For Christmas I got a few things that were great. Thank God, nobody bought me clothes thinking they would fit (they NEVER do), etc... I am a SUPER sized woman, and since coming here I was starting to be somewhat okay with it. Well one of the gifts i got was a framed picture of my husband (then boyfriend) and myself when we were dating. I was about 19 in that pic and him 20. I looked, good. I remember those days, and thinking I was hidious. That I was huge and ugly. But I wasn't. I know that now. My husband looked so young. He didn't even sport his usual beard, and was a baby face. He looked like he weighed about 160 pounds, and is 6ft, so he was not chunky at all. We were standing in front of a friend's Harley, around Christmas time. I remember that day well...
When I opened the gift, I was shocked. I did my first reaction, which was to say Thank You with a big smile (I am great at faking TY's all this time) and a part of me was thankful. I have destroyed so many pictures of me over the years, that there isn't many left. So I was thankful to have it. But all night, i couldn't stop thinking about it. When I got home, I cried. Maybe I shouldn't post this here. I know we are supposed to only post happy thoughts about being fat, but I just have no where else were I can express this. I don't even know what to call it. I guess it was like seeing an old friend that died awhile ago, and seeing the shock of their face just stunned me. I mourn myself. That sounds so awful, but thats what it is. Has anyone else felt this way? Or am I being stupid, and just accept the fact I AM the white elephant in the room and get over it?
Please don't be angry with me, i'm sorry if I upset anyone. I just felt there was nowhere else to put this. Also, i'm sorry if I out this in the wrong board, I did try to find the correct place.
T
When I opened the gift, I was shocked. I did my first reaction, which was to say Thank You with a big smile (I am great at faking TY's all this time) and a part of me was thankful. I have destroyed so many pictures of me over the years, that there isn't many left. So I was thankful to have it. But all night, i couldn't stop thinking about it. When I got home, I cried. Maybe I shouldn't post this here. I know we are supposed to only post happy thoughts about being fat, but I just have no where else were I can express this. I don't even know what to call it. I guess it was like seeing an old friend that died awhile ago, and seeing the shock of their face just stunned me. I mourn myself. That sounds so awful, but thats what it is. Has anyone else felt this way? Or am I being stupid, and just accept the fact I AM the white elephant in the room and get over it?
Please don't be angry with me, i'm sorry if I upset anyone. I just felt there was nowhere else to put this. Also, i'm sorry if I out this in the wrong board, I did try to find the correct place.
T
