Childless By Choice

[Blackhawk2293]

I love having kids and I want a houseful, BUT although I don't understand the decision not to have children, I certainly respect it. I wouldn't judge anyone for not having children any more that I would like anyone else to judge me for wanting many rugrats I certainly don't think everyone should have children, having a child is a major part of your life and always remains that, it shouldn't be undertaken "just because".

It's nice to know that there are people in the world that can be proud of their choice and not judge other people who don't make the same choice. You are rare indeed!

 

[Skye23]

Hubby and I have been married for 15 years, I think its safe to say that if we'd wanted kids we'd have had them by now. I wanted none, he thought maybe some and I compromised at 1 but likely adopted if he really wanted it. In the end he decided none was ok with him too. We both had issues in childhood and financially things haven't been great, plus my health isn't great although that has nothing to do with the weight. More the other way around, its pretty hard to not gain weight when your physical activity is limited due to pain.

But now we've got oodles of friends and family members who have children - so when people ask we tell them that we've got a ton of nieces and nephews and we've decided we prefer the "catch and release" version of children. We snag a kid, spoil it, enjoy it, and send it home when we're done. I have done enough diaper duty, sleepless nights, and tantrums so loud the entire shopping mall turned en masse to see what the hell was going on to know how to handle them. I can do it, I just choose not to.

 

[PhiloGirl]

*snipped* Your influence and traits can be passed along to people you are close to but not necessarily those whom you share blood with.

Wisely said. Considering your points, I suppose in my case that maybe it's not so much concern of what I won't have, as a wisfulness that it may not involve my blood relatives as much in the next stages of life. I love our traditions, and it's possible that if I choose a different direction from everyone else, that I will be left out as our lives evolve. But of course, we all have to pursue what we value most, and there are ways to keep a family together that don't involve me having a bunch of kids just to fit in with my big Italian family.

 

[Tracyarts]

Here's a neat experience I had a few days ago that made me smile.

Husband and I were having supper at a restaurant, and it was one of those little "hole in the wall" kinds of places where the tables are so close together that you can't help but overhear bits of conversations now and then.

So, a woman with an older teenage girl, and a girl who looked to be late elementary school age were sitting in the booth next to ours, just behind me, and I overheard the woman telling the younger girl "someday when you have kids, or even if you don't ever have any, because you know it's okay if you grow up and decide that you don't want kids, there's nothing wrong with that". I just thought what a really neat and refreshing thing to hear from a parent (or maybe an aunt even). To let a kid know that having children is an option and it's okay whichever choice you make.

Tracy

 

[seavixen]

For some reason, people love to assume that I have at least one kid. Honestly, I cannot figure out why. Do fat ladies just seem motherly? Is it because I'm always in good spirits, and people assume that equals some kind of affinity for motherhood?

I've never really been comfortable around kids, and I find that the older I get, the more true that is. I couldn't relate to them when I was one, and I haven't gotten any better at it.

I think far too many people have kids because they're "supposed to" or it's the "natural order of things" or whatever. I didn't get married to have kids, I got married to have a husband. I'm not less of a woman for not being a mom, even though people definitely seem to look at it that way.

Parenthood is NOT for everyone, and I think that people should consider it carefully before making a decision either way. For me - I don't have the patience, energy, altruism, or deep love of children to make a good mother. I'd be worried ALL the time for one reason or another. Not for me.

More power to you if you can devote your life to having kids, though. Somebody needs to do it! Truly great parents really make me happy, which is one of many reasons I don't have kids - because I don't believe I'd be one.

 

[SSBBW Katerina]

Since I've gotten married I feel I'm getting pressure to start a family and not even from family members. (Steve's family and my family both know that we aren't planning on children...and they all agree it's the best thing for all involved lol) It seems there is a baby boom at work and I'm constantly hearing "Bridget, you're next!!" or "Bridget, when are you going to have a couple of kids?"

I would like to be able to say "Well, it's none of your business" but that would be rude. Ok..what I'd REALLY like to say is that I think pregnancy is repulsive - yeah it's beautiful and a miracle and all that crap, but someone LIVING in my gut for 9 months?!? CREEPY - that I don't think it's worth it financially, and that I just don't want the responsibility. But those are probably worse responses than the "none of your business" one.

And oh the LOOK OF HORROR when I tell people that I'm not having kids because I don't want them. Like I just shot Bambi's mother right in front of him for crying out loud.

Even worse than the pressure of having babies that bothers me so much as the way that the mothers are so damn condescending to childless married women. Like I'm less of a person, all of a sudden I don't exist or something. That I can't possibly understand how busy they are, or how much they have to do in a day or how I'll never experience real unconditional love unless I become a parent.

If my decision to not have children is OK with me, then why can't it be OK with everyone else? When women at work are pregnant for the 3rd or 4th time I don't say "Jeez, isn't it time to stop yet?!!?" And believe me...sometimes I want to say it.

There are times when I do feel somewhat guilty for not wanting kids. I know there are people out there that would do anything for a child, and it makes me feel sort of like a heartless monster sometimes to be honest, that I have no desire to have children.

Am I the only one that feels this way??

No, hon, ur not on ur own. I'm childfree by choice.

Ciao.

 

[Hehe]

The way I see it, I haven't even satisfied myself and my life, so why would I want to give up on myself and start living my life for someone else. Yeah I am selfish. But I also just don't like children. I worked for 6 years in a few grocery stores, and hearing children scream and cry all day and watching them disobey their parents was enough for me to decide never to procreate.

People always say, "When are you and your girlfriend going to get married and have kids?" and I am always completely open and it usually shocks people. (Hehe shock factor is how I live though, I just love to see the look on people's faces when I say absurd things.)

I mean don't get me wrong, I believe people were put on this world for two things: to slay one another (this is just an observation judging by mankind's lust for bloodshed) and also to reproduce to keep the species going just like any other animal, we just got our priorities twisted up somewhere along the way. So I'm all for other people having children. It just isn't for me.

 

[spiritangel]

I think either option is ok but I was talking to Claudia Christian About this when I did her reading and she said something that really struck a cord with me

Cause I am at that age where it may or may not happen I am ok with either option here now I have always been a make the most of whatever is thrown in my path

the thing she said was that not having children has allowed her stronger and deeper relationships with her friends than she would have been able to have had she had children

I think its sad that society sees a lack of children as either poor you or a bad choice after all not everyone who has children is equiped well for it

 

[NoWayOut]

I do find it kind of interesting how our generation is really the first one to realize that it is actually a choice whether or not to have kids. It used to just be assumed.

Really, I don't know why it took me this long to realize I don't want kids. I was always trying to avoid the "get married" space in Life (which of course, the game won't allow).

 

[Micara]

I went to a children's museum today and after about 10 minutes realized that not only do I never want anymore children, but that it's amazing that I even had one given my patience with other people's kids. Of course, my daughter doesn't run around like a hooligan and never really did.

I think my problem with kids is the way that parents overindulge them nowadays and let them do whatever the heck they want with no manners or reprimands. It sickens me. How are these children going to grow up to be functional adults when they have no consequences and have everything handed to them?

My daughter is 14 now and was not planned, but I am still relatively young and I get the "Aren't you going to have another?" question pretty often. I just have no desire. One of the hardest things for me was telling my boyfriend, who is much younger than me, that I really do not want any more children. I'm not sure how that's going to affect things down the road, but it's not something I can see myself compromising on.

And for GoofyGirl about the pregnancy is gross feeling? I totally get that- I felt the same way about breastfeeding. I could never do it. I just couldn't have a baby hanging off my boobs like that. I had to put up with all the know-it-all mothers insisting that "it's so much better for the baby!" Well, my daughter is beautiful, healthy, makes straight-A's, and involved with 4 sports, and scholastic bowl, AND the chess club, and she was brought up on straight formula, whichever kind I could afford with a coupon. So stuff it.