benzdiesel
Well-Known Member
Hi... new here... I'm not in a position to offer my name or a picture of my face at the moment... it's no offense to the members here, it's just that my "official story" to the family is that I'm "trying to lose" - just to keep them off my back - and I'd just as soon not be found here.
That said...
Name: use my s/n for the moment, please :doh:
Gender: male
age: 18 but quite close to 19
height: 6'3"-ish
weight: 305-ish
Occupation: headed to ASU in north carolina this fall as a freshman, studying computer science
My weight stayed in the 275-280 range for over a year and a half, up until a month or two ago. Then, I have no idea why, it jumped to where it is now. Mostly because of the "high school" environment, my thoughts up to that point had been running along the lines of "holy crap, if i ever hit 300 i'll go insane" - but then by accident, I did... and I realized at that point that it really didn't make any difference to me. Thus, why i'm here.
I've been anywhere from "somewhat chubby" to "obese" ever since I was a kid, and I don't really know why... no life tragedies that turned me to food as my only friend or anything like that..... idk. Maybe it's genetic.
My parents give me a lot of trouble about my size... they're polite and nice about it but I wish they'd just realize it was my business anyway... oh well. Parents plus being in school with all the jocks is where most of my resentment of my size came from up till recently... but here lately, I'm cool with it. Part of it was graduating and not being in a crowd of skinny kids anymore... but I'm not generally influenced much by the people around me, I can't blame that. mostly it was just my family...
My blood pressure and everything is healthy, and I don't have back or knee problems... so I don't see a problem. I am not involved with dating people... simply because I don't think I'd have time to keep a relationship and stay in school... I'm pretty serious about getting my degree on time... who knows what'll happen - but I have always thought that larger folks were more attractive. I don't look at people outside though... that's part of what made me okay with my weight finally - I finally caught on to the fact that what's inside is more important... I've always looked at people from the inside like that but it wasn't until recently that I realized that it applied to me too
So... I don't care how big or how small people are, I'm looking at what kind of person they are... and part of me actually liking my weight now is that I feel like I'm sort of out to show the world that being 300+ lbs doesn't keep me from being a kind, useful member of society.. I hate being social, anyway - but I'm sort of enjoying my weight now that I'm comfortable with it finally as sort of a sign to the world that I'm less shallow than they are. Whether they get the message or not doesn't matter.
I'm definitely not going to lose weight unless it just does it itself. I'm not trying to gain weight... but I've finally realized that even if I do, I don't give a darn anymore. In fact... I'm not trying to gain, as I said, but it'd be kind of cool to me now if I did a bit. I'm definitely going to consider weight loss if it ever gets up to... oh idk, if I gained another 40-50, or maybe even less if I started feeling bad, I'd lose to prevent diabetes or knee problems or something... but right now I feel healthy, and I'm comfortable with it... so there! lol...
Right now I guess you could say I'm just in "Maintenence mode" - i'm letting my weight do what it wants to, because it seems to be pretty stable for the most part. I've gained up to the 305 it's at now here in the last two or three months... but it stayed down at 280-ish for two years before that nearly... so it seems to be pretty stable. It roller-coasters within a small range normally anyway... for example, in the last two weeks alone, i've been anywhere between 298 (lowest) and 311 (highest) - but normal for me at the moment since I seem to have settled back into a routine is 302-305, somewhere in that range. And I'm fine with it.
I admit it, I've lurked for probably a year or a year and a half or so... the entire point of my writing this post (i'm sure you're glad to get to the bottom) was to simply express some form of gratitude to everybody here for having open minds... and for helping to prove the same point that I'm proving. If there's enough people (who look better than the anorexic ones anyway) who don't follow society's skinny standards...eventually, the world might catch on that who somebody is is what matters. Nah...no way.
But anyway... hello everybody, I already know that whole thing got to sound a little stupid... get to know me and I'm not a dramatic person AT ALL, I hate drama and I don't wear emotions on my sleeves and I never say what I'm really thinking... but I thought I might as well be open for the introduction.
View attachment Photo 3.jpg
View attachment Photo 4.jpg
That said...
Name: use my s/n for the moment, please :doh:
Gender: male
age: 18 but quite close to 19
height: 6'3"-ish
weight: 305-ish
Occupation: headed to ASU in north carolina this fall as a freshman, studying computer science
My weight stayed in the 275-280 range for over a year and a half, up until a month or two ago. Then, I have no idea why, it jumped to where it is now. Mostly because of the "high school" environment, my thoughts up to that point had been running along the lines of "holy crap, if i ever hit 300 i'll go insane" - but then by accident, I did... and I realized at that point that it really didn't make any difference to me. Thus, why i'm here.
I've been anywhere from "somewhat chubby" to "obese" ever since I was a kid, and I don't really know why... no life tragedies that turned me to food as my only friend or anything like that..... idk. Maybe it's genetic.
My parents give me a lot of trouble about my size... they're polite and nice about it but I wish they'd just realize it was my business anyway... oh well. Parents plus being in school with all the jocks is where most of my resentment of my size came from up till recently... but here lately, I'm cool with it. Part of it was graduating and not being in a crowd of skinny kids anymore... but I'm not generally influenced much by the people around me, I can't blame that. mostly it was just my family...
My blood pressure and everything is healthy, and I don't have back or knee problems... so I don't see a problem. I am not involved with dating people... simply because I don't think I'd have time to keep a relationship and stay in school... I'm pretty serious about getting my degree on time... who knows what'll happen - but I have always thought that larger folks were more attractive. I don't look at people outside though... that's part of what made me okay with my weight finally - I finally caught on to the fact that what's inside is more important... I've always looked at people from the inside like that but it wasn't until recently that I realized that it applied to me too
So... I don't care how big or how small people are, I'm looking at what kind of person they are... and part of me actually liking my weight now is that I feel like I'm sort of out to show the world that being 300+ lbs doesn't keep me from being a kind, useful member of society.. I hate being social, anyway - but I'm sort of enjoying my weight now that I'm comfortable with it finally as sort of a sign to the world that I'm less shallow than they are. Whether they get the message or not doesn't matter.
I'm definitely not going to lose weight unless it just does it itself. I'm not trying to gain weight... but I've finally realized that even if I do, I don't give a darn anymore. In fact... I'm not trying to gain, as I said, but it'd be kind of cool to me now if I did a bit. I'm definitely going to consider weight loss if it ever gets up to... oh idk, if I gained another 40-50, or maybe even less if I started feeling bad, I'd lose to prevent diabetes or knee problems or something... but right now I feel healthy, and I'm comfortable with it... so there! lol...
Right now I guess you could say I'm just in "Maintenence mode" - i'm letting my weight do what it wants to, because it seems to be pretty stable for the most part. I've gained up to the 305 it's at now here in the last two or three months... but it stayed down at 280-ish for two years before that nearly... so it seems to be pretty stable. It roller-coasters within a small range normally anyway... for example, in the last two weeks alone, i've been anywhere between 298 (lowest) and 311 (highest) - but normal for me at the moment since I seem to have settled back into a routine is 302-305, somewhere in that range. And I'm fine with it.
I admit it, I've lurked for probably a year or a year and a half or so... the entire point of my writing this post (i'm sure you're glad to get to the bottom) was to simply express some form of gratitude to everybody here for having open minds... and for helping to prove the same point that I'm proving. If there's enough people (who look better than the anorexic ones anyway) who don't follow society's skinny standards...eventually, the world might catch on that who somebody is is what matters. Nah...no way.
But anyway... hello everybody, I already know that whole thing got to sound a little stupid... get to know me and I'm not a dramatic person AT ALL, I hate drama and I don't wear emotions on my sleeves and I never say what I'm really thinking... but I thought I might as well be open for the introduction.
View attachment Photo 3.jpg
View attachment Photo 4.jpg
