FA peerdom as a part of the FA experience

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by James, Apr 7, 2009.

  1. Aug 14, 2019 #21

    Broseph

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    I'm pretty new to DIMs and have been looking through old posts, hence the response to this ol' thread. I find this one great and totally true of my experience.

    I've never had any FA friends and man would I have loved it, especially as a teenager. As others have mentioned--I felt like I was the only one out there into fat girls. I think there are some FA specific issues that non-FAs have a hard time relating to, even if they are good, supportive friends who aren't disgusted by what I like. For me, it would have been great to have had an FA uncle or friend, etc., who was already out and could give tips or just lend an ear.
     
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  2. Aug 16, 2019 #22

    happily_married

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    This is an interesting thread and kudos to you @Broseph for finding it and breathing new life into it. I see it’s a good 10 years old and I’d be curious the ages and relationship statuses of the guys who posted in this thread when it was new.

    The reason I wonder that is I don’t share at all the need for FA friends. I mean I have a few here with whom I correspond from time to time, but I do not have any close personal friends who are FAs and I hadn’t thought about it at all until reading the early posts in this thread.

    Now maybe that’s my demographic data: I’m 39 and have been married a while now. And the friends I have a re largely a result of my wife’s friendships. When I say say friends, I mean people I willingly choose to be around in my off time. I get along well with colleagues and sometimes we hang out, but it’s not quite the same as the friendship I have with people I meet because of my wife.

    At no point have I ever lamented not having friends who liked what I like. And thinking back, while it was awkward “coming out” as an FA, I don’t ever recall wishing for a few FA friends. I do remember worrying about what people would think, but I didn’t take it so far as to wish some of my friends were also FAs (a term I wasn’t even familiar with at the time).

    Interesting topic.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
  3. Aug 24, 2019 #23

    Blockierer

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    I agree with happily_married.
    I think for men who are into fat women it's important to realise that there exist a lot men with the same preference.
    That's the reason I like the term Fat Admirer. At 17 it was the first time I read this term (some NAAFA stuff in newspaper), so I could identify with it.
     
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  4. Aug 25, 2019 #24

    Shotha

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    I can't say that I've ever lamented not having friends, who shared the same amorous tastes as me. However, when you start looking for a partner, you tend to meet other FA's. When I met my first other FA gay man, we instantly became friends and it was so nice to be able to say things like "I love John Candy" and get a reply like "So do I." I think it's hard to know what such camaraderie is like until you find it, but when you find it it's one of the most wonderful experiences in the world.
     
  5. Aug 26, 2019 #25

    Emmy

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    i have really never thought about this.. being on the chunky girl side of it! Howeverrr.. its a really good point you bring up! I cant imagine how out of place or different you guys must feel for liking someone ..outside the sports illustrated box. AND the teasing ><...... Once upon a time :p I was dating this kid [waiting for him outside his house] .. he got out of his friends car and shared with me "my friends want to know why im into chubby white girls..but i think they must of seen you from the side" no no, theres no perception issue here..im chunky! It would of been nice for him to just admit that he does like that about me! Then i think about the teasing though.. bleh
     
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  6. Aug 26, 2019 #26

    Shotha

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    James, I just read your article again and have more thoughts about it. This is a topic that I often think about.

    Lack of FA peers has quite serious social effects. As we find peers, who share our taste, we start to realize that we are not freaks and we feel more confident about being open about what we desire in a partner. Finding peers almost certainly helps FA's and FFA's to lead happy, fulfilling and self-confident lives. It also means that more fat people can enjoy sex, love and romance. When we liberate ourselves from the fear of what other people think of us, we liberate others at the same time.

    As a gay man, I have long been concerned about the plight of women, who find themselves in marriages with gay men, who have married a women, because they are too scared to come out of the closet. It occurs to me that that must also be slim women, who are married to FA men, who long for a beautiful fat woman. Both of these groups of women are deprived of the right to know what it truly means to be loved. Of course, there are many permutations of these unfortunate scenarios. It demonstrates how important it is to live as the people that we truly are. If we don't, we make a mess of other people's lives as well as our own.

    I believe that we have an ethical responsibility to live as we truly are. I just hope that arguments such as these help to give people the confidence to live as they want to.
     
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  7. Aug 26, 2019 #27

    Tad

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    I think anyone, but perhaps especially young men, can extrapolate too far from too little data, and proceed to believe their own bullshit. Peer groups can occasionally exasperate this, but for the most part they can help prevent some of the dumbest. Basically peers help call us on our BS, offer slightly different vantage points, provide some perspective that we haven't gained yet, etc.

    Basically I think having an FA Peterson be accessible is apt to make life better for fat people, as well as saving FA some lost pride and dignity.
     
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  8. Aug 27, 2019 #28

    Shotha

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    Formal peer groups provide some extra advantages. For example, a formal FA group would be able to organize events for themselves and fat people. But if you're going to go to the trouble of organizing a group for FA's, you may as well organize one for FA's and fat people. In the 1990's I organized such a group call the Cubs and Chasers Club of New Zealand (usually abbreviated to CCC). It was for fat gay men and their admirers. It was based on American models but adapted for New Zealand conditions. There are plenty of online groups like this for gay men, which work very well. These days it would be much easier to set up a local group for straight FA's and fat people, because all of the communication could be done through a Facebook group. And that is a possibility, which is well worth exploring.
     
  9. Aug 28, 2019 #29

    Broseph

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    Thanks for your note. It's funny--I always thought society was so shitty toward big girls (and guys, of course) that I felt like a dick for being embarrassed about my FAness--as if my own insecurity was somehow not big enough to warrant my attention or discussion. Another reason FA peerdom is a great idea!
     
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  10. Aug 29, 2019 #30

    Shotha

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    One of the arguments that I've often used, when people make negative comments about my FA-ness, is that fat people are human beings with the same needs and feelings as everyone else. Those needs include sex, love and romance.
     
  11. Aug 30, 2019 #31

    DragonFly

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    My sweet man was a FA to the bone, he had one friend that would come into town and they would have a big deli lunch and go big lady watching at the train station. They compared notes on living with a SSBBW and he really liked the camaraderie.

    The only other time that he interacted with other FAs was when the big women attended events and we all drug our spouses along. I know he had some laughs and there were lots of eye rolls about SSBBWs wanting to be cool, taking up the whole bed and other things only they could experience.

    I would seriously suggest that the FA people that are talking about needing a support structure, to take it upon yourself to make it happen. You don’t have to be best buds but the married old-timers could really offer some help. I wish my guy was still around to share his adventures and misadventure with getting comfortable living with me! Would certainly help others.
     
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  12. Aug 30, 2019 #32

    Shotha

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    I totally agree. My best friend and I used to pore over all the listings of Chubs and Chasers Clubs and Girth and Mirth Clubs, wishing that we could have one. We finally realize that we had to do it. So, we organized an inaugural meeting and it was a wonderful experience for all of us. It doesn't take much effort, especially these days.
     
  13. Aug 30, 2019 #33

    happily_married

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    So true. I wonder how we ever organized anything before social media.
     
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  14. Aug 31, 2019 #34

    Shotha

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    We had to print out newsletters and envelopes, do envelop stuffing, put stamps on the envelops and take them all down to the post office.
     
  15. Sep 13, 2019 #35

    LifelongFA

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    Everything in the pre-internet days was word of mouth, newsletters, snail-mail, newspapers, magazines.....gosh, even writing this makes me feel old, but the reality is we couldn't just google it the way one can today. It was a journey of sorts to wade through the occasional newspaper article that made references to the BBW world that eventually lead me over the course of 2-3 years to Dimensions Magazine print edition around 1990. The magazine, of course, was a game changer for me and led me into the entire "scene" of bashes, conventions, etc. What an exciting time it was! While I know in today's world it only takes a swipe to meet singles, I think everyone should have had the opportunity to go to a party with 200-300 large folks and their admirers like I was able to back in the day. Good times and worth every hour of searching to find the treasure!
     
  16. Sep 13, 2019 #36

    Shotha

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    It's easy to just look at the bad side of old times, like thinking you're the only, all of the hard work to get anything done, the difficulty in finding partners and like-minded friends. However, there was a great deal to be enjoyed in the older days, too. We used to meet real people rather than virtual people. Potentially good friends can be dismissed these days with a single keystroke, whereas in the pre-Internet era we met people face to face and made more friends. It's hard to find the camaraderie that we had in the old days. We used to stand by each other more than we do today. Our little chubs and chasers gatherings in Auckland NZ could only must 2 dozen people at the most but we still enjoyed a tremendous sense of belonging. It's that feeling of community, belonging and togetherness, which FA peerdom offers.
     
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