Bbw, What do you wish you had the Courage to do?

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by aztecprinc3ss, Jun 22, 2012.

  1. Jun 22, 2012 #1

    aztecprinc3ss

    aztecprinc3ss

    aztecprinc3ss

    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    ,
    Fellow BBw, What did you wish you had the courage to do? What is keeping you from accomplishing it?

    I wish I had the courage to keep looking for a job even after prospective employer turns me down time after time because of my weight impediment. It just gets harder each time I have to go back out there. People might think me paranoid in thinking that, but I've overheard them having conversations about said impediment.
     
  2. Jun 22, 2012 #2

    CorinaJade

    CorinaJade

    CorinaJade

    Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2012
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    ,
    I know the feeling, i've had the exact same worries when looking for work. It's not nice to feel like you are judged and not hired for being seen as "less worthy for the job" just for being overweight. It's wrong.

    I wish i could go on themepark rides without fearing that i'll break the whole thing. I know that the prospect is hhhhiiiiiiiighly unlikely, but i can't stop thinking that if i get on one, it's going to creak or something underneath me and i'll somehow result in killing a few dozen people by accident.
     
  3. Jun 22, 2012 #3

    Myn

    Myn

    Myn

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2010
    Messages:
    107
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    ,
    Date.

    Although, it's not just the weight stopping me. I'm shy apart from that, and I pretty much went straight into marrying my very first boyfriend that I met on the internet, so I have no conception of how dating actually works. Plus I'm a single parent. And I have the sneaking suspicion that I might be a snob and/or high maintenance.

    But, yeah. The thought of dating scares the crap out of me.

    And I feel your pain about the job thing. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't have to do rounds of interviews before getting hired, because I would've keeled over from either nerves or mindboggling amounts of comfort eating.
     
  4. Jun 22, 2012 #4

    aztecprinc3ss

    aztecprinc3ss

    aztecprinc3ss

    Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2011
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    ,
    It seems that we all share some of the same fears when it comes to our weight, how do you think we can overcome them?
     
  5. Jun 22, 2012 #5

    Tracy

    Tracy

    Tracy

    Fat & Sassy

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    Messages:
    319
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    ,
    What do you wish you had the Courage to do? To break up with my boyfriend....I feel that I can't because my son really likes him...first guy I have really dated that I brought into his life. I'm afraid I will crush them both...but I can't go on much longer with how things have been. :(
     
    Tad likes this.
  6. Jun 23, 2012 #6

    LinathSuru

    LinathSuru

    LinathSuru

    Dreamer

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2011
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    ,
    Hmm. Courage. I've done most things I'm afraid of at this point... From telling my mom that I like being fat, to telling my boss my coworkers were making racist and offensive comments, to going out in a summer dress that showed off my big, fat thighs.

    I wish I had more courage about clothing. About wearing spaghetti straps and bikinis in public. But it's one small step at a time.

    That's what you can do. Take the small steps. If you're confronted with a big problem look at the smallest part of the solution you can find, and start there. Do it despite your fear. Do it despite discomfort. Just be sure you don't go overboard.

    I've asked potential employers before what their biggest concern about me was after an interview. Sometimes they've invited me to field their concerns as questions and give examples that 'defend' my abilities.

    As far as the ones who judge you by your weight. Probably the only thing you can hope to do to impact them is to walk into an interview feeling positive about yourself, feeling confident about your abilities, and letting them see that you're a confident person.

    It's not easy, but it does show.

    I also know it's not easy to stay positive after rejection after rejection. I've never been through that personally, but I've watched my husband go through it. My dad, my mom.

    Whatever happens remind yourself that a big part of landing a job is in fact getting lucky. Lucky enough to know the right people. Lucky enough to have the right impact. Lucky enough to catch the hiring manager in a good mood.

    Create part of your luck though. Send old-fashioned, hand written thank yous. Call to follow up after interviews (and to get the address to send the thank yous to).

    There's no guarantee being positive, confident, informed, and thorough will get you a job, but hey.. The probability of that job coming in probably rise significantly when those things are taken into account.

    Good luck building your confidence and courage, Ladies. 'Tis certainly not an easy feat, but I promise you it is one you can manage.
     
  7. Jun 23, 2012 #7

    CorinaJade

    CorinaJade

    CorinaJade

    Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2012
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    ,
    I find the biggest issue, at least for me, was developing a sense of self worth to get over public fears, or dating fears. I used to not feel like i was worth being with, or that people looked at me as different or wrong.

    I know that with workplaces hiring people there are prejudices held because statistically larger people supposedly take more sick days off work (i don't know how ACURATE these statistics are, but employers certainly pay attention to them) so we're viewed as sickly or a liability and not hired. As well as that, particularly for women, attraction plays a large part in whether or not we're hired. This would be especially true in professions that require customer interaction etc. where you are like "the face" of the company. But then, if you have a lot of confidence going into an interview, that can counteract things, and not all employers will have that bias. I suppose that's how i managed to get a job as a secretary for a doctors office a few years ago. It was a fun job, and i felt a sense of pride beating out all the other skinny candidates ^.^

    When it comes to dating, that again seems to be a confidence thing. I think you need to work on getting to a place where you feel happy with who YOU are and where you are going before truely searching for that special someone, otherwise you will always question what it is that person sees in you and be forever insecure. Work towards your own goals, wear the clothing that makes you feel sexy or good about yourself and learn that your weight isn't the sole thing that defines who you are.

    There are always going to be some things that weight will prevent bigger girls from doing, like fitting into booths at food places (which are totally not made for big round butts), or comfortably sitting in movie theatre chairs, and we'll always have people making fun of us, because that's what people do. But i think as long as you have the self confidence, or at least are comfortable with who you are, those things are very small, or even laughable. Small movie theatre chairs just mean i get to squish up even closer to my man during the movie ^.^
     
    Dr. Feelgood and LinathSuru like this.
  8. Jun 26, 2012 #8

    toni

    toni

    toni

    In the know

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    2,957
    Likes Received:
    343
    Location:
    ,
    I know there are jerks out there but confidence, personality and knowledge go a long way. Two years ago I applied for a position within my company. The position offered a better schedule and a closer work location. It was perfect. The only problem was that it was working for the sales manager. *cringe* When I think sales, I think shallow jerks in suits. I look the guy up on our company directory and he fits the description. The day of my interview I was walking towards the building and my guts were churning. I wanted to run back to my car but it was too late. Not showing for a job interview would black list me with the recruiter. I sucked it up and walked in. I went to the suited jerk's office and he was SO mean. The recruiter never told him I had an appointment. He said he had already interviewed 50 people and was done. He barked that I could sit and wait until he found time for me. I smiled and said great, I will be right here. The whole time I was kicking myself for even showing. I sat for 20 mins obsessing over my belly and make up. Still i didnt let it show. We got into his office and I won him over in 5 minutes. He dropped the shallow jerkiness and I SOLD him. I knew my stuff. I told him how I would make his office run better. When I walked out I told him this was divine intervention. A week later I got the job offer. A year in he hired me an assistant. She was going to be his pick for my job if I didn't come along. Guess what? She is tall and skinny (big surprise). My personality, confidence and knowledge won in the end. The jerky suit is now a sweetheart. He brags to people about my cupcake expeditions. I always come in to find some sort of dessert on my desk. I have to chase him away to get my work done.
    The moral of this long story is always be confident! You are the best! Your weight can't stop you. If someone holds it against you and doesn't hire you. Screw it! You wouldn't want to work there anyway.
     
  9. Jun 27, 2012 #9

    KeiraBBW

    KeiraBBW

    KeiraBBW

    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,
    In reality, if you believe it or not, I am a figure skater. I love doing it but every time I go out and skate I get really nervous, because I have to wear a tight little dress, and I know everyone is commenting on how big I am, but I hope that I can over come that and have peple acually watch my skating. Sometimes I wonder if their oohs and ahs would be too much. I want the courage to just skate with confidence
     
  10. Jun 27, 2012 #10

    KeiraBBW

    KeiraBBW

    KeiraBBW

    New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2012
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,
    It's not just that there are jerks out there, it's that society is set up to make fat people horrible ... almost a scapegoat
     
  11. Jun 27, 2012 #11

    toni

    toni

    toni

    In the know

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    2,957
    Likes Received:
    343
    Location:
    ,
    I know that. I believe in changing it one person at a time. I am sure my boss and his people never thought they would adore a sassy fatty but they do. It is not impossible to overcome the fat stigma.
     
  12. Jun 28, 2012 #12

    Jello404

    Jello404

    Jello404

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2009
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    ,
    I wish I had the courage to act again. I studied acting in school for years and I'm pretty good...I wish I could handle the constant rejection and abuse that every actor faces. And I'll face worse just because I'm fat. I wish I was strong enough to out up with the constant rejection but I'm not. And it's not like acting pays well either. It's my passion but it's either feast or famine....and I don't have the courage to risk the famine so instead if doing what I want to do...I don't what barely pays the bills.
     
  13. Jul 6, 2012 #13

    lottapounds

    lottapounds

    lottapounds

    happy mutant

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2012
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    ,
    I wish I had the courage to follow through with some of my dreams and goals. It is hard for me to finish what i start. i just don't have the tenacity and i am not sure why.

    Oh, and i wish i was courageous enough to bare my upper arms in public. People used to call them wings. But i am working on not caring what people think. I am starting with short sleeves and going from there. :)
     
    penguin likes this.
  14. Jul 6, 2012 #14

    CastingPearls

    CastingPearls

    CastingPearls

    Go Big Or Go Home In Remembrance

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2010
    Messages:
    15,175
    Likes Received:
    1,544
    Location:
    ,
    Hey good luck with the right to bare arms! I have 'batwings' -very very heavy upper arms but it is too too hot to worry about it so I'm wearing a lot of tanks, camisoles and strapless tops and I don't care what anyone thinks. In fact, I've gotten a lot of admiring glances and compliments! DO IT!
     
    tonynyc and lottapounds like this.
  15. Jul 6, 2012 #15

    willow173

    willow173

    willow173

    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2012
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    ,
    I wish I had the confidence to accept compliments - I find it so hard to believe people would find me attractive as my exh told me I was fat and disgusting when I was literally half the woman I am now!
    Im so scared that if I take a compliment it will then be thrown in my face and I will get laughed at.
    It kind of holds me back where dating or even going out is concerned.

    *sigh*

    But thats why I am here, looking for real acceptance of me
     
    Tad likes this.
  16. Jul 7, 2012 #16

    lottapounds

    lottapounds

    lottapounds

    happy mutant

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2012
    Messages:
    43
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    ,
    Thanks for the encouragement! That is how mine are too, but i never considered the batwing angle. I love your sense of humor. Batwings seem like a superhero thing...i will try it and see if it makes me feel like a bat woman! :happy:
     
  17. Jul 8, 2012 #17

    LinathSuru

    LinathSuru

    LinathSuru

    Dreamer

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2011
    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    79
    Location:
    ,
    I know where you're coming from. When my current relationship started I couldn't take a compliment. My husband (boyfriend at that time) would tell me I was beautiful and I would immediately respond that I was ugly. I remember asking him if he was sure he really thought I was beautiful. If he was sure he wouldn't change his mind.

    In the end it took me realizing that I was hurting him by refusing his compliments for me to be able to change. It hurt him that he couldn't make me feel beautiful... And the sad part was that I was in his way.

    I had to decide to stop hating my appearance and I had to accept that he could find me attractive. It started with that. It wasn't an immediate transition to 'I'm beautiful' overnight, but a small step to 'Well, someone thinks I'm pretty'.

    Good luck finding your way out of that state. It's a tough one, but it can be done. I'm proof of that much!
     
  18. Jul 8, 2012 #18

    penguin

    penguin

    penguin

    Fnord

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    5,257
    Likes Received:
    1,053
    Gender:
    Female
    Accepting compliments can be really hard, but the best way to handle it is to just say "thank you" and leave it at that. Don't disagree with them, because it's like you're invalidating their opinion. You don't need to say anything else, or try to justify it or explain it. Like if someone says your hair looks good, you don't need to say that you've just had it done, or try to wave off their compliment. Just say thank you with a smile, even if you don't agree.

    Confidence is something that's okay to fake it until you make it.

    I used to keep my upper arms covered, because I hated them. But then summer rolled around and I was hot and wanting to wear pretty sleeveless dresses. And i thought 'fuck it!', because I should be able to wear what I want. I doubt anyone will be surprised that I have fat arms, given that the rest of me is fat. And if they don't like it, that's their problem, not mine. You need to feel good in your own skin, and put your happiness and confidence well ahead of the possible reactions strangers might have. You can do it!
     
    lottapounds likes this.
  19. Jul 8, 2012 #19

    tinkerbell

    tinkerbell

    tinkerbell

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2006
    Messages:
    961
    Likes Received:
    203
    Location:
    ,
    :bow: Yes, so true! I find that the older I have gotten the less I care what other people think of what I look like. I wear what I want. Over the past 6 years I've really changed how I think about myself, and particularly the past 3 years, my confidence has grown. It's amazing what running has done for me :)

    I really have the courage to do anything I want, I dont let anything hold me back anymore!
     
    lottapounds likes this.
  20. Oct 8, 2012 #20

    Dominique

    Dominique

    Dominique

    Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2012
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    ,
    sky diving
     

Share This Page