Could this man like me? Should I pursue him?

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cabhm330

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Joined
Sep 28, 2020
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2
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Hey guys, I been a long time lurker on these boards, but never felt the need to post anything. Now I need a place where I can ask for advice without judgement on my size. This was the first place I thought of. All the people in my life are not plus sized and just don’t truly understand.

I am female, 34 and divorced. I’m a BBW about 350 pounds. I have typically always been a very self confident woman, but have struggled a bit recently. I try not to come off as arrogant but I do think I am a very attractive woman. My apperance has always meant a lot to me, and I always pay very close attention to my grooming. Just for example of what I look like, My body type/size and height is very similar to model Tess Holliday. I have always been very into beauty and have been taught makeup, hair, and how to dress. I have long blonde hair down to the middle of my back which is well taken care of. I go to a salon regularly. I have very clear porcelain skin and know how to apply makeup well. I also get eyelashes extensions done regularly. I have a nice smile and white teeth. I also dress very stylish and flattering. All being said, I have been crushing hard on a man I work with for two years now. For the first time in my life I feel inadequate to pursue him. I don’t understand why I feel this way. While this man is sexy, and a lot of women consider him to be, he’s not really a conventionally attractive man. He is a shorter guy like 5’7 but he is really only slightly chunky, probably not much over 200 pounds which is obviously much smaller than me. He has a long beard and tattoos but his features are softer and a little more feminine. He is not a super self confident guy due to being hurt by an ex and often uses self depreciating humor to make others laugh.I am just trying to understand if I am aiming to far above the bar here. Is this guy possibly out of my league? I don’t want to pursue someone I realistically have no chance with. Are guys like that generally into BBW or is every man just different? I assume there is no way to tell without asking. I haven’t been with anyone since my ex and we were together a long time, so it’s obvious I haven’t dated in a while.

that being said, we have become somewhat close but We aren’t friends outside of work or text or hang out. We are the same age and have a lot in common. I have always felt there was a chemistry or sexual tension between us. I Even thought I felt it back when we fist started working together and I was still married. Or I could just be making the sexual tension up in my head cause I want it to be there.We kind of do different jobs at work, so our paths don’t cross as often as I’d like. I do feel he makes very obviously lame excuses to come see me in my office sometimes. We make eye contact with each other. We have both been caught staring and looking away. I feel like when we are in groups he tends to stand closer to me and his voice seems softer when talking to me over other people. Sometimes our conversations are awkward cause I know I am nervous. Sometimes I swear he blushes during awkward conversations at times. He sometimes stumbles over words when talking to me and says bizzare things that make no sense, I also assume out of nervousness. He compliments me a lot. He’s said I look lovely, and compliments me on what I wear. He has told me he likes that I have sense of style, and that I rock my wardrobe. He does sweet little gestures, like last winter he cleaned snow off my car for me, held my hand across the parking lot so I didn’t fall on ice. He also gave me a Christmas card that felt a little personal/sentimental considering I didn’t really know him well at that point last year. No one has ever pointed out sexual chemistry between us but we don’t interact together with other coworkers a lot. However, a client mistakenly believed us to be married. When I told him this,he was flattered, and said I should have just went along with it to the client. This led to us joking around about marrying each other. I feel like he has paid special attention to his appearance at work recently. He recently got real nice haircut and cut his normally long beard short. He also has been wearing lots of nice new shirts and ties which he doesn’t normally wear, and good smelling cologne. We have a had somewhat intimate conversations confiding in each other regarding troubles in our past relationships. He has been single for quite a few years now and has been looking for a girlfriend. Does it sound like this man is interested in me? Or does it sound like this is merely a friendship of sorts? Should I take a leap and pursue something with him or am I over my head? Would he have asked me out already if he was interested?
 

Tad

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Nobody really knows the answers to your questions because people are all so different, but I'll give thoughts to a few things:

"Are guys like that generally into BBW or is every man just different? "
Every guy is different. There are bodybuilders into BBW, and fat guys into BBW, and short guys and thin guys and tall lanky guys and guys built like grizzly bears and.... well you get the picture. But the good news is that you don't have to worry about "guys like that" and how they view all BBW, just about this guy and how he sees you. And this guy seems to at the very least appreciate what you have going on.

"Does it sound like this man is interested in me?" I'd say that to at least some degree yes. Whether it is more abstract or something he's thinking of pursuing I don't know.

"Or does it sound like this is merely a friendship of sorts?" A friendship with some flirting is one way that his interest could play out, sure. I don't think we have enough evidence to know, though.

"Should I take a leap and pursue something with him" You do risk getting hurt and of making things more weird with him, but also 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' I'd think maybe you can hint at things without playing all of your cards, and see how he responds, if you want to reduce the risk of hurt/awkwardness, but don't be too subtle or he may miss the hint.

"or am I over my head?" Definitely not this. A) "out of my league" doesn't exist, there are no leagues, only people. And B) this person has clearly indicated that he sees you as a person he respects and can see as attractive.

"Would he have asked me out already if he was interested? " Probably not. Seriously. You work at the same company, and he may be worried about dating within the company. He first knew you when you were in a relationship and then when you were recently seperated, and may be classy enough to not push you at either of those times. You sound like an accomplished and polished woman and he may well have felt that you are out of his league. Any, or more likely some of all, of those could keep him from asking you out..

So what to do? I'd think there are three basics to do, which might make things happen on their own, but even if they don't they are still things you need to do here.
1) Make it clear that you are interested in dating. This could be a casual sort of remark, like if he asks about your weekend reply something like "I've been thinking I should really start dating again, but I'm a bit scared, so I spent the weekend reading about dating in 2021. Why do people have to make it so complicated?"
2) If you don't normally put it so directly, make it clear that you consider him to be an attractive man (and have noticed and appreciate his recent style upgrades). Something like "I love that shirt on you. At this point why you are not getting propositioned while walking down the street I don't know, you are such a package."
3) Give him non-work openings. This may be the hardest, but it could start with something like "I made a plate of Christmas cookies to give you, but I forget them in my car. When are leaving the office today, I was wondering if we could meet at my car and I'll give them to you." It is still work-adjacent, but the actual conversation is not in the building so can veer into areas he might not be comfortable talking about while actually at work. Or find an excuse to send or get sent a text. Like if he apologizes for not having anything for you just laugh and say he doesn't need to ... but if he gets baking and wants to give you something over the holidays text you because you won't be checking your work email regularly (at which point it will come up that he doesn't have your phone number, if that is the case, and you give it to him).

All of that gives him a green light and an opportunity. Maybe that is all it takes, but if he's not all that confident it may not be enough. Still, I'd start with that to up the level of connection, and if still nothing you can consider a more direct approach. (FWIW I explained away about a couple of dozen hints from my wife that I should ask her out, until she finally just put her arm around me at a party and kept it there, and I didn't take it away, and we ended up making out on a park bench, and the next day decided to officially date and see what happened, and we've been together ever since. So I know how oblivious it is possible to be)

edit to add: the Reddit sub /plussize (reddit.com/r/plussize) often has pretty good discussions about plus sized dating, you could try posting there to get more responses.
 

cabhm330

New Member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
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Location
United States
Nobody really knows the answers to your questions because people are all so different, but I'll give thoughts to a few things:

"Are guys like that generally into BBW or is every man just different? "
Every guy is different. There are bodybuilders into BBW, and fat guys into BBW, and short guys and thin guys and tall lanky guys and guys built like grizzly bears and.... well you get the picture. But the good news is that you don't have to worry about "guys like that" and how they view all BBW, just about this guy and how he sees you. And this guy seems to at the very least appreciate what you have going on.

"Does it sound like this man is interested in me?" I'd say that to at least some degree yes. Whether it is more abstract or something he's thinking of pursuing I don't know.

"Or does it sound like this is merely a friendship of sorts?" A friendship with some flirting is one way that his interest could play out, sure. I don't think we have enough evidence to know, though.

"Should I take a leap and pursue something with him" You do risk getting hurt and of making things more weird with him, but also 'nothing ventured, nothing gained.' I'd think maybe you can hint at things without playing all of your cards, and see how he responds, if you want to reduce the risk of hurt/awkwardness, but don't be too subtle or he may miss the hint.

"or am I over my head?" Definitely not this. A) "out of my league" doesn't exist, there are no leagues, only people. And B) this person has clearly indicated that he sees you as a person he respects and can see as attractive.

"Would he have asked me out already if he was interested? " Probably not. Seriously. You work at the same company, and he may be worried about dating within the company. He first knew you when you were in a relationship and then when you were recently seperated, and may be classy enough to not push you at either of those times. You sound like an accomplished and polished woman and he may well have felt that you are out of his league. Any, or more likely some of all, of those could keep him from asking you out..

So what to do? I'd think there are three basics to do, which might make things happen on their own, but even if they don't they are still things you need to do here.
1) Make it clear that you are interested in dating. This could be a casual sort of remark, like if he asks about your weekend reply something like "I've been thinking I should really start dating again, but I'm a bit scared, so I spent the weekend reading about dating in 2021. Why do people have to make it so complicated?"
2) If you don't normally put it so directly, make it clear that you consider him to be an attractive man (and have noticed and appreciate his recent style upgrades). Something like "I love that shirt on you. At this point why you are not getting propositioned while walking down the street I don't know, you are such a package."
3) Give him non-work openings. This may be the hardest, but it could start with something like "I made a plate of Christmas cookies to give you, but I forget them in my car. When are leaving the office today, I was wondering if we could meet at my car and I'll give them to you." It is still work-adjacent, but the actual conversation is not in the building so can veer into areas he might not be comfortable talking about while actually at work. Or find an excuse to send or get sent a text. Like if he apologizes for not having anything for you just laugh and say he doesn't need to ... but if he gets baking and wants to give you something over the holidays text you because you won't be checking your work email regularly (at which point it will come up that he doesn't have your phone number, if that is the case, and you give it to him).

All of that gives him a green light and an opportunity. Maybe that is all it takes, but if he's not all that confident it may not be enough. Still, I'd start with that to up the level of connection, and if still nothing you can consider a more direct approach. (FWIW I explained away about a couple of dozen hints from my wife that I should ask her out, until she finally just put her arm around me at a party and kept it there, and I didn't take it away, and we ended up making out on a park bench, and the next day decided to officially date and see what happened, and we've been together ever since. So I know how oblivious it is possible to be)

edit to add: the Reddit sub /plussize (reddit.com/r/plussize) often has pretty good discussions about plus sized dating, you could try posting there to get more responses.

this was exactly the answer I was looking for. You’re a genius to suggest number 3, as it just might work. I am actually a fantastic baker and I have made him baked goods a few times. He has really enjoyed them. Maybe he will enjoy my other “goods”. Thanks for your guidance/suggestions. You were very helpful.
 

Am Jim

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I’ll get right to the point. You have spent two years of your life not knowing if this guy is going to be interested in you or not. Those two years are gone and you’ll never get them back. Make a move. Not exactly what it should be but get the process going. If it doesn’t work out then move on. You sound like a super attractive woman. If this guy isn’t interested in a romantic relationship then move on because I’m sure you’ll have no problems finding someone else. Just remember it’s your life and not his.
 

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