DisenchantedDreamer
Member
Hello. I just wanted to share a quick story with everyone and get a different perspective about how I feel or how I should feel. I posted to the weight board a few months back about a situation that was occurring in my life, regarding a girl I met online in a bbw chat room. We became very close and enjoyed talking and even met 3 times (she lives 4 hours away). Well, to make a long story short, she told me early on about hating herself because of her size and I let her know that I accepted and even preferred her at her larger size (260 lbs). So, she was in the midst of her doctor appointments for the gastric bypass surgery and let me know that it was going to happen this fall. I did my best to convince her otherwise, but never was completely unsupportive. I guess I felt that it might never happen and I just always put it out of my mind when we talked. Well, she just had the surgery last week and it was very hard for me to deal with emotionally. She does finally understand about my preference and everything, but we are still trying to continue a relationship, although it is very difficult for me to do at this time. I feel very terrible and selfish about my feelings, but they just won't go away. I cannot fathom a lifetime of restrictions and limitations for her and the physical changes that are occurring right now. It just overwhelms me to think about it and I'm not sure that it's what I want. I never imagined I would be in a situation like this. When I've dated girls in the past, they have all had an acceptance of themselves that I have highlighted and helped them feel more comfortable. I just feel sick that this surgery has actually affected my feelings. I feel so shallow, but my insides are torn apart by this and I actually feel better when not talking to her. She consistently brings up all of these things related to the surgery and, despite trying to listen and be there for her, it is so hard to deal with. So, I don't know where to go from here.
