BBW FFAs-Do you think it's harder to find BHM?

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MickeyFFA

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Wow thats a lot of acronyms! haha This circumstance came up unintentionally in another thread and it made me curious.

My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?

These are ALL generalizations of course. Its just a phenomenon that I've observed in my twenty-something years of life. Am I completely off here?

I'm very interested to hear from all aspects of the FFA/BHM community, not just BBW FFAs (I just couldn't think of a better title).
 

Carl1h

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Hah, ask a question to BBW-FFAs and you get a response from an non FA BHM!

I do think that fat guys, like everyone else, can get caught up in the idea of getting the "best looking" partner they can. Society says the best looking ones are thin and so that's what they want, no real examination of themselves involved. I think people in general can grow out of that as they date and learn. I also think that there is sometimes self hatred in fat people's desire for thin partners. I'm speaking in a very broad sense about all the fat people in the world with this, and not at all pointing at anyone here, by the way.

Also, sometimes people just like what they like, with no need for any sort of convoluted psychobabble.

For myself, while I don't consider myself an FA I do feel that I have more in common with fat women, experience wise, and I never rule out anyone for being too big, though I might pass over a small woman as being unable to handle someone of my size (unfair as that would be). My experience also leads me to believe that a woman (I single out women because I don't date guys) who is fat is generally not much more likely to be attracted to a fat man than a thin woman is, and I imagine it's much the same with men. So, it can be hard to find someone no matter where you're looking. The herd can be a pretty shallow place.
 

bigmac

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It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?
One reason I think there are more thin male FAs is that the fat ones don't get treated that well by the BBW community and therefore leave. Its been my experience (I've been around the BBW scene about 15 years) that a large number of BBWs are only interested in thin guys. Over the years my weight has fluctuated from about 250lbs to 320lbs on a 6'4" frame. I was a trim 255lbs at the 1995 NAAFA convention and I had women coming up to talk to me all weekend (one even gave me her room key). At the 2007 Vegas Bash I was a pudgy 320lbs (and of course had a few more gray hairs) -- I couldn't get a single female to even acknowledge my existence. As a result I swore of BBW events (why waste your money and effort to just get shot down).
 
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Wow thats a lot of acronyms! haha This circumstance came up unintentionally in another thread and it made me curious.

My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?

These are ALL generalizations of course. Its just a phenomenon that I've observed in my twenty-something years of life. Am I completely off here?

I'm very interested to hear from all aspects of the FFA/BHM community, not just BBW FFAs (I just couldn't think of a better title).
NO....and i never noticed it....
 

Melian

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NO....and i never noticed it....
Seconded. Again, I'm not the target responder here, and this is purely observational, but I see a significantly larger number of BHM dating BBW vs BHM dating thin women.

In fact, I am one of the only thin women I know IRL whose partner is not an equally thin man (although I know plenty of thin men dating BBW).
 

suebeehoney

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I have definitely seen this happening - especially on internet dating sites. Not fat-friendly ones, obviously, but the run-of-the-mill dating sites, like Yahoo Personals, etc.

You'll see a BHM - a really hot, hunky looking guy, in my opinion, and he'll state his preferences for a match that is "slim or athletic". Or the dreaded "height-weight proportionate" - I hate that term. Being a rather short BBW, I hate it all the more.

I just find it incredibly ironic that some BHM's can't accept fat on someone else, but find it perfectly acceptable on themselves. Maybe I have the wrong viewpoint on it, but I do see it happen quite frequently.
 

escapist

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NO....and i never noticed it....
** Squishes his BBW Girl against the wall and kisses her! **


My question is this: As big women do you feel you have a harder time finding big men? I know personally fat guys almost NEVER approach me. Even when I do approach them, I feel like they think the only reason I sought them out was because I'm fat too. I also think that thin/average guys are more willing to broaden their idea of the "ideal" body type and date a chubby women. To me it seems that some BHM like to date thin women to almost "prove" to their buddies that they don't have to "settle" because of their weight. I know that not ALL big men are into larger ladies and thats totally cool seeing as everyone has different preferences yada yada ya. It just seems to me that there are more thin FAs than BHM ones. I'm wondering if anyone else had noticed this or has any thoughts as to why?
Yeah I only hear them complain about it on here. I've dated even married a BBW and I'm 500 lbs. to me even a 250 lb woman can be small. I've had some very short very chubby girls many of them were super sexy! They new they were big and they knew they ROCKED! Personality and confidence are always a priority....Big, tall, thick, or thin, if you're fun and sexy I'll want to see you again.

So take it how you will; there are some very attractive looking BBW's here. More often than not they loose me cause we just aren't compatible when it comes to personality and how we view life. If you cannot take life easy and roll with the punches I really don't want to hear about your drama on a constant daily basis. I can't really think of anybody who would.

As to the outside world away from Dim's I have no clue. I can only speak for me as a BHM on BBW's....I often tend to love the ones who are just great to be with. Same as on Dim's :happy:

** Disclaimer: for the most part my comments are meant in general with no specific person in mind other than the women I've dated, been attracted too, or been in a relationship with.
 

the hanging belly

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I've only had one boyfriend, and though it didn't work out, he was fat (240lbs. 110kgs if my calculations are correct). I haven't had the experience with other guys, I've had a chubby guy like me, never a skinny one. Thats really all I can say on this matter.
 

BBWBecky

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BBWBecky,
I too find it hard to find a BHM in Pa...
Most of the BHM's in my area are with somewhat skinny girls...
I think the bigger your girlfriend or boyfriend is the more comfortable you are with each other in other aspects of your life...
 

Carl1h

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This has never been discussed before :doh:
Oh, if you haven't seen this topic before then it's good that you saw this thread! J/K

To me this topic represents a very basic issue of fat acceptance. A lot of fat women feel like fat men won't give them the time of day and a lot of fat men feel like fat women won't give them the time of day. It speaks to moving past the idea of wanting to be accepted as a fat person one's self and towards accepting other fat people and ultimately accepting one's fat self.

I believe that there are a lot of fat people out there who still need to accept those things, even if people around these parts have already moved past it. It's a lot easier to examine other people's attitudes than it is to confront our own, but we still need to do it occasionally.
 

GordoNegro

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SsbbwFa's are the only ones for me, but I have noticed an increased number of bbw/ssbbw looking away as my scale numbers rose but deep down I repect that as everyone is entitled to their preferences.
Though for the OP, BBW/SSbbw admiring bhm/ssbhm are still out there and worth waiting for.
 
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I have deifinotely experienced this myself. I'm a plus sized female who loves large men. I'll date anyone who has the personality characteristics that I seek but have a special place in my heart for my teddy bears but I don't get the time of day from larger men.
 

OneHauteMama

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I have deifinotely experienced this myself. I'm a plus sized female who loves large men. I'll date anyone who has the personality characteristics that I seek but have a special place in my heart for my teddy bears but I don't get the time of day from larger men.

That's usually my experience as well. I've seen 2 BHM's in recent weeks that really caught my eye...like, I think I was drooling...and then both of them were with skinny chicks. Usually it's the thinner guys who are interested in me, and while I would give anyone a chance, my preference is for a bigger guy. I can't help it. While I HAVE dated or had relationships with 4 BHM's, I find that nowadays it's kind of rare for me to see a BHM who is interested in BBWs, let alone interested in ME. Maybe it's just my general area.
 

Teleute

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Here's the thing: I've been turned down by BHMs, sure, but it hasn't happened any more when I've been fat than when I've been thin. I've been both during my adult life, and for me there doesn't seem to be a statistically significant difference between the responses at different weights.

I think there are a few factors that give the appearance of these "patterns" in dating that are so frequently discussed here. One is that people (all people, not just on here) tend to compare themselves obsessively with the love interests/flirtation targets of their crushes, and make generalizations based on that comparison... and around these parts, one of the most immediately-grasped differences is whether someone is fat or thin, because it's the topic of so much discussion. Secondly, EVERYONE feels they get hit on more by people in whom they're not interested. I imagine that's at least partially because we don't act as nervous around those we don't find attractive, and confidence is an attractive trait to most people.

Of course, this is just speculation - but it's something I've been kind of poking at in my head for a while, because I see it come up so often. Anyone else have thoughts on this?
 

Cors

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I think there are a few factors that give the appearance of these "patterns" in dating that are so frequently discussed here. One is that people (all people, not just on here) tend to compare themselves obsessively with the love interests/flirtation targets of their crushes, and make generalizations based on that comparison... and around these parts, one of the most immediately-grasped differences is whether someone is fat or thin, because it's the topic of so much discussion. Secondly, EVERYONE feels they get hit on more by people in whom they're not interested. I imagine that's at least partially because we don't act as nervous around those we don't find attractive, and confidence is an attractive trait to most people.

Of course, this is just speculation - but it's something I've been kind of poking at in my head for a while, because I see it come up so often. Anyone else have thoughts on this?
Good points and I agree with you.

It is also worth remembering that BHMs are still the minority so you are naturally less likely to encounter one who is an FA or bi-sizual.
 

NemoVolo

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I've definitely noticed that there are more skinny men wanting BBWs. Even if my main sample pool is the writers in the Library section.

Of the guys who have shown interest in me (once they saw a full body image, of course, since the others generally stop talking immediately), two were average to a little chubby, two were rail-thin, and only one was actually big (250+ is big to me).

I can understand the image related reasons for why a BHM wants a skinny girl (to prove it to the guys, show he's not "settling", etc), but I hate fat men who are all "NO FAT CHICKS".
 

rockabelly

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I can understand the image related reasons for why a BHM wants a skinny girl (to prove it to the guys, show he's not "settling", etc), but I hate fat men who are all "NO FAT CHICKS".
I never thought i would find myself saying this, but a lot of my male friends are "brainwashed" by the boobtube and all media which tells them what a beautiful woman is supposed to look like. One of the networks guilty of this is SPIKE which features nothing but busty, thin waisted women in bikinis as "real women". Those of us who have been around the block more times than the icecream truck know that ALL women are real. All one has to do is take a look as to what was beautiful 100 years ago, when there weren't multimillion dollar ad campaigns telling us all what beauty is. Even 50 years ago, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and not the now fashionable size 0 or 1. All shapes and sizes of women are beautiful and i refuse to let someone tell me what is sexy or not.

I am not an FA, I am a WA (woman admirer). I love skinny women, BBW women, short women, tall women, and all women in between and uncategorized. Whoa Momma!
 

steadydecline

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I have definitely noticed this. Between seeing the BHM of my dreams walking about with a tiny woman, to the fat guys with "no fat chicks" shirts/stickers...it's really disheartening. And blah blah, personality is what's important, and if a thin guy shared my sense of humor or tastes, I would definitely give him a try.

Also, I understand that people's tastes vary, and there's nothing wrong with turning someone down for some reason or another, but when they're mean about it...that's what infuriates me.
 

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