When Fatherhood Is Not an Option

[CynPart2]

Hi, all. I’ve been popping in and out of Dimensions since the mid-90s, so this is a "not-quite-newbie" post. (My old screen name had posts with lots of ancient, forgettable history.)

Here's the problem, and I hope you can help... I’m 43, diabetic (with HTN and mild neuropathy), working FT, and going to school, so I’ve determined that pregnancy is not a wise option for me. Consequently, I’ve decided to undergo sterilization. My husband, who also has a long family history of health problems, understands the reasons on an intellectual level and fully supports my decision. But, emotionally, he’s having a hard time coping with the notion of never experiencing fatherhood. (We met in midlife, and this is a first marriage for both of us.) He regards fatherhood as the chance to leave behind a legacy and "bring life full circle."

I love him with all my heart and wish that I knew how to help him through this painful period. Although I believe that life is filled with many other opportunities to leave behind a legacy, I don’t know how to help him view his life’s purpose in terms that don’t necessarily include being a parent. Have other people here experienced this dilemma? What helped you make peace with the decision to not have children?

Cynthia

 

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