Tips for BHM with Autism and more?

Discussion in 'BHM/FFA' started by FatPiggyBoy4U, Mar 13, 2019.

  1. Mar 13, 2019 #1

    FatPiggyBoy4U

    FatPiggyBoy4U

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    Hello everyone. I'm Autistic and I have a crippling lack of social skills. In addition, I'm nearly 30 and a virgin, and I've never had a relationship. I'm on disability for Autism and I don't drive so that further limits my ability to go out. I'm pretty much a house hermit and lay around all day putting on weight.

    I'd really like to branch out but my main means of meeting people is online and I suck at creating a profile. I really want to get out and meet people but I don't know how.

    I'd very much appreciate if people could offer some help. Some female perspective would especially be welcomed.
     
  2. Mar 13, 2019 #2

    loopytheone

    loopytheone

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    Hiya, I'm a woman, but I'm also autistic and the same age as you, so I understand how you feel. I'm also disabled, don't drive and stay inside a lot, hah.

    I'm the type that is happy to avoid social contact so I'm probably not the best at giving advice here. Are you looking to make friends in general or meet other fat people or FFAs? My suggestions would depend on what kind of social contact you are looking for.
     
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  3. Mar 13, 2019 #3

    FatPiggyBoy4U

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    Hello there. I'm looking primarily to meet people in person but online relationships are nice too.
     
  4. Mar 13, 2019 #4

    loopytheone

    loopytheone

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    Are you looking for friends or people to date?
     
  5. Mar 13, 2019 #5

    FatPiggyBoy4U

    FatPiggyBoy4U

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    Both but preferably date. There's a bar in walking distance of me but I've never had much success there. One couple years ago, most seem to think was hitting on me but being autistic it all flew over my head at the time so I it became a lost opportunity.
     
  6. Mar 13, 2019 #6

    BigElectricKat

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    Far be it from me to consider myself a source of knowledge in the world of dating or making friends considering my own current situation. But some advice I gave another person here might be a good starting place for you. A great way to meet like minded people is to find/join special interest groups. Look for online or local venues that cater to any of your own interests/hobbies, whatever they may be. There you have a basis for striking up conversations through a shared interest.

    Now if only that could work for me...
     
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  7. Mar 14, 2019 #7

    loopytheone

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    BEK is absolutely right. If you are looking to meet people IRL, I would suggest joining groups for things that you are interested in and generally going out and socialising with people as much as possible. You'll meet friends of friends that way, some of them potential date material.

    I don't know of any groups for BHM in person, though. There are certainly websites that help BHM/BBW find dates, such as Feabie, Fantasy Feeder etc that might be helpful for online stuff.
     
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  8. Mar 22, 2019 #8

    Crumbling

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    I was a 'late bloomer', I have some pretty bad social anxiety and self confidence issues myself. I joined a gaming group.. and gave myself a reason to leave the house and socialise once a week. I still cringe at the memory of missteps, and more so missed opportunities (because hindsight is 20:20) ... but i learned from my mistakes. I built a network of friends, I acquired a career, had relationships. Friends introduced me to other friends... and eventually I crossed orbits with the woman who has been my partner in crime for over a decade.

    It's a hard thing to do... but social skills are like every other kind of skill. You need to practice and use them to 'get good' and while it can be awkward, even for the neurotypical, you will get there.
    Online chat and groups can help you develop some of those skills but if you want to have real life relationships you need to practice those skills in real life.

    Join groups that interest you, take a class, join a club, volunteer, attend a talk at your local library... if you want to develop your social skills you need to give yourself opportunities to be social and sociable.

    Relationships, of all kinds, can and will develop out of that.

    As for the virgin thing, it can seem like a bigger deal than it actually is. Every time is a learning experience. When you met the right person(s)... It won't matter.

    I'm rooting for you. The first steps take courage but it gets easier. If I can do it... so can you.
     
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  9. Apr 17, 2019 #9

    fat hiker

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    And if joining a group seems intimidating, ease into by taking an evening course in something that interests you. When you're doing something you like, it's a lot easier to talk to other people.
     
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  10. Apr 28, 2019 #10

    ODFFA

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    I hadn't been posting here much lately, but had kept my eye on this thread. As far as advice goes, I was going to say pretty much what @fat hiker and @Crumbling have said.

    I am on the spectrum myself, so I have my own fair idea of the challenges involved -- the sensory overload, the analysis paralysis of trying to read social cues. Basically, you're dealing with unique neural processing challenges. So one thing that's important to say in this instance is: be kind to yourself. Crumbling is right, these are skills that can be improved to a fair extent. Just remember to be a patient friend and ally to yourself while you're figuring it out.

    And as you're getting to know people better and you feel the opportunity presents itself, disclose if you feel comfortable. Most people are bound to gain a newfound respect for you and those that don't... often have some issues of their own to work through. Straightforwardness can be a refreshing social / romantic superpower of yours, as long as you keep it respectful.

    One thing I've had to make my peace with as a non-NT is that I am not for everyone. This is true for any person, but it can be especially true for someone with autism. There will be people who are somehow just especially equipped to understand you. (There are plenty NTs like this, I promise.) Those are your people and you'll find them the more you put yourself out there. They'll be the people who get to benefit from your company, because you undoubtedly have something to offer. Many people still have a very one-size-fits-all approach, so it can be hard to believe this when you feel like you seldom fit the mold. But the mold is a load of old bollocks, and there are people who will -- rightly -- appreciate you for you.
     
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