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Depression and me

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bexy

is red again <3
Joined
Sep 24, 2007
Messages
4,830
Location
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Apologies if there are other posts about depression but i felt i didnt want to hijack anyone elses posts with my own story.

recently ive been feeling like crap. i can read the signs that if i dont do something soon i will have a big "episode" , ive had 3-4 of these in the past and they have always resulted in unpleasantness, being hospitalised and having to give up my job for example.

i have been on anti depressants for 10 years. i feel very alone in this. every tale i hear or read about anti depressants, it seems ppl are only on them for a short while. i have never been without them since i was 15. atm i am on mirtazipine. i know they have reached a plateau and are no longer working, ive been on them for 2 years. i also know that they are often given to increase appetite and here my doctor was wondering why i had put on weight.

i have an appointment this fri and i want to ask for my meds to be changed. i also want to ask to see my pyschiatrist again. i just really hope he listens to me.

atm i am really struggling. my panic attacks have come back and i went 16 months without having one. in those 16 months i broke up with my ex and met my lovely new bf. he had never seen me have a panic attack until recently and was very loving but i feel guilty on him as i feel its all too much for him to handle. i feel as if ive ruined his life in a lot of ways, he is always short of money now as we live together and have a house to run, previously he lived with his rents for free. so not only is he skint he has to cope with my depression.
i have held back to an extent, as much as i can anyways, as i am so scared of showing him me at my lowest. however i know that if and when i change my meds i will be feeling really bad for a while, and over the xmas period too, and im tryin to explain to him what it will be like without me sounding crazy.

im not even sure why i am posting. i am just a little fed up. i just wondered if there was anyone else here who had experienced panic attacks, experienced a very long time on anti depressants, had any recommendations for the type of medicine i could suggest to my doctor, or any experience explaining their depression to a loved one.

dont get me wrong i am a very bubbly girl and i do try my hardest, but a culmination of a bad childhood and lack of family does get to me sometimes. and i guess thats one of these times now.

sorry to moan just wanted to vent ppl.

thank u

xo bexy ox
 

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