No, I agree with you on the theories of why people will stay with people who cheat if there are mitigating reasons, but I refuse to concede that the marriage model is "flawed"; in your examples, clearly it was the couple that was flawed, and that's why people can get divorced in this country. Assuming these are two people who can split up and leave independent lives (which I imagine is the case for most divorces in this country), there's no reason to do that rather than stay together and cheat. I'm sorry, but if you're advocating just abandoning the pretty reasonable system we have set up in this country, just say so, but it's not broken.You're completely misunderstanding me. I'm not defending cheating. What I'm saying is that there are a lot of reasons people cheat and there are lots of reasons the person whos been cheated on stays with the cheater. Reasons that have nothing to do with self esteem, but mostly finances. You think its easy to walk away when you have three mouths to feed and you can only pay all the bills with TWO incomes? Watch your kids starve, or put up with an asshole. Gee, which one would you choose? And we all dont have huge supportive families to fall back on.
Im not saying cheating is right. Im saying its human. Theres all kinds of reasons why people cheat, and not always is it the fault of the cheater. And you can get married and be happy for years and then begin to loose interest in your spouse or fall out of love years after the fact. How do you know they didnt try to work things out with an uncooperative spouse? Maybe they came to an impasse, who knows. Maybe that should be taken into account when people think about marriage. Its part of the reason I think the marriage model is flawed. Marriage is not an easy or simple thing. You think all your feelings will fall into line after you say I do, but people dont work that way.
Wiccans have this belief that when you get engaged, you do it for a year and a day. During that time you get to examine, really examine why you really want to marry that person. Its a time of deep soul searching. At the end of that year you know youve thought long and hard about every possible situation that could come up and whether or not you are capable of handling it, and each party has a long discussion about what their fears and hopes are. Then if you can agree or disagree amicably, then you get married.
Yes, exactly, thank you!