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feel awful and confused =(

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S-Mac

Member
Joined
Nov 26, 2007
Messages
23
Location
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Well, my girlfriend(of one year) wants to lose weight and get down to about 120-125(she's 5'1')
her 'normal' weight has been around the 150s for most of her life, and recently when I started going out with her, she gained 30 pounds and went into the 180s.

Ok, so I'm most attracted to women in their 170-200s, and I personally feel like my lower limit is 135-140ish..

She knows this, last month I 'came out' to her as a FA.

Now, here's my problem...
I feel so incredibly shallow. She wants to be in the 120s range(last month ago it was the 130-140s range, but maybe also because it was the same time i 'came out')

I love her so much, but yet, this is tearing me apart. It's like there's the 2 sides of me, the one who is selfless and only wants her to be happy, and the selfish part of me who wants what I want.

It's confusing. I honestly feel that I can't be attracted to someone that thin, it's just who I am and my sexual attraction preferences. But it makes me feel so shallow and bleh. I want to find the woman I love attractive in my eyes, which I currently do very much so, even though she's already lost the 30 pounds she put on and is back in the 150s range, which I still feel very attracted to.

I hate this feeling, I feel so shallow and selfish because I want her to stay at her current weight or gain. She knows I prefer her bigger, but I have not told her about me preferring her to gain.

I'm just confused as what to think, I feel shallow, and I feel wierd that this is such a serious thing to me..i mean, I love her, it shouldnt even matter at all right??



Sorry about it being all over the place, thanks if you read and even more thanks if you comment.
 

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