So while cruising around the boards here, I saw several posts that described various experiences dealing with others telling you you're fat. As if you weren't aware no less. Though, I could not find a thread relating exactly to the story I will tell in the following paragraphs. So welcome to my first thread.
My job has taken me to Asia on extended business trips twice since 2006. The first time I went, in July 2006, I was 23 and a size 34. This was shortly after my divorce and was supposed to be a six week trip. I know, you're wondering why this is important, but hear me out.
As you may very well know, India is a country known to have very small people. And as such, everything is about 2 sizes smaller than here in the USA. There are so many people crammed into such a small area that I felt like Andre the Giant. It was very disturbing the way people stared. I mean, here is a 5'10", white, blue eyed BBW in the land of the lilliputs. They stared because I'm big, because I'm white...hell, I think they just stared out of sheer boredom. When I first got there I had a very tough time adjusting to the culture and the stares, but I was also extremely ill with dysentery for awhile. The long of the short of it is, my trip was extended to 4 months instead of 6 weeks. Over the time I was there, I came to understand that BBWS are highly appreciated as it is a sign of wealth and fertility. I left India a different person, both mentally and physically.
In 2007, I was asked to return for a further 3 months over the holiday season. I accepted, though hesitant, as international business is my forte. This time, I was about 60 pounds lighter and much more confident after having met a great boyfriend not long after my first trip. Though, upon my arrival, all the old feelings of being inadequate, unattractive and too fat came back. The first 4 weeks of the trip were hell on Earth. The lowest point was when one of my associates messaged me on MSN and asked if we could have girl talk. Normally, this is not client/vendor relationship (I am the client in this case) however, my company has always had a unique relationship with this vendor, of which I have always been a part. The conversation consisted of her telling me that I have looks a woman would kill for, but, that she wanted to see me looking like Barbie. TRANSLATION: YOU ARE TOO FAT!
At first, I wasn't sure how to react. I was already on an emotional low and this was just a kick while I was down. I responded to her, finally, that she shouldn't presume to understand something she has no prior knowledge about. I informed her that I was happy with the progress I had made and that my doctor, a trained professional, and I had worked out a successful plan to control my diabetes. Now, one would think this would suffice as a reply, but how wrong I was. She continued nipping, telling me that there was a treadmill in the office I could use, and that I am so gorgeous, I just need to lose weight. I explained to her that my physical condition has nothing to do with my beauty and that I am very much an adult capable of taking care of myself. Had I been up to par emotionally, I probably would've been much more curt and unforgiving.
She avoided me afterward, which, I have to admit was in her best interest. However, the ultimate revenge came when I wore the black saree (as in the photo I posted recently) to the office. My body actually filled the saree in and I looked pretty. I received several compliments and the upper management relayed to me compliments of "your client is so beautiful in saree".
She happened to be around and while the tempation to turn to her and say "I guess Barbie lost" was great, I refrained. I just smiled while she avoided my eye contact.
So, there's two issues here.
1. It's very presumptuous of her to offer me nutritional/lifestyle advice. Of course, I understand different cultures behave different ways, but I don't think that should be acceptable in any culture, ever.
2. As my vendor, she was exceptionally out of line. But, that is another issue entirely.
So the questions I pose are this:
Has this ever happened to you?
How did you deal with it?
My job has taken me to Asia on extended business trips twice since 2006. The first time I went, in July 2006, I was 23 and a size 34. This was shortly after my divorce and was supposed to be a six week trip. I know, you're wondering why this is important, but hear me out.
As you may very well know, India is a country known to have very small people. And as such, everything is about 2 sizes smaller than here in the USA. There are so many people crammed into such a small area that I felt like Andre the Giant. It was very disturbing the way people stared. I mean, here is a 5'10", white, blue eyed BBW in the land of the lilliputs. They stared because I'm big, because I'm white...hell, I think they just stared out of sheer boredom. When I first got there I had a very tough time adjusting to the culture and the stares, but I was also extremely ill with dysentery for awhile. The long of the short of it is, my trip was extended to 4 months instead of 6 weeks. Over the time I was there, I came to understand that BBWS are highly appreciated as it is a sign of wealth and fertility. I left India a different person, both mentally and physically.
In 2007, I was asked to return for a further 3 months over the holiday season. I accepted, though hesitant, as international business is my forte. This time, I was about 60 pounds lighter and much more confident after having met a great boyfriend not long after my first trip. Though, upon my arrival, all the old feelings of being inadequate, unattractive and too fat came back. The first 4 weeks of the trip were hell on Earth. The lowest point was when one of my associates messaged me on MSN and asked if we could have girl talk. Normally, this is not client/vendor relationship (I am the client in this case) however, my company has always had a unique relationship with this vendor, of which I have always been a part. The conversation consisted of her telling me that I have looks a woman would kill for, but, that she wanted to see me looking like Barbie. TRANSLATION: YOU ARE TOO FAT!
At first, I wasn't sure how to react. I was already on an emotional low and this was just a kick while I was down. I responded to her, finally, that she shouldn't presume to understand something she has no prior knowledge about. I informed her that I was happy with the progress I had made and that my doctor, a trained professional, and I had worked out a successful plan to control my diabetes. Now, one would think this would suffice as a reply, but how wrong I was. She continued nipping, telling me that there was a treadmill in the office I could use, and that I am so gorgeous, I just need to lose weight. I explained to her that my physical condition has nothing to do with my beauty and that I am very much an adult capable of taking care of myself. Had I been up to par emotionally, I probably would've been much more curt and unforgiving.
She avoided me afterward, which, I have to admit was in her best interest. However, the ultimate revenge came when I wore the black saree (as in the photo I posted recently) to the office. My body actually filled the saree in and I looked pretty. I received several compliments and the upper management relayed to me compliments of "your client is so beautiful in saree".
She happened to be around and while the tempation to turn to her and say "I guess Barbie lost" was great, I refrained. I just smiled while she avoided my eye contact.
So, there's two issues here.
1. It's very presumptuous of her to offer me nutritional/lifestyle advice. Of course, I understand different cultures behave different ways, but I don't think that should be acceptable in any culture, ever.
2. As my vendor, she was exceptionally out of line. But, that is another issue entirely.
So the questions I pose are this:
Has this ever happened to you?
How did you deal with it?
