SisterGoldenHair
Well-Known Member
i've been with my boyfriend for over two years now... and during that time, i've baked him countless cakes and cookies, made him dinners, gotten him snacks while he sat on the couch watching tv ("No no honey, don't get up, i was gonna go get a glass of water anyway."), brung him home food from the restaurant i work at (yep, FFA working in food service! hahah)... goodness knows how many hours total i've spent fawning all over him, kissing and patting and hugging his tummy... i haven't exactly skimped on the praise, either...
and though he is a big loveable doofus who, like most guys, couldn't take a hint from a woman if she were holding up a neon sign, i've been seeing more and more signs that it's sinking in...
... that he's figured it out.
for example, he has always been self-deprecating about his physical appearance. he would say things like "i don't get how you look at this and see 'handsome'." or "i never thought you'd go for ugly old me." and i know that he was at least partially fishing for compliments, but he really meant them. he would get this look on his face like he disgusted himself (i know that look, it's been on my own face about a million times). but now, it's pretty obvious that he's fishing for compliments, and the scary thing is that lately it's like he knows exactly what's coming. like now, he's not fishing to see if he'll actually GET a compliment, but he's fishing because he KNOWS he'll get them and he wants to HEAR them. which is quite a progression.
tonight we went out to dinner with my family. this place had GIGANTIC portions. he was one of very few people in that restaurant tonight that finished his whole plate (you could see those red doggie-bags EVERYWHERE, no joke). he was saying stuff to me like "i feel like i won" and "you didn't think i could DO it, did you??" with a big grin on his face.
when we first started going out, of course i would snuggle up next to him and stick my hand up his shirt, resting it on his belly. i can't help it, it's just the way i'm wired. it made him uncomfortable, he even said something to me about it once, it was almost like he thought i was mocking him somehow. and now, he'll lift up his own shirt and place my hand on his tummy himself.
and he's talked to me many times about "working out" and "losing the gut" and "getting deisel" and a "sixpack" and every time i've vehemently protested, telling him i love him the way he is. sometimes he'll try to slip "Healthy" in there, and then i give him long lectures about how fat does not equal unhealthy/thin does not equal healthy, because i know way more about health issues than he does. i managed to get him to start taking a daily multivitamin, because he sure as hell isn't going to eat his veggies.
and sometimes he'll make a joke about it, "i'm going to go to the gym and get ripped and look like John Basedow," (kind of a running joke by now, as i've said many times how freaky i think he looks), and even though i know he's just teasing me i can't stop myself from squealing out a shrill "NO!" and clinging to him. or he'll talk about how maybe he should cut down on the snacks, and i'll just look at him funny and say simply, "why?" and when he can't come up with an answer, i just go "well there we are then." and then ten minutes later he'll ask me to get him some cookies.
and there are other things he's started doing, like how he'll walk into the room doing a silly "sexy dance" for me while pulling up his shirt, or he'll just randomly shake his belly (completely out of nowhere and for no apparent reason), compare us in various ways to Peter and Lois from Family Guy, occasionally ask me to feed him (as in, put food in his mouth! lucky me!)... and there are less goofy things too, like when we're cuddling or making out or whatever and he'll ask me for "little kisses", which is what he's started calling me butterfly-kissing his tummy. keep in mind, when we first started dating he wasn't even totally comfortable with me touching his stomach.
and he's way less shy about stuffing himself in front of me. he'll even make a show of it, patting his tummy and pushing back his chair and making comments, like he did tonight.
all this stuff is exhilerating and at the same time frightening beyond belief... because for all that, i'm still very much a closeted ffa. i have no idea how much he's really guessed. it's impossible to tell. and i keep wondering how he'd react to all this... what he'd think of me... what he'd think of us. would he like it? would it offend him? would it just plain freak him out? or would he be indifferent?
no one's ever found me out before.
except for one man.
one of my best friends for ages, whom i dated for a very short time before my current boyfriend (and who i'm still very good friends with). it was an offhand comment, and he never mentioned anything about it again...
we were sitting together, just cuddling and rolling around and being silly... and he apologized for the millionth time that week for "getting fat" (he was still on the skinny side of average, it was completely absurd, i bet he weighed less than me), and i told him for the millionth time that week, saying every word slowly so that he would get it, "(Name), i dont, like, skinny guys." and after a slight pause, he starts laughing. he goes, "You're a chubby chaser..." and just keeps giggling, like it amused him and that was it. never brought it up again. i was just startled and didn't reply.
this is different though, i don't know what to think anymore.
::weird::
wow, sorry. that was a whole lot of rambling... don't even know where i was going with all that. just kind of needed to get it out, you know?
and though he is a big loveable doofus who, like most guys, couldn't take a hint from a woman if she were holding up a neon sign, i've been seeing more and more signs that it's sinking in...
... that he's figured it out.
for example, he has always been self-deprecating about his physical appearance. he would say things like "i don't get how you look at this and see 'handsome'." or "i never thought you'd go for ugly old me." and i know that he was at least partially fishing for compliments, but he really meant them. he would get this look on his face like he disgusted himself (i know that look, it's been on my own face about a million times). but now, it's pretty obvious that he's fishing for compliments, and the scary thing is that lately it's like he knows exactly what's coming. like now, he's not fishing to see if he'll actually GET a compliment, but he's fishing because he KNOWS he'll get them and he wants to HEAR them. which is quite a progression.
tonight we went out to dinner with my family. this place had GIGANTIC portions. he was one of very few people in that restaurant tonight that finished his whole plate (you could see those red doggie-bags EVERYWHERE, no joke). he was saying stuff to me like "i feel like i won" and "you didn't think i could DO it, did you??" with a big grin on his face.
when we first started going out, of course i would snuggle up next to him and stick my hand up his shirt, resting it on his belly. i can't help it, it's just the way i'm wired. it made him uncomfortable, he even said something to me about it once, it was almost like he thought i was mocking him somehow. and now, he'll lift up his own shirt and place my hand on his tummy himself.
and he's talked to me many times about "working out" and "losing the gut" and "getting deisel" and a "sixpack" and every time i've vehemently protested, telling him i love him the way he is. sometimes he'll try to slip "Healthy" in there, and then i give him long lectures about how fat does not equal unhealthy/thin does not equal healthy, because i know way more about health issues than he does. i managed to get him to start taking a daily multivitamin, because he sure as hell isn't going to eat his veggies.
and sometimes he'll make a joke about it, "i'm going to go to the gym and get ripped and look like John Basedow," (kind of a running joke by now, as i've said many times how freaky i think he looks), and even though i know he's just teasing me i can't stop myself from squealing out a shrill "NO!" and clinging to him. or he'll talk about how maybe he should cut down on the snacks, and i'll just look at him funny and say simply, "why?" and when he can't come up with an answer, i just go "well there we are then." and then ten minutes later he'll ask me to get him some cookies.
and there are other things he's started doing, like how he'll walk into the room doing a silly "sexy dance" for me while pulling up his shirt, or he'll just randomly shake his belly (completely out of nowhere and for no apparent reason), compare us in various ways to Peter and Lois from Family Guy, occasionally ask me to feed him (as in, put food in his mouth! lucky me!)... and there are less goofy things too, like when we're cuddling or making out or whatever and he'll ask me for "little kisses", which is what he's started calling me butterfly-kissing his tummy. keep in mind, when we first started dating he wasn't even totally comfortable with me touching his stomach.
and he's way less shy about stuffing himself in front of me. he'll even make a show of it, patting his tummy and pushing back his chair and making comments, like he did tonight.
all this stuff is exhilerating and at the same time frightening beyond belief... because for all that, i'm still very much a closeted ffa. i have no idea how much he's really guessed. it's impossible to tell. and i keep wondering how he'd react to all this... what he'd think of me... what he'd think of us. would he like it? would it offend him? would it just plain freak him out? or would he be indifferent?
no one's ever found me out before.
except for one man.
one of my best friends for ages, whom i dated for a very short time before my current boyfriend (and who i'm still very good friends with). it was an offhand comment, and he never mentioned anything about it again...
we were sitting together, just cuddling and rolling around and being silly... and he apologized for the millionth time that week for "getting fat" (he was still on the skinny side of average, it was completely absurd, i bet he weighed less than me), and i told him for the millionth time that week, saying every word slowly so that he would get it, "(Name), i dont, like, skinny guys." and after a slight pause, he starts laughing. he goes, "You're a chubby chaser..." and just keeps giggling, like it amused him and that was it. never brought it up again. i was just startled and didn't reply.
this is different though, i don't know what to think anymore.
::weird::
wow, sorry. that was a whole lot of rambling... don't even know where i was going with all that. just kind of needed to get it out, you know?
