article - The Reason I Won't Mention My Size On Dating Apps

Discussion in 'Fat in the Media' started by fuelingfire, Aug 28, 2017.

  1. Apr 15, 2019 #41

    BigElectricKat

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    Luckily, thus far I haven't even dipped my toe in the online dating scene (unless you count here). But as this is not a dating site, I suppose it doesn't count.
     
  2. Apr 15, 2019 #42

    DragonFly

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    Not a traditional dating site but in its long distinguished history Dimensions has put together more than a few long term relationships
     
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  3. Apr 15, 2019 #43

    ScreamingChicken

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    I've done the online dating thing on POF and the experience was fine. Feabie seemed ideologically charged to me and I was not impressed.
     
  4. Apr 15, 2019 #44

    ScreamingChicken

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    Myself and @WVMountainrear are happy to continue that history .;)
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019
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  5. Apr 15, 2019 #45

    Fatcules71

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    Although I completely understand her point and respect her point of view; I spent years on dating sites looking for the woman of my dreams.

    Right or wrong it started with her size. I am an FA and have been since I first started liking girls in the second grade. I only looked for women of size because ultimately I knew that is what would make me happy. Of course, I wanted compatibility, intelligence, sense of humor and the like but it STARTED with a physical attraction.

    Honesty in her profile (and mine) was essential. I was upfront with what I was looking for and I hoped for the same in return. I have dating site horror stories too but it only made me more determined to hone my profile to be sure the person reading my profile knew exactly who I was and what I was looking for; I did not hide it or downplay anything, I was crystal clear.
     
  6. Apr 16, 2019 #46

    Shotha

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    I'm always very explicit about my size on dating sites. I get a few funny comments but nothing meant to be offensive. It seems to work fine but that may have a lot to do with me living in a country (New Zealand) with a total population of only 5 million.
     
  7. Apr 16, 2019 #47

    fuelingfire

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    I always viewed it as, online dating is just putting an ad out there for yourself. You log in every few days see who seems interested. You could use it as a time killer, in the same way most people use social media. You can be more aggressive and also search others postings. It's still the "you miss all the shots you don't take" approach.

    If you are expecting to join, and instantly meet great, nice, compatible partners, you will likely be disappointed. There are a lot of people who are train wrecks out there and they don't even know it. There are ways of finding peoples motives, and decreasing the likeliness of being catfished.

    I have met a lot of people in real life that have never online dated, but say how awful they think it is. They are then surprised to hear me defend it, but then say my points make sense. I do understand that it's not for everybody, just like going to bars, or where ever you dream person maybe hiding.
     
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  8. Apr 16, 2019 #48

    happily_married

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    A lot of women used online dating for that purpose too back when I tried it.

    Not that I am complaining.

    :cool:
     
  9. Apr 19, 2019 at 2:12 AM #49

    extra_m13

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    i read the first post and nothing else and i think i can add something. if not then well, i tried. but i do think it is an issue to write about. because as an FA, it does generate extra interest if i know before hand that a lady is let's say, 350 pounds, it's like oh my, i am totally into her but reality is that relationships require a lot more than that and at the end you need to be able to have nice conversations and chemistry and personalities that are compatible and that is totally apart from her curves or weight, and that applies both over 350 pounds and under the 200 mark, having a successful relationship is not easy, period
     
  10. Apr 19, 2019 at 5:03 AM #50

    Shotha

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    One of the reasons that I give my weight both in numbers and with a photo that shows how I look in body and face is that it's honest. I believe that here honesty is the best policy. I see fat friends find a date online and the girl or boy that they meet isn't interested because the person in the profile isn't the same as the person on the date. Both parties end up being disappointed. I try to explain to these friends that in hiding the fact that they're fat means that they're getting replies from people who want a slim partner. If they were honest about their appearance they would attract people, who liked them just as they are. In being honest, I avoid all of this disappointment for myself and for my dates. I'm not subjected to constant rejections because I'm fat. So, if a did doesn't work out, it's because we don't have the same interests or it's because of some other body feature, but it's never because I'm too fat for them. That's how I see it and I think that I'm all the happier for it.
     
  11. Apr 19, 2019 at 3:56 PM #51

    LarryTheNoodleGuy

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    I once met someone from Match.com who used a much younger, thinner photo of herself in her profile, I'm talking about 10 years. I didn't mind (of course) that she was a lot larger, but I did mind the dishonesty. There is a great deal of difference not only physically, but emotionally, etc, between someone who is 24 and who is 34. My two cents.
     
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  12. Apr 19, 2019 at 9:47 PM #52

    TwoSwords

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    There are a lot of replies on this thread that I love, but this one strikes close to home for me. The issue I have with people who have this attitude is their assumption that because I like how they look, I must be a shallow, horrible person, or at the very least, that there must be something wrong with me for disagreeing with public opinion. I can't feel any significant attraction to a thin person, and it's not easy for me to stay angry with someone who's fat, but that doesn't make me shallow, nor does it mean that a fat body is all I'm looking for. It's only one of several qualities that I think are important/necessary.

    Also, attachment to the physical qualities of one's partner is not exclusive to either FAs (many, many men look for hips or legs of certain shapes/types,) or even men in general (lots of women just aren't into men who are shorter than they are, for instance.) That she defends her right to her own standards, while demonizing the standards of others also paints her in a poor light.

    Plus, in the article, there seems to be an unspoken assumption that any man who likes your interests should be able to feel attraction to you, regardless of how you look, and I'm convinced that almost no men (or women, for that matter,) are like that. It's unrealistic to expect this of anyone. I think, if anything, failing to accurately describe what your date is in for will only make him angrier for having been strung along. That can waste the precious time of both men and women.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019 at 9:53 PM
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