Where to begin..
When I was a teenager, I was very social. I had lots of friends and was a complete social butterfly. After my brother died when I was 18, I began to withdraw. It was in combination with other traumas as well but I think that was the one that began pushing me over the edge. It was gradual though..over a period of years.
I eventually came to a place where I had somewhat agoraphobic tendencies. I have battled them as much as possible. Being that I have isolated myself so much, I've developed social anxiety and feel like I've lost a lot of social skills. I have a fear of interacting with people, scared of doing or saying something wrong, and then it's almost as if it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I will find myself doing something unintentionally that sabotages relationships. It's not intentional. It's actually me trying to avoid sabotaging it that causes me to sabotage it. If that makes any sense. Then it will turn into a period of self loathing. I will cry out of pure frustration. Then, repeat the process all over again.
The last week has just been one series of horrible events after another. I can see it happening and yet it just seems to spiral out of control. Does anyone else understand this?
When I was a teenager, I was very social. I had lots of friends and was a complete social butterfly. After my brother died when I was 18, I began to withdraw. It was in combination with other traumas as well but I think that was the one that began pushing me over the edge. It was gradual though..over a period of years.
I eventually came to a place where I had somewhat agoraphobic tendencies. I have battled them as much as possible. Being that I have isolated myself so much, I've developed social anxiety and feel like I've lost a lot of social skills. I have a fear of interacting with people, scared of doing or saying something wrong, and then it's almost as if it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I will find myself doing something unintentionally that sabotages relationships. It's not intentional. It's actually me trying to avoid sabotaging it that causes me to sabotage it. If that makes any sense. Then it will turn into a period of self loathing. I will cry out of pure frustration. Then, repeat the process all over again.
The last week has just been one series of horrible events after another. I can see it happening and yet it just seems to spiral out of control. Does anyone else understand this?
