shrikearghast
Active Member
Okay... where to begin...
About three months ago I decided I had been single for long enough, and that it was time to start dating again. My last serious relationship ended approximately two years ago, and while I have been intimate with other ladies since then, it was nothing that ever got past the 'we get along decently and you're nice to look at' stage. I was also busy ordering my life - graduating from college, finding a job as a newspaper reporter, and enjoying my time alone.
However, after two years it had gotten stale, and I was ready for something serious - no game playing, no flings... something with the potential to lead to marriage. One of my few required criteria was that the woman that I eventually fall in love with be a BBW, since I am a 100% open, care-free FA, have been so since I was 13. I simply do not find thin girls attractive.
I live in Maine, and there aren't a lot of BBWs that I run into on a day-to-day basis, so I decided to utilize a BBW-focused personals website.
When local searches yielded unpromising results, I eventually widened my field and met a young lady from Texas who, while very, very conservative (I'm a moderate/libertarian), definitely matched up with me with regards to all the important things (wants kids, doesn't smoke, is well educated, doesn't seem to suffer from depression, is witty and strong willed, and is strikingly beautiful). She also happened to be a virgin (I'm 24, she's 20 - it's not so remarkable as it seems in her case), but more on that in a second.
We hit it off smashingly, and have been spending hours on the phone talking every night for about two and a half months. It's gotten to the point where we need to meet, and I'll be flying down to see her on Wednesday. However, the events of this past week have thrown my feelings (and I believe her's as well) into disarray.
My girlfriend suffers from an abnormal menstral cycle. While she is not diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, the symptoms are similar, generally resulting in prolonged bouts of having no periods, followed by devastating, horrible 'mega' periods every 4 or 5 months. She didn't want to go on birth control as a treatment because she is concerned that doing so will serve as an excuse to have premarital sex, and so her doctor recently put her on Metformin, a medicine normally used in diabetes treament, which has also been used to some success to treat menstral disorders. It also happens to be a mildly-potent apetite suppressant, which appears to be causing her to not only get physically ill with a good degree of frequency, but has reduced her consumption of food from 3 meals down to 1.
Now, here's the meat of the issue: I don't want her to get thin. I'm not interested in dating thin girls, and no matter how you flip the concept around, I can't get excited over them. Call me shallow or self-centered, but I believe that love and sexual preference are relatively mutually exclusive, which is to say that I believe I can love someone and not find them sexually attractive, and vice versa.
The one thing I know with certainty is that if my girlfriend begins to drop massive amounts of weight, there will be problems. I just can't deal with it - I'm a young, extremely sexual guy, and while I do believe I love this girl, and do care for her far beyond her looks, I know - deep down inside - that her being thin would cause big issues down the road.
Being a virgin, her reaction when I cautiously attempted to explain this to her was that I was being incredibly shallow. "Sex is not, nor should it be, that important," I was told. Of course, I know that statistically the most common cause of infidelity amongst couples is disatisfaction in the sack. So, while I acknowledge and respect her current choice of the virgin lifestyle, I am not so foolish to believe that - should we eventually get married - that her being thin wouldn't cause me to be quite unhappy with regards to sex.
Her reaction also troubled me deeply, because it didn't seem to matter to her what I thought on the subject. I was wrong, I was being shallow, and I needed to get over it. I know, of course, that there's no such simple answer, but she is naive enought to believe that just such a coy sollution is what the doctor ordered.
My problem here boils down to a simple question - what am I supposed to do? Actually, I lied, it's not quite that simple...
A) Am I a bad person for being open with my partner about my feelings with regards to her physical appearance? She is not massively overweight (or close an area I'd deem unhealthy), and so I don't believe that her current size places her in any immediate danger, and thus I do not think I am being that selfish.
B) If I am not ruled to be a jackass for feeling this way, how do I go about convincing her that I'm not some kind of sex-crazed maniac? This girl has lived a very, very sheltered upbringing, and to say that I believe that her beliefs with regards to sex and relationships are just flat-out wrong would be the understatement of the decade. She's inexperienced and indoctrinated with religious righteousness, a nasty lense through which to attempt to view reality. This girl has been - for all intents and purposes - told by God that sex is an evil, unimportant act shared only by loving husbands and wives. How am I supposed to compete with this divine methodology?
C) For you medical types out there, how likely is Metformin to succeed in making her thin? Am I worrying about nothing?
D) And finally, I believe I'd like to find some text talking about the importance of sex in healthy relationships. My girlfriend seems to think that sex, on the whole, is not nearly as important as other aspects of a functional relationship. She also seems to believe that sexual satisfaction is derived from love, rather than physical fulfillment. While I don't believe that the two are always exclusive, I know for a fact I can have a damned fine time with someone without loving them, and thus her point of view is incorrect. Anyone have any helpful links with doctor-like advice that I might pass on or share with her?
Thank you for any and all help.
About three months ago I decided I had been single for long enough, and that it was time to start dating again. My last serious relationship ended approximately two years ago, and while I have been intimate with other ladies since then, it was nothing that ever got past the 'we get along decently and you're nice to look at' stage. I was also busy ordering my life - graduating from college, finding a job as a newspaper reporter, and enjoying my time alone.
However, after two years it had gotten stale, and I was ready for something serious - no game playing, no flings... something with the potential to lead to marriage. One of my few required criteria was that the woman that I eventually fall in love with be a BBW, since I am a 100% open, care-free FA, have been so since I was 13. I simply do not find thin girls attractive.
I live in Maine, and there aren't a lot of BBWs that I run into on a day-to-day basis, so I decided to utilize a BBW-focused personals website.
When local searches yielded unpromising results, I eventually widened my field and met a young lady from Texas who, while very, very conservative (I'm a moderate/libertarian), definitely matched up with me with regards to all the important things (wants kids, doesn't smoke, is well educated, doesn't seem to suffer from depression, is witty and strong willed, and is strikingly beautiful). She also happened to be a virgin (I'm 24, she's 20 - it's not so remarkable as it seems in her case), but more on that in a second.
We hit it off smashingly, and have been spending hours on the phone talking every night for about two and a half months. It's gotten to the point where we need to meet, and I'll be flying down to see her on Wednesday. However, the events of this past week have thrown my feelings (and I believe her's as well) into disarray.
My girlfriend suffers from an abnormal menstral cycle. While she is not diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, the symptoms are similar, generally resulting in prolonged bouts of having no periods, followed by devastating, horrible 'mega' periods every 4 or 5 months. She didn't want to go on birth control as a treatment because she is concerned that doing so will serve as an excuse to have premarital sex, and so her doctor recently put her on Metformin, a medicine normally used in diabetes treament, which has also been used to some success to treat menstral disorders. It also happens to be a mildly-potent apetite suppressant, which appears to be causing her to not only get physically ill with a good degree of frequency, but has reduced her consumption of food from 3 meals down to 1.
Now, here's the meat of the issue: I don't want her to get thin. I'm not interested in dating thin girls, and no matter how you flip the concept around, I can't get excited over them. Call me shallow or self-centered, but I believe that love and sexual preference are relatively mutually exclusive, which is to say that I believe I can love someone and not find them sexually attractive, and vice versa.
The one thing I know with certainty is that if my girlfriend begins to drop massive amounts of weight, there will be problems. I just can't deal with it - I'm a young, extremely sexual guy, and while I do believe I love this girl, and do care for her far beyond her looks, I know - deep down inside - that her being thin would cause big issues down the road.
Being a virgin, her reaction when I cautiously attempted to explain this to her was that I was being incredibly shallow. "Sex is not, nor should it be, that important," I was told. Of course, I know that statistically the most common cause of infidelity amongst couples is disatisfaction in the sack. So, while I acknowledge and respect her current choice of the virgin lifestyle, I am not so foolish to believe that - should we eventually get married - that her being thin wouldn't cause me to be quite unhappy with regards to sex.
Her reaction also troubled me deeply, because it didn't seem to matter to her what I thought on the subject. I was wrong, I was being shallow, and I needed to get over it. I know, of course, that there's no such simple answer, but she is naive enought to believe that just such a coy sollution is what the doctor ordered.
My problem here boils down to a simple question - what am I supposed to do? Actually, I lied, it's not quite that simple...
A) Am I a bad person for being open with my partner about my feelings with regards to her physical appearance? She is not massively overweight (or close an area I'd deem unhealthy), and so I don't believe that her current size places her in any immediate danger, and thus I do not think I am being that selfish.
B) If I am not ruled to be a jackass for feeling this way, how do I go about convincing her that I'm not some kind of sex-crazed maniac? This girl has lived a very, very sheltered upbringing, and to say that I believe that her beliefs with regards to sex and relationships are just flat-out wrong would be the understatement of the decade. She's inexperienced and indoctrinated with religious righteousness, a nasty lense through which to attempt to view reality. This girl has been - for all intents and purposes - told by God that sex is an evil, unimportant act shared only by loving husbands and wives. How am I supposed to compete with this divine methodology?
C) For you medical types out there, how likely is Metformin to succeed in making her thin? Am I worrying about nothing?
D) And finally, I believe I'd like to find some text talking about the importance of sex in healthy relationships. My girlfriend seems to think that sex, on the whole, is not nearly as important as other aspects of a functional relationship. She also seems to believe that sexual satisfaction is derived from love, rather than physical fulfillment. While I don't believe that the two are always exclusive, I know for a fact I can have a damned fine time with someone without loving them, and thus her point of view is incorrect. Anyone have any helpful links with doctor-like advice that I might pass on or share with her?
Thank you for any and all help.
