You'll like it, it's got aliens in it - by IrishBard (~BBW,~BHM, ~XWG)

Discussion in 'Fantasy/Science Fiction Archive' started by IrishBard, Apr 16, 2010.

  1. Apr 16, 2010 #1

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    womble/leprechaun hybrid!

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    ~BBW, ~BHM, ~XWG - A large stranger enters a bar...

    You'll like it, it's got aliens in it
    by IrishBard


    [Author’s Note:] Just a fun little story that I hope you all enjoy

    Chapter One: Where to Begin.

    The nightclub stopped as he entered. Everyone stared, gob-smacked, at him. Like nothing they’d ever seen, he simply strolled into the bar, perfectly confident. There was nothing particularly attractive about his features, or about his style of clothing, but the way he held himself caught everyone’s eye. A calm, confident stroll, his weight perfectly distributed between both feet. And there was a lot of weight to distribute.

    He was titanic; a huge belly pushed at least 3 feet in front of him, pressed into his flowery shirt, the buttons looking as though they are going to burst of. The top is undone, just a bit, to reveal the beginnings of epic moobage. His butt and thighs were stuffed into a pair of chinos, and his meaty arms were wedged inside his jacket. His small beard pushed over onto his double chin. It was unclear just what about this look was attractive, but, whatever it was, it made everyone go weak at the knees and wet downstairs.

    He strolled up to the bar, not taking his eyes off the bar tender, a young, skinny man about his age. Being careful not to sit at the bar stools, he smiled at the bartender.
    “Straight whiskey, please, it’s cold outside.”
    “Of course!” the bartender said, “One whisky coming straight up... hold me...”

    “Sorry, Dan,” the man heard two voices behind him. Female, definitely, trying to be seductive, but not so secretly gagging for a chance to screw him. “But he’s ours for tonight.” He turned around, two girls, slender, sleek, one redhead in a green dress, one blonde in a scarlet dress. “We don’t usually like fat guys, but with you, we don’t mind sharing.”

    “Well, if you don’t usually like fat guys,” the man said, catching his drink (it had taken him about a week to get that skill perfected) and taking a sip. “I think I might take my leave. Thanks, Dan.”

    “No, no, please don’t go!” screamed the blonde as Dan fainted, Basil faulty style. “You make us so horny...please stay...”

    “Well,” the man said, “if you’re so insistent, then, maybe, but you’re really not my type.”

    “We’ll become you’re type!” the redhead shouted, “We’ll do anything, please... stay a little longer.”

    “Very well,” the man said, after a pause, “I think it’s best if I introduce myself, My name is Mike.”

    “...Oh, Julie and Jesse,” said the red head, after snapping out of the trance, “You don’t need to remember them.”
    “Well, I’ll try,” Mike replied with a smile. “But before we get down to anything, can we get a seat, I’m not what you’d call... used to standing.”

    Almost immediately, a table was brought forward by the bar staff, two seats and an extra strong chair (actually the bosses seat, but he was offering it), along with it. Mike sat down, the two girls sat close to him, as though to be near him to catch a whiff of his charisma.

    “Thank you,” Mike said politely, making a few more bar members swoon. “Now, before you too commit to something like what you’ve decided, allow me to tell you a story. It all began... could you stop doing that.”

    “Sorry...” Julie said, withdrawing her hand from inside Mike’s shirt, where she was fondling his Moobage. “Wandering hands...”

    “Do we have to listen to this?” moaned Jesse, “I’m horny, I want to do it now.”

    “You’ll like it,” Mike said, “trust me, this storie’s a good one, It’s got aliens in it.”

    The two girls relented. Listen to his story, and then get those trousers off him and do him right there and then as far as they could care.

    “My story begins...”
     
  2. Apr 18, 2010 #2

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    womble/leprechaun hybrid!

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    Mike felt the smooth surface before waking up. It was partly his nakedness, which wasn’t odd in itself, he often slept naked. However, the last thing he remembers before passing out was being fully clothed. Surely someone hadn’t stolen his clothes as well as his wallet, no mugger would be that desperate. Tentatively, he opened his eyes.

    The whiteness greeted him. Smooth walls, smoother surfaces, completely white, like being imprisoned within a Nintendo Wii. He sat up, and looked down himself. He was skinny, scrawny, almost, and certainly not very well...endowed. He scratched his beard, trying to figure out what happened.

    Elisa was not too far off, on another surface. She looked unharmed, and was sleeping soundly. Mike noticed that she was naked too, and there was nothing to cover her up. He searched around, looking for, if not clues, then clothes. He saw an opening, a large and wide opening, leading out into what seemed to be a corridor. Walking over there, he looked to see if there was any reflection from glass or anything similar, nothing, no cheap laughs due to face smearing on the screen.

    There was a Fizzle and waves of electricity blocked his exit.
    “What the...! Oh god, are there more people!” Mike looked over to see a smaller opening to the side. A woman, about his age, Chinese (though with impeccable English) was poking her head around the side of it. Mike made a fumbled attempt to cover up, causing the woman to blush and giggle.

    “Sorry, erm...about that, little...exhibition.”

    “Don’t worry, I had a shock the first time. Two days ago now.” She smiled, “I’m Qui.”

    “Mike. Pleasure. Where are we?”

    Elisa was up, and looking around her. “Mike, what’s happening?”

    “Elisa, come on. Elisa, this is Qui, our neighbor, Qui, meet my girlfriend, Elisa.” The two smiled at each other. “Now, where are we?”

    “Well, from what I gather,” Qui said. “We are, get this, on a space ship.”

    “Wha...?”

    “Yeah, not the only life in the universe, and we’ve been abducted. On the opposite side, you have the Fostons, a married couples who were abducted here. How they do it, why they do it... I don’t know.”

    Mike stood there, amazed. Aliens, space ships, and... why on earth, or rather, why in space, did they want him and Elisa. They weren’t the greatest minds, both uni drop outs, not particularly physically fit (though not fat, by any means), no relation to anyone important.

    “Maybe they want slave labor?” Elisa suggested, “I mean, no-ones going to miss us, really.”

    “I don’t think so,” Qui said. “It looks like we have it pretty nice here. As far as I can tell, these aren’t exactly slave quarters. Of course, we just have this, the ships engines aren’t started, we’re cruising. ”

    Suddenly there was a low hum, and a sudden jerk.

    “What was that now?!” Mike said, falling to the ground.

    “Mike, use the brain in your noggin!” replied Elisa, from the floor. “We’re moving!”
     
  3. Apr 19, 2010 #3

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

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    “Where to?”

    “Who knows...” there was a hum, and parts of the floor rose up, forming tables, chairs, and so on. There was even a computer, floating there, whilst the bed that had previously been tiny spread and opened up to be a huge thing.

    “Oh my god!” Elisa said, “Look at this place, Mike, this is living! Good god, it’s much better than that rubbish little flat back home!”

    “See,” Qui said from the other room, “I don’t think we are slaves. My word, how much booze is in here?!”

    “So, are they trying to keep us sedate or...” there was a hissing sound, Mike looked around and sniffed. “Can you guys smell gas?”

    “Yeah...and it’s making me... hungry.” Elisa looked at him, a slight look of panic in her eyes, “you don’t think..?”

    Suddenly, two hose-like pipes came shooting out of the ceiling, into the couple’s mouths. Mike gave it a tug, it wouldn’t budge. He looked at Elisa, who was yanking at it as hard as she could. He went to her, and put his arms around her, carefully, and lovingly, as though to say “It’s alright, I’m here.” It calmed her down a bit.

    A screen appeared at the front of the cell, what was on it could only be described as alien. It was white, with a head like an upside down egg, with enormous black eyes, which peered at them. It had no nose and no mouth.

    “Testing, testing... is the translation unit in place?” it said, “look, I only learnt some of earth languages for six lunar cycles, and you stupidly took humans from countries who don’t speak the languages I do. Alright, alright, just get ready to... is that thing on?” Elisa and Mike looked at each other, were these aliens invaders, kidnappers, or idiots? Finally the Alien in question seemed ready. “Greetings and salutation, humans, we are the Mixians, and you have been chosen to join our great agricultural revolution. You’re services to the Mixian empire will be invaluable, so please, enjoy our hospitality.”

    Grey stuff began to come down the tubes and enter Mike’s mouth. It tasted strange, like nothing he had ever tasted. It should have tasted foul, but it was more...fruity in flavor. It was actually quiet nice. Elisa was enjoying it. The two shrugged and let the stuff fall down their gullets. This continued for about an hour, until the hoses retracted into the ceiling.

    Elisa and mike sat on the floor, moaning and rubbing their swollen bellies.
    “Oh...god...” Mike said, “I feel like I’ve eaten a horse.”

    “I feel like I’ve eaten a house!” replied Elisa, rolling back. “Oh...I hope they don’t feed us like this every day, I’ll end up exploding.”
    “Please don’t,” Mike said, steadying himself as he got up. “Let’s have some sleep, maybe it will have gone down in the morning.”
     
  4. Apr 21, 2010 #4

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

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    Mike laid there; it had been three days since their first... Feeding and the pace had not slowed up. He had probably doubled in weight, complete with moobs, and spare tire for a bloody monster truck. Elisa was also huge, her boobs had grown, her belly now flirted with her thick upper thighs, her hips spread wide and her butt rocked whenever she walked. They were currently laying on their “Bed” and just relaxing.

    It was actually a really strange experience, being this size, as, for some reason, he never stopped feeling slightly horny. Even when he wasn’t looking at his girlfriend’s sumptuous body, he felt both a bit more confident, and a bit more...sexy? Had he become better endowed, or was it his imagination? So much was so confusing, like why the aliens kept feeding them, and getting them all nice and plump, but strangely, had not taken anyone away for processing, or whatever they do. And also, why there weren’t there any showers? Or baths, or cleaning things of any type.

    “I could murder someone for a shower,” Elisa said, “I’m sweating like a pig.”

    “Elisa...”

    “I know, I know, the way we’ve been eating, we are pretty much pigs. How am I going to fit into my clothes?”

    “We’ll get new ones. I think we have an excuse, Elisa, we’ve been abducted by aliens, and pumped up double our body weight.”

    “It’s probably more for me.”

    “What?”

    “You haven’t been weighing yourself have you? You know that little pad, just by the table, it’s a scale with a hologramatical read out. I’m about 3kg more than double my weight.” She looked up at the white ceiling, “and you know what it makes me feel?”

    “Mortified?” Mike said, trying to hide the fact that he actually found this incredibly hot.

    “Horny.”

    “Ah...” a smile broke across Mikes face, with a quick movement, he grabbed Elisa’s face and kissed her. “Fancy some?”

    “Maybe,” Elisa said. She looked over Mike shoulder. “Hey, Qui, you been listening?”

    “How did you guess?”

    “I just know. Want to join in?”

    “What?!”

    “Mike, are you seriously complaining about having a threesome?”

    “No, it’s just...” Mike let it go. Why spoil the mood now. After all, the smell of sweaty bodies pounding against each other were so erotic...

    Hang on.


    Continued in post #6
     
  5. Apr 22, 2010 #5

    fat hiker

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    Wow - a great opening scene, and then the flashback to the beginning - you've got me hooked!
     
  6. Apr 23, 2010 #6

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

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    Mike should have been asleep. He should have fallen into a sex induced snooze, having just gone at it with both Qui and Elisa for about 2 hours solid. He was sweaty beyond belief, feeling very dehydrated. But he wasn’t. Whilst he should have been focusing on... well, the business at hand, with two beautiful women there, his mind was else where, calculating his next move. He now felt like the goddamn batman. Eyes shut, head down, leg carefully placed, everything was set up. He heard them come in, he heard the shields going down, he heard the gentle patting of feet, two sets, one slightly heavier.

    “Syrlka motquwl” he heard one say... or at least he assure that was what he said, there was an authoritarian tone in his voice. “Mkilhnsp xtalko makstahen”
    “Middky zer, Middky zer,” said the other, who sounded reluctant.

    Mike then felt the strangest thing. He felt cold metal press against the skin on his back, in a sort of rectangular shape. Then there was a click and suddenly he felt the suction. He was being bloody vacuumed for his sweat. Quietly, he lay there, as the vacuum moved lower... and lower... and lower... uncomfortably lower... and extremely more uncomfortably lower... oh hello... maybe wait a little longer...

    Suddenly there was a thwack and the suction stopped. Mike opened his eyes and leapt up. Qui was standing there, having just kicked an alien half way across the room.

    “Qui, you ruined my carefully organized trap!”

    “No, you ruined my carefully organized trap,” said Elisa, “I felt like the goddamn batman if you hadn’t done anything!”

    “No, I just acted on my carefully..., oh dear.” The other alien, more bulky than the one before, rose up what looked like a weapon, and fired a pink ray of most probably certain death. Mike, desperate to redeem himself, threw himself in front of it, in what could only be described as extreme martyrdom.
     
  7. Apr 26, 2010 #7

    IrishBard

    IrishBard

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    Mike caught the blast full on in the stomach. He expected pain, he expected an explosion of fire and light and... nothing. There was just a soft tingling over it. Looking down, he saw the ray continue to pulsate into him, and nothing happening. He looked up, the wielder of the ray looking terrified at him. “eh?”

    “Jaal mkiga! Jaal Mkiga!” screamed the alien.

    Mike looked at Elisa and Qui. All three grinned. Quick as lightning, Mike ran over to the wielder of the weapon and jumped on him. 300lbs+ of human verses the tiny alien body, the fight was over within a breath, the alien lay concussed on the floor. Mike picked up the weapon and looked around.

    “What did you find?”

    “This!” Qui said, holding up a device that looked like a vacuum cleaner. “Whatever they are doing, this is vital! And also, this!” holding up a credit-card like device.

    “Ok, I’ll take that, Elisa, you were a better shot that me, so lets do this.”

    The group set off, every door they came across, they opened it, freeing those inside. Elisa shot down about six guards, picking up weapons to hand out to everyone. Mike lead the charge, picking up strange and bizarre weapons. So far, none of the shots were affecting any of them, they simply marched on like a juggernaut (and in several cases, Juggs-ernaut (author’s note: I know, it’s terrible, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t sound funnier in my head)). Soon they reached the top deck of the ship. Qui had armed herself with an alien rocket launcher, and with an almighty whompf, she blasted the door open.

    “Ok, whose in charge here!” shouted mike. The control room was huge, a huge blue sphere in the centre.

    A small figure poked his head around from it. “erm... I am K’l’d, head relations officer and...now... supreme commander of harvest ship 639.”

    “Well, K’l’d, pray that you aren’t. We’re taking over.”

    “Oh dear...”
     
  8. Apr 28, 2010 #8

    IrishBard

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    Mike looked at the giant computer, the blue sphere that controlled the ship.

    “Language register,” he said, boldly and commandingly.

    “Language, English,” The computer replied.

    “The ship's now in your control,” whimpered K’l’d, tied to his chair with energy bindings, the sixth setting the gun in mikes hand had, after kill, maim, eviscerate, mangulate and defecate. For some reasons, despite they’re advance technology these aliens were not as advanced culturally. “Could you please let me go, it’s... nothing personal but...”

    “Nothing personal,” Mike said, “When you abducted us, I expected some class, you know, drawn into the spaceship. When I watched the playback of our abduction, I was not expected for us to be simply clouted and then dragged back inside!”

    "Well, it's an ancient art," K'l'd squirmed," we want to uphold traditions as much as... og skt ma!"

    “Oh, god that feels good.” Elisa had just walked out of a cleaning cubical on the control room. Her skin glistened with water. “They should really invest in that, a shower where water comes from anywhere you want an... what’s up with china-bone, hear?”

    K’l’d was visibly shaking and weeping. “Why?”

    “What?”

    “Why did you clean yourself...all that wonderful gear....”

    “I get it.”

    Mike looked at Elisa. “You do?”

    “Why were they stealing the sweat? It’s a drug for these guys. You’re all just a bunch of junkies!”

    “I’ve been trying to go cold turkey for months, I learnt all human language, and... and...” K’l’d moaned and collapsed.

    “Weird,” Elisa said, “what have you managed to get going with...?”

    “Well, I can understand it,” Mike said, scratching his head. “And it appears that we have enough fuel to get back home. Of course, once we get back home, we will be... well, I don’t think...”

    “You like me fat don’t you?” Elisa said, smiling. “Don’t worry, I’m fine with it, and you’re pretty cute as a lard-ass yourself.”
    “Have we become hornier since we got here?” queried mike. “Last time I checked, we were on one last date before we were to go through our official unofficial separation.”

    “Maybe it’s just something to put the spark back inside it,” Elisa said, walking calmly towards mike and kissing him. “So, what now captain?”

    “I guess I’ll put the ship into auto-pilot, and after that, I guess we can only eat and have sex till then.” Mike smiled.
     
  9. Apr 30, 2010 #9

    IrishBard

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    Everyone looked at Mike. This had to be one of the strangest stories yet. Not bad, just...weird.

    “Woah...” said Jesse. “Just...woah...”

    “Agreed,” Julie said. There was a very long and strange pause. “Can we have sex now?”

    “Blimey, you’re hard up,” muttered Mike, “yeah, but first, follow me.”

    The two girls left the bar, everyone else wondering what exactly had happened. The trio walked down the street, a huge fat man followed by two skinny waifs, huddling close to him, as though he had cocaine on his nipples. They walked through back alley and finally stopped at a brick wall.

    “Erm... Julie, was this a good idea?”

    “Yeah, Jesse, It’s not like he spiked our drinks.”

    “Ok, Beam me up,”

    A light opened up in the sky, Jesse and Julie look up expectantly, hoping for this amazing journey into outer space.

    *Clonk*


    “Where are we?”

    “Well, you remember that story?”

    Jesse rubbed her head. “The one about the alien and... wait...”

    “They didn’t come for harvesting,” Mike said, smiling. Jesse and Julie looked around, the place they were sitting in looked very familiar...

    “Wha...”

    “They came on an intergalactic binge,” Mike said. “Welcome to the universes biggest and longest intergalactic party, where food is fattening, sex is fantastic, and more exotic substances than have been dreamed by man.” He pressed a button on a watch and a small screen popped up. “Qui, are we out of interplanetary laws, yet?”

    “Just about... now, Lets party!”

    “How did you...”

    “Let me tell you a story,” Mike said as two tubes dropped out of the ceiling and fixed themselves onto the two girls mouths. “You’ll like it, it’s got aliens in it.”
     
  10. Oct 28, 2010 #10

    Raider X

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    Great story!
     
  11. May 29, 2012 #11

    Shotha

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    I really liked this story. The way you describe Mike is just what I think the ideal male physique should be. Oh, to be abducted by aliens!
     

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