreams is sad to see him suffering in a skin that he does not like. This is the only part of our relationship that isn't perfect and I can't imagine that it would break us apart, but I can imagine that it will cause a lifetime of moderate stress for one or both of us. The bottom line is, my preference is not as important as his happiness. But he is the only one who can control his happiness in the end, and he's not taking care of his own happiness right now.
I apologize for that downer intro. Not necessarily looking for advice here. I just needed to tell my story and know that maybe at least one person will understand me, if anything just to know this is the only place in this big world my FFA nature will not be chastised. Thanks for reading.
