altered states
señor member
I wonder how other FAs feel when they lose weight.... Right now I'm about as thin as I've been in my adult life, due to a combination of overwork, stress, and some effort on my part. I have to admit, I like it. Short-lived as it may turn out to be, I like my clothes being loose, and seeing a svelter reflection in store windows, and frankly, I feel sexier (that is, as sexy as a man who looks like Dave Atell crossed with Khalid Sheik Mohammed can be).
Thing is, my partner, who has yo-yo'd between buff and chubby since I've known her, is now as fat as she's ever been and doesn't seem to be making much effort to lose weight. She's not overly thrilled with her size, but otherwise doesn't seem depressed or unhappy, just sort of taking it for what it is. She's well-aware of my FAness, but long ago I stopped pressuring her to gain, both overtly and passively in any way. Still, like most men (FAs or not) I don't really hide my feelings very well when it comes to what turns me on, and so perhaps I've been a bit more amorous lately. Alright, I've been a lot more amorous lately.
So here's my dilemma: While she doesn't seem to blame me for her new curves, or begrudge me my angles, I feel like a raving hypocrite lavishing attention on her bigger body while I'm reveling in my smaller one. Does this make sense? I realize men and women get off on different things blah blah blah but inside me is a huge amount of guilt that I can't accept myself the way I want her to accept herself. Also some shame that as a 36 year old, somewhat-accomplished person I should give a shit how fat I am at all.
....On a side note (and though related maybe this is a whole different post), I fucking HATE people complimenting me on losing weight. I'm talking friends, relatives, clients, near-strangers, people in general who have no business talking about my body in any way. I'd like to think I'm some size-acceptance maven who doesn't like it for political reasons, but I'm not, and that's not it. I think what angers me most is the idea that somehow these people were waiting for Tres 2.0 to come out, like version 1 wasn't really good enough. In some cases I've taken the compliments badly, shutting people up by telling them I have AIDS or am getting off heroin or something (except the clients, whom I thank generously), hoping they get the message that this is not acceptable conversation fodder. I realize they're well-meaning, and that most other people accept such compliments gracefully, but I'm really bugged by it. I'm one angry-ass not-so-fat dude.
Thing is, my partner, who has yo-yo'd between buff and chubby since I've known her, is now as fat as she's ever been and doesn't seem to be making much effort to lose weight. She's not overly thrilled with her size, but otherwise doesn't seem depressed or unhappy, just sort of taking it for what it is. She's well-aware of my FAness, but long ago I stopped pressuring her to gain, both overtly and passively in any way. Still, like most men (FAs or not) I don't really hide my feelings very well when it comes to what turns me on, and so perhaps I've been a bit more amorous lately. Alright, I've been a lot more amorous lately.
So here's my dilemma: While she doesn't seem to blame me for her new curves, or begrudge me my angles, I feel like a raving hypocrite lavishing attention on her bigger body while I'm reveling in my smaller one. Does this make sense? I realize men and women get off on different things blah blah blah but inside me is a huge amount of guilt that I can't accept myself the way I want her to accept herself. Also some shame that as a 36 year old, somewhat-accomplished person I should give a shit how fat I am at all.
....On a side note (and though related maybe this is a whole different post), I fucking HATE people complimenting me on losing weight. I'm talking friends, relatives, clients, near-strangers, people in general who have no business talking about my body in any way. I'd like to think I'm some size-acceptance maven who doesn't like it for political reasons, but I'm not, and that's not it. I think what angers me most is the idea that somehow these people were waiting for Tres 2.0 to come out, like version 1 wasn't really good enough. In some cases I've taken the compliments badly, shutting people up by telling them I have AIDS or am getting off heroin or something (except the clients, whom I thank generously), hoping they get the message that this is not acceptable conversation fodder. I realize they're well-meaning, and that most other people accept such compliments gracefully, but I'm really bugged by it. I'm one angry-ass not-so-fat dude.
