Anybody else feel like giving up?

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jdwhitak

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I don't know if giving up is the right thing to say, but anymore I find myself not interested in trying to purse a romantic relationship with anyone.

I've done some dating and I've been intimate with four women in my lifetime, but they were all one time deals, i.e. prostitutes. I've never had a girlfriend.


Maybe its me. I see and hear what other people go through and it seems like its more trouble than its worth, but every know and then I'll get bummed out about not having anybody. Anybody else feel the same way?
 

Ninja Glutton

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I don't know if giving up is the right thing to say, but anymore I find myself not interested in trying to purse a romantic relationship with anyone.

I've done some dating and I've been intimate with four women in my lifetime, but they were all one time deals, i.e. prostitutes. I've never had a girlfriend.


Maybe its me. I see and hear what other people go through and it seems like its more trouble than its worth, but every know and then I'll get bummed out about not having anybody. Anybody else feel the same way?
Yes, I completely understand and empathize. It seems like the less you try, the more things sort of fall into place. At least that has been my experience. It's hard dating for anyone and this is especially true of people of size.

Sometimes it's fun to be single, but it gets old after too long. It's nice to have that shoulder to lean on and person who calls you every day. It's nice to feel wanted, but it will happen for you.

You just have to keep trudging along and keeping a positive attitude, and the chips will eventually fall in your favor. I wish you the best of luck in such pursuits.
 

Ryōri

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I've had issues like that but my problem seems to not being able to read the "signs" rather than not attracting. I seem to be painfully oblivious to those signals that say a woman is interested in me and I always seem to realize it way to late to do anything about it. I agree with Ninja, that, when you pull to hard you tend to go in the opposite direction intended. Just be natural and things will start flowing and all will be right with the universe (read that on a cupcake...yes, a cupcake).

I will level with you and say I have given up, not on the outside world but on these boards. I swear I try so hard and get nothing here but when I do nothing out there I find them everywhere ;) (no offense to you ladies here)
 

fat hiker

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Yes indeed, I've felt that way - and the last time it happened, when I swore off the dating scene and determined to be 'just me' for a while, was when (within two months) I met the love of my life, and we married within the year!

So, all I'm saying is back off and give yourself room, don't push too hard - but when someone gives you an opening, go on through.
 

crice7

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I'm also single now, mainly by choice. I've had my own romantic droughts and i've had times where i banged everthing i could.. I feel like i'm well adjusted and experienced. But now, i couldn't be happier being single.

Don't let being single get you down, it happens to the best of us. You'll drive yourself crazy if you do. But at the same, its not about giving up. Its about being confident in your own potential. No more doubting yourself and "maybe its me" Dont feel like just because girls aren't crawling all over you that you are not appealing, because they won't do that. Unless you give them a reason to. :D

I'm not sure how much i agree with ninja's "don't try, let em come to you" deal. If you are saying don't be aggressive, i totally agree. But you can be active without being aggressive. If you really want a relationship, i encourage you to be active and make yourself available. I'm a believer that a man can have almost any woman he wants, as long as HE believes that very fact. You can pm me if you need some more help.
 

Laina

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I absolutely endorse purposeful "downtime" from dating--I took six months of downtime at one point, because it seemed like I was attracting the types of guys I wasn't interested in...and I was only attracted to men who wouldn't even glance in my direction.

So I quit. I worked on things that were important to me that had nothing to do with my love life--finished school, changed jobs, made newer and more interesting platonic friends.

Long story short, I met an awesome guy while I wasn't looking for him, because I was doing things that I was into...which meant I met other people who were into the same things. Everybody won. :)

There were times that being single sucked, of course. There were times I thought I had to be the only single person in the world, because all of my friends were coupled-up and disgustingly, unfairly adorable. It got easier, though (especially when I started taking Salsa lessons--whoo boy, they're the closest you can get to romance without the awkward "dating" part).
 

Ninja Glutton

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I'm also single now, mainly by choice. I've had my own romantic droughts and i've had times where i banged everthing i could.. I feel like i'm well adjusted and experienced. But now, i couldn't be happier being single.

Don't let being single get you down, it happens to the best of us. You'll drive yourself crazy if you do. But at the same, its not about giving up. Its about being confident in your own potential. No more doubting yourself and "maybe its me" Dont feel like just because girls aren't crawling all over you that you are not appealing, because they won't do that. Unless you give them a reason to. :D

I'm not sure how much i agree with ninja's "don't try, let em come to you" deal. If you are saying don't be aggressive, i totally agree. But you can be active without being aggressive. If you really want a relationship, i encourage you to be active and make yourself available. I'm a believer that a man can have almost any woman he wants, as long as HE believes that very fact. You can pm me if you need some more help.
Yeah, I meant it more like don't be too obsessively searching for a mate, or it will drive you insane. It's one thing to try and meet people, but just don't expect too much. It's better to be casual, but interested than to be totally enamored.
 

WhiteHotRazor

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how old are you man? you look relatively young so I don't think giving up is really necessary,some things just need time.
 

craigisnutter

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I absolutely endorse purposeful "downtime" from dating--I took six months of downtime at one point, because it seemed like I was attracting the types of guys I wasn't interested in...and I was only attracted to men who wouldn't even glance in my direction.

So I quit. I worked on things that were important to me that had nothing to do with my love life--finished school, changed jobs, made newer and more interesting platonic friends.
Ok, now i'd love to take some self down time, but every time i try i can't. I'll be honest here..i'm a hugely sexually charged man, can't function at all without at least 3 tugs a day. But this means if im not with or looking for someone, i'm just looking for sex and i don't wanna be that guy. One nighters are great, in the moment, but after, it feels so empty and unfulfilling.
So you see, i can't stop lookin, otherwise the sexual daemon will be unleashed! :p lmao
 

Tad

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For me, it was not 'giving up' that worked, but ratcheting down what I was looking for. Instead of looking for "the one" I decided to spend some time just trying to meet more women, and maybe have a few casual dates, with on plans for anything long term (or even expecting dates to get as far as the bedroom, I was really just focusing on the socializing side of things).

Within a month of starting that plan I ended up dating, and eighteen years later we're still going strong.

So from my experience I don't suggest 'giving up' as in not going out, not meeting people, etc. But rather 'give up' on your expectations and preferences, and instead focus on the process: meet new people, meet new women, be friendly, talk with them, joke with them, have fun with them. I still think that is the best way of actually making a connection. It is just that we humans let our minds run way ahead sometimes.
 

Ichida

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I agree with Edx. In fact I think it was you that told me to do that and it worked!

Guys are generally the persuers, which makes sitting back a little more difficult. My guy had to ramp himself up for months to ask me out, and he had nearly given up too.

I know some people hear the stories of people on the boards getting together with envy - but it isn't always easy! My guy saw me and waited nearly four months to make his move. Every second wednesday we went downtown for a gaming social, and he started going around the same time. Later he told me he even flirted with a few other girls to prep himself to ask me because he never would have done it otherwise. He insinuated himself into our "group" and became a regular fixture without being a friend. He then went about the business of feeling out my girlfriends to make friends with them and prevent them from cockblocking. He felt out my guy friends to see how protective they were. Then, and only then, did he make his move. Even then he had to make three passes before I noticed (offering to teach me to play pool, asking me to drinks, then asking me AGAIN when I said my bladder was too full and I didn't clue in, because I had given up!) - so it isn't easy.

Some of my guy friends have had cold spells for YEARS. The problem with giving up ENTIRELY is that girls tend to overlook you. Try to relax and enjoy the social aspects without taking yourself off the market. The advantage with flirting in that mindset is - who cares if they turn you down? It's just for fun. Although friendly flirting doesn't replace a relationship it is short term fun and can lead to more without putting pressure on anyone.
 

Hole

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I feel like giving up right now.
I used to have security..stability.. I don't anymore.
I gave my heart, soul and everything to a man when I was 19. And now I am turning 21. I thought this is it, this is my man.. I've found him.I'm set for life. I'm complete. I have a ring on my finger which he said he doesn't know why I'm wearing it.

I'm just broken. Forgive this emo post.
 

Ichida

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*hugs* Nothing to forgive.

I know how terrifying loosing that feeling can be. You wont heal to be the same person you were - having trust ripped away from you is too painful to repeat. But, when you do feel less wounded you will be stable and complete in yourself and when you find that true special someone you can give each other a part of yourself without loosing anything.
 

StridentDionysus

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I've given up and I haven't.

I've given up with finding an FFA but not a woman. It is easier to just lose the weight. I've even asked around, many girls don't mind you having a lil washing machine instead of washboard abs. But many are turned off by more than one X in Extra Large :doh:. So? I'd rather lose the other 2 X's I have and try my luck.

It might be me too. I am, in fact, completely insane in a not funny way. The kind of way that I know I'm hurting myself but can't stop :doh::doh::doh:. Everybody just gets pissed instead of trying to understand that I have a bloody disease :doh::doh::mad:. But hey! At least I know I'm crazy, that has to count for something :p.
 

Melian

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Hole: I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. If you ever need to unload on an impartial person, feel free to send me a PM.

To anyone who is "giving up:" have you always lived in the same city, in your adult life? I ask because I basically gave up on looking for a man for a few years when I was in undergrad. The city just SUCKED - there were no attractive men there (so I dated a few women, lol), no one really had anything in common with me since it was primarily a spoiled, rich brat university city, etc etc. So I took the last 2 years and finished my degree, forgetting about dating altogether.

Then, I relocated to a bigger, better city to work on my PhD, and everything changed. I didn't look any different, mind you, but all of a sudden I was a hot commodity when I'd hit the clubs (I was completely overlooked and ignored everywhere I went, in the old city, despite trying desperately to socialize). I found one man, he was acceptable...but then I ended up dumping him for the AMAZING man to whom I am now engaged :D

Anyway....if you are so unsatisfied with your life/dating situation, why not try a change of location? Just a thought.
 

StridentDionysus

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I live in a city with 20 million people on it every day. Nine actually live here. The city is not the problem :confused:. Actually I went on vacation to a smaller city and found it easier :p.

To me the problem is that trying to find a woman is hard. Trying to find an FFA is harder :doh:.
 

Melian

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I live in a city with 20 million people on it every day. Nine actually live here. The city is not the problem :confused:. Actually I went on vacation to a smaller city and found it easier :p.

To me the problem is that trying to find a woman is hard. Trying to find an FFA is harder :doh:.
Well that's what I'm saying! Not necessarily that larger cities are better...just that different places have different dynamics that may work out for you.
 

JiminOR

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I never totally gave up. I nearly threw in the towel about a billion times. I just made up my mind at one point in time to date, but to never expect it to work out, it was just something to do.

So yeah, I met a totally amazing girl who is better than I had ever dreamed of, and just fell in love with her pretty much instantly.

I was pretty much single for 16 years prior to that though.

Never give up.
 

Zandoz

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I gave up....and ended up engaged a year later, and married 4 months after that.

Seek and ye shall find is not an absolute.
 
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