The Fat Man
Fat Don Draper
Sort of a rant, but I feel inspired and this is obviously the most accepting place to post something like this.. sooo..
*ahem*
I've been a part of / aware / active / lurked what have you of this community, this "sub culture" for most of my young life, and no matter how logically I thought about it I always felt at odds with myself in some weird way.. that "God, I shouldnt think this way" feeling each and every FA or feeder or what have you gets at one point or another. I've had the extreme fantasies about women growing far beyond healthy and logical proportions through some magic or other some such craziness, I've had the erotic fantasies where a woman willingly eats herself into my fattest dream girl, I've had fantasies about women forced to grow against their will.. I've dreamed of and viewed women here on the net and otherwise for years, from the biggest SSBBW to the cutest little plumper.
For a long time I never really knew how this obsession, this attraction fit into my real life, how I would ever be able to explore these fantasies.. maybe learn from them? Who knows.. I sure didn't. I was just at odds with myself. I even myself gained a little of the course of the years..
I felt lost.. I was your stereotypical lonely fat guy, 300 pounds.. always told how nice he is, how sweet he is, how cute he is.. but undatable because I'm large? Maybe I sabotaged myself.. I live in one of the fattest areas in the United States and I couldnt find a girl? It was that unease, that.. as harsh as it sounds.. that shame I guess I felt for the fantasies I had, for what aroused me. I'd walk around high school, then college and watch large women pass by.. I'd imagine how their soft bodies must look, I'd imagine them sitting eating a big meal.. God I'd even concentrate on how fat I was, how I'd have to squeeze into desks and such.. I'd make myself feel good and bad all at the same time.
As I neared the end of college I felt more and more like I'd never get it all sorted out, I'd just forever be a jumble of mixed emotions.. denying what I found beautiful for no other reason other than being effected by others and what's "normal"..
That was around two months ago. That's when I found the love of my life, we became friends, we became a couple, we became lovers.. in recent weeks I've started telling her about my fantasies, I showed here this very site and others like Plump Princess, Gaining Goddess, Big Cuties, BBW Pinups.. I threw caution to the wind.
No, she's not a gainer or feedee, she's my amazing girlfriend.. the fantasies are still there, I still check out the stories board for some craziness.. I still check out the latest from all the girls, like Ivy and the Pinups, Skye and the Big Cuties, all the others like Dreamer and Gaining Goddess. My point being.. I don't feel bad anymore, one statement from my girlfriend..
"No I don't think you're weird.. I love that you love what I am.. "
I had told someone important to me about my fantasy life and she smiled, she even thought it was cute and wanted to see more! I know the place I've lived at is a lot like a lot of young guys and even girls out there.. totally at odds with whether this is "right" or whatever..
I love big women, I love women who love food, hell I love food.. and for the first time in.. well, my entire life I'm completely contented in that fact. There's a light at the end of the tunnel fella's.. all it takes is being open and honest with yourself and whomever you choose to spend your time with. Keeping a secret is one thing.. keeping a whole side of yourself secret is another. And if this is a part of you, you have to take that risk when the oppertunity pops up, believe me.. taking that leap has changed my life forever and helped me find a love I thought I'd never get to experience.
For the first time I don't feel like an outsider or hanger on in this community, this "sub culture".. hell, it doesnt even feel like its a "sub culture" anymore, I feel whole, I feel liberated.. like an open book.
I don't know totally what the point of all this randomness was.. but I just felt like tossing some stuff down in a post and seeing if anyone else feels some of the same way. Heh, just really happy us all..
- Evan
*ahem*
I've been a part of / aware / active / lurked what have you of this community, this "sub culture" for most of my young life, and no matter how logically I thought about it I always felt at odds with myself in some weird way.. that "God, I shouldnt think this way" feeling each and every FA or feeder or what have you gets at one point or another. I've had the extreme fantasies about women growing far beyond healthy and logical proportions through some magic or other some such craziness, I've had the erotic fantasies where a woman willingly eats herself into my fattest dream girl, I've had fantasies about women forced to grow against their will.. I've dreamed of and viewed women here on the net and otherwise for years, from the biggest SSBBW to the cutest little plumper.
For a long time I never really knew how this obsession, this attraction fit into my real life, how I would ever be able to explore these fantasies.. maybe learn from them? Who knows.. I sure didn't. I was just at odds with myself. I even myself gained a little of the course of the years..
I felt lost.. I was your stereotypical lonely fat guy, 300 pounds.. always told how nice he is, how sweet he is, how cute he is.. but undatable because I'm large? Maybe I sabotaged myself.. I live in one of the fattest areas in the United States and I couldnt find a girl? It was that unease, that.. as harsh as it sounds.. that shame I guess I felt for the fantasies I had, for what aroused me. I'd walk around high school, then college and watch large women pass by.. I'd imagine how their soft bodies must look, I'd imagine them sitting eating a big meal.. God I'd even concentrate on how fat I was, how I'd have to squeeze into desks and such.. I'd make myself feel good and bad all at the same time.
As I neared the end of college I felt more and more like I'd never get it all sorted out, I'd just forever be a jumble of mixed emotions.. denying what I found beautiful for no other reason other than being effected by others and what's "normal"..
That was around two months ago. That's when I found the love of my life, we became friends, we became a couple, we became lovers.. in recent weeks I've started telling her about my fantasies, I showed here this very site and others like Plump Princess, Gaining Goddess, Big Cuties, BBW Pinups.. I threw caution to the wind.
No, she's not a gainer or feedee, she's my amazing girlfriend.. the fantasies are still there, I still check out the stories board for some craziness.. I still check out the latest from all the girls, like Ivy and the Pinups, Skye and the Big Cuties, all the others like Dreamer and Gaining Goddess. My point being.. I don't feel bad anymore, one statement from my girlfriend..
"No I don't think you're weird.. I love that you love what I am.. "
I had told someone important to me about my fantasy life and she smiled, she even thought it was cute and wanted to see more! I know the place I've lived at is a lot like a lot of young guys and even girls out there.. totally at odds with whether this is "right" or whatever..
I love big women, I love women who love food, hell I love food.. and for the first time in.. well, my entire life I'm completely contented in that fact. There's a light at the end of the tunnel fella's.. all it takes is being open and honest with yourself and whomever you choose to spend your time with. Keeping a secret is one thing.. keeping a whole side of yourself secret is another. And if this is a part of you, you have to take that risk when the oppertunity pops up, believe me.. taking that leap has changed my life forever and helped me find a love I thought I'd never get to experience.
For the first time I don't feel like an outsider or hanger on in this community, this "sub culture".. hell, it doesnt even feel like its a "sub culture" anymore, I feel whole, I feel liberated.. like an open book.
I don't know totally what the point of all this randomness was.. but I just felt like tossing some stuff down in a post and seeing if anyone else feels some of the same way. Heh, just really happy us all..
- Evan
