CrankySpice
Unwashed.
I'm fat, I love being fat, I love looking at my fat body, and I love having my fat body admired. I even, in a twisted way, enjoy having my fat body viewed critically because my gut reaction is a bit of an internal snicker along with a "neener-neener, I know something you don't know". But I digress.
I also like being healthy, and try to make sure I'm getting enough fiber, enough vitamins & minerals, and appropriate exercise. To that end, I try to take a daily walk at work, and usually walk with a co-worker I am friendly with and who is also aware of my involvement in size acceptance and my own positive views about my size.
So today on our walk, she says to me, "you look like you've lost weight." And I say, "Do you think it's just what I'm wearing today?" and she says, "No, I've noticed it the past couple of days, but today the most."
Which set me into a dead panic! I mean a deep, bone-chilling panic because for a woman of my size (last weigh-in at the doctor's office, I was just shy of 370 lbs) it takes a significant change in weight (I'd say at least 20 lbs, at least) to "look" like I've lost weight. And I know I have been losing weight because when I'm stressed out and/or excessively busy, I don't eat as much as I normally would. I've outgrown my scale at home, so I can't confirm the observation.
I know I'm not alone in this, and although I can outwardly see the humor in my response (because it is so unusual in "the real world"), I have to say that my panic/anxiety is genuine, even though I occasionally do try to lose a few pounds intentionally (usually when I experience joint or foot pain), because right now I'm particularly fat-happy and really really don't wanna lose any right now.
I also like being healthy, and try to make sure I'm getting enough fiber, enough vitamins & minerals, and appropriate exercise. To that end, I try to take a daily walk at work, and usually walk with a co-worker I am friendly with and who is also aware of my involvement in size acceptance and my own positive views about my size.
So today on our walk, she says to me, "you look like you've lost weight." And I say, "Do you think it's just what I'm wearing today?" and she says, "No, I've noticed it the past couple of days, but today the most."
Which set me into a dead panic! I mean a deep, bone-chilling panic because for a woman of my size (last weigh-in at the doctor's office, I was just shy of 370 lbs) it takes a significant change in weight (I'd say at least 20 lbs, at least) to "look" like I've lost weight. And I know I have been losing weight because when I'm stressed out and/or excessively busy, I don't eat as much as I normally would. I've outgrown my scale at home, so I can't confirm the observation.
I know I'm not alone in this, and although I can outwardly see the humor in my response (because it is so unusual in "the real world"), I have to say that my panic/anxiety is genuine, even though I occasionally do try to lose a few pounds intentionally (usually when I experience joint or foot pain), because right now I'm particularly fat-happy and really really don't wanna lose any right now.
