Devil's Subjugate
Rad Moniker
Or it might be. But atleast I got you to click on it. Anyways, I have been an FA for all of my sexual life...pretty much since I realized girls didn't have cooties. Being the goofy awkward middle schooler that I was, I was trying desperately to march to the beat of everyone else. Failed horribly of course, but then high school was more of the same. I dated a really pretty plump girl for about a year (she was maybe 160 or 170) but I would always overhear or catch people talking shit about it. I had made the transition to football player, and that somehow made me eligible to date thin girls? Anyway, it wasn't until college that I started being comfortable with myself and not worrying about popularity. I joined cross-country grew 3 inches and suddenly became popular...most likely because I didn't care anymore. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Man, you must've been drunk!" the night after I slept with a woman who I was truly attracted to. The sad part was, I was like, "yeah...so drunk." I digress...i'm 24 now and it wasn't until the last year or so that I've began being loud and proud about my preference. It was baby steps, first I told my friends I was into thick girls. I've told only 2 of my closest friends my true preference for very large women. Friend: "How big are you talking about man?" Me: "Well, i guess my ideal is around 300 or 400 lbs." Friend: "Holy shit...well, I guess you'll always be taking the fat one at the bar." Me: "Yep...pretty much." My true friends have not only not been rude about it, but they think its hilarious and are glad im not competition for the typical skinny blondes. I don't necessarily volunteer the information, because people don't volunteer "hey im gay" or "hey i like skinny girls" and I view FAs and BBWs as no different. I have yet to be in a relationship with a larger BBW or SSBBW, but a girl i'm interested in is around 360 or so. For the first time in my life, I don't care what people say...and im ready to bring the pain if they do. First of all, I want to say that i'm not comparing FA discrimination as equitable to the bullshit society directs towards BBWs. Our road is not nearly as tough. But I often see closet FA posts that don't really touch on the fact that it's not an easy process either. In fact, they're often insulting an insinuating that FAs in the closet are bad people. As someone who was comfortably closeted for 8 years, I definitly see both sides. My parents found the Dimensions website amongst others in the history cache when I was 16 or so...talk about awkward...and it wasn't plumper stuff it was Cindy G's website (RIP). They wanted me to go to counseling and assumed something was seriously off. My parents aren't condescending and judgemental, they are upstanding moral people whom I greatly look up to. But because of the "health issues" and societal discrimination they were adamantly against believing that this was what I am attracted to, and it was some teenage flight of fancy. We haven't discussed it since, and I've dated a slew of skinny girls (part trying to fit in, part attraction to personality) and I think they assume it went away. Physical attraction is certainly a key component in any relationship (obviously not all of it) but I couldn't imagine marrying a skinny girl. I want to be thinking about my partner while having intercourse, not fantasizing about something I should have had the balls to do. So it's going to be awkward when I introduce them to my BBW fiance at some point in my life, and they will realize that indeed I am what i've always been. Basically, it wasn't until I was 100% happy with who I am, and truly didn't care what anyone said or thought that I was able to make my preferences known. Some people never get to that point their entire lives. But I will say one thing, it's a gigantic weight off my shoulders that I didn't realize I was carrying. If you're an FA online and not real-life, by circumstance you're most likely objectifying women...which is not a healthy mental pattern to be on. So have a little compassion for the closet cases...in hopes that someday they will have the courage to allow themselves to be happy. Anyone have any similar experiences? BTW: Here's the kicker...I live in LA and am an actor/model. Los Angeles is the most judgemental city in the country, and the entertainment industry is chock full of the most vein and narcissisic trend pushers in the world. Talk about trial by fire, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Look for me being the only guy on the Red Carpet with a fat chick. (well, Pierce Brosnan's honey is a plumper but no BBW) Hell yeah.
