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Size acceptance... really?

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Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
1,649
Location
Germany
Pretty sure I will regret posting this...

Over the last past weeks or months I have read and followed a few threads and posts here about relationships, fat admiration as kink or fetish, changes of shape and/or size and the resulting lack of admiration.
My thoughts went between anger and giving up hope.

Reading various opinions, descriptions of life situations, getting insight on circumstances in real life show me: everybody is trying to live their best life as they want to. They like what they like. I am not judging anyone.

Nevertheless something triggered me.
One is: this place here at dimensions is about size acceptance. We probably all agree that the majority of "society" is fat-phobic. Their mantra towards fat people: change and get thin.
In a place that claims size acceptance of everyone's own shape and size I am surprised that the main goal of many people here seem to be changing to bigger. The bigger, the better.
(That's actually fine if someone decides for themselves to change their own appearance in any way. )
When it comes to relationships or partners: I have heard from people and read a lot here: "How can I secretly fatten up my partner?" "I lose sexual interest with their weight loss." "Where are the super-sized folks with huge xyz?" "I need to fatten you up!"
Is it fat admiration? yes, i have no doubt about it.
Is it fat acceptance ? I have serious doubts.
If there is a wish or an urgent need to change someone it is not acceptance.

Second point
I couldn't stop thinking about fat attraction as a fetish and being fetishized as - in my case - a fat woman .
According to Cambrigde dictionary
fetishizizing means

to have a sexual interest in an object or a part of the body other than the sexual organs, or in a person as if they are an object:

I am more than my (fat) body, or even body parts only, I am a person not an object.

If a body type is fetishized and for whatever reason the body changes and isn't the right object anymore - what happens?
I have a serious question to people who are wired like that:
Can you imagine how it feels for someone to realize being reduced to their body or body parts only?

Yeah I know, we don't choose what we like.

But please, just imagine for a moment how it feels to be reduced to the shape of any body part only instead as a person.

[It is an insult, a rejection that cuts deep.]

And at this point I am really giving up.

I can understand that attraction isn't something we chose. We are made like that and it is what it is.

However, in case I would be looking for a long term relationship as a fat woman in the fat admirer community I can chose from
a) being someone's "fat secret"
b) being something like a fat toy for someone, admired as long as I am fat or get bigger but rejected when appearance changes in a wrong way
c) being with someone who sees the extra weight as a bonus to a personality.


Guess what:
Only one of these choices is something I would want in a long term relationship. It's the one that puts my personality first -unfortunately it seems to be very rare.

I am absolutely fine with myself, how I look, who I am as a person. I can handle people who dislike my appearance. I can handle people who dislike my attitude as a fat woman.
But:
I don't want to be objectified.
I don't want to be fetishized.
I don't want to be changed.

I actually expect only a few things: respect for instance.

I'd rather become the crazy old lady with cats than being objectified by someone pretending to love me but ... oops... it's only my huge & low hanging belly roll... 🙄

I am not a long term member here at Dimensions. Over a short period of time I learned a lot about myself, I met incredible people here. I am just not sure if it is still the place i thought it was - where it is about size acceptance.
Currently it feels more like a feeder/ feedism and/ or fat fetish community. Not my thing.

If I hit someone's nerves with this post - please let me know why I am wrong or what I am missing.
 

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