Quantcast

Fat chicks: a magnet for creeps?

Dimensions Magazine

Help Support Dimensions Magazine:

olwen

Disco Bear
Joined
Feb 22, 2008
Messages
6,945
Location
,
I wonder what his $ecret i$? Seriously, all the posters who point out that tastes differ are absolutely right, BUT this does not negate the basic truth of kioewen's post. We react positively to people we find attractive, negatively to those we find unattractive, and the vast majority of people follow convention in deciding whom they find attractive. (This is why Dimensions exists, after all) So, in approaching a total stranger, what are the odds of your being shot down? I don't know, but I'd bet you have a better chance if you look like someone from a soft drink commercial. ;)
Sure, but the assumption of ugly = creepy is an oversimplification. Hot guys can be creepy too. How many times do the women participating in this thread have to say that creepy is creepy no matter who the person is or what he looks like?

Some hot guy is not going to get a pass if he approaches by saying the most disgusting thing he can think of. If that were the case, not only would I be annoyed but I'd be apt to think he's an asshole for thinking he can just walk up to a random fat chick and say whatever nasty thing is on his mind AND think he could get away with it because he might be used to getting by on his looks. That's just as bad. An ugly guy might get shot down, but if approaches in a disarming manner it won't be because he was creepy, it would simply be because she wasn't attracted and she has every right to say, "Oh, I'm flattered, but I'm sorry you're not my type." Guys just gotta learn the difference between creepy and disarming.
 

jen68

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 4, 2011
Messages
47
Location
facebook.com/jeanette.r.pulido,
I agree with you Penguin not everyone has the same taste. What I find attractive may not be what someone else finds attractive. Some women like the pretty boys who look like they belong in a soft drink commercial but some don’t. I think the point that Alzison was making was not based on his looks but his approach. I have a problem with a person thinking that they can approach an individual (fat or otherwise) in a manner that may be deemed inappropriate and think that it will get them play. I understand that when one is out at a bar or club you can expect some people to be a little more forward but even that can get out of hand sometimes. On the other hand being at a book store and having a total stranger approach you with his fantasy about you is creepy!!! I think the original questioned implied was: “Are fat chicks a magnet for creeps.” My response to that is I think creeps are not prejudice they are equal opportunists. Fat or thin, women are all magnets for creeps.
 

Kibeth

Huzzah!
Joined
Apr 17, 2011
Messages
63
Location
,
I admit, it does drive me mad when guys hit me on in a creepish way- Then again, I suppose I'm at fault, because I dont like being approached in public and being told some one finds me physically attractive. I don't know, its been a sort of joke my entire life so it often blows my mind to see some one or imagine some one who does find me sexy or hot (besides me..duh!).

Have you ever had the "friend" creep? That friend's friend who just creeps on you inappropriately?

I'm fat, not desperate. Okay, thaaaaaanks.
 
Joined
Jul 9, 2011
Messages
8
Location
,
I admit, it does drive me mad when guys hit me on in a creepish way- Then again, I suppose I'm at fault, because I dont like being approached in public and being told some one finds me physically attractive. I don't know, its been a sort of joke my entire life so it often blows my mind to see some one or imagine some one who does find me sexy or hot (besides me..duh!).

Have you ever had the "friend" creep? That friend's friend who just creeps on you inappropriately?

I'm fat, not desperate. Okay, thaaaaaanks.
I haven't had the friend creeper... but i did have one man that would not leave me alone on Okcupid... i was not interested in him and told him so but he continued to try and get at me.. so i burst out laughing at the I'm fat... not desperate... I think that some men assume just because I'm a big girl i'm gonna give in quick... i don't think sooooooooo :D
 

KittyKitten

Nerdysillysweetspicysaucy
Joined
Aug 27, 2009
Messages
4,013
Location
USA
I never really had a problem with creepy guys. But these are terrible experiences that I've been reading here.
 

darlingzooloo

Well-Known Member
Joined
May 5, 2011
Messages
137
Location
,
I'm only 23, but I have become convinced through the last 20 years of my life that if you are female you will be creeped upon no matter your age, weight, height, race, etc.
I was three when I was first initiated into this cycle of creepdom with a man exposing himself to me, and as I later found out, many other children in the church. In my teens I'd get hit on by men old enough to be my father when I was working, one guy kept grabbing at my hand and I was terrified because I just transformed into that violated 3 year old again. Now it seems I just get stared at and/or guys mutter things under their breath at me when I walk by, and I thank God that I have a hard time hearing muttering. O_O;

And I know when I'm old and in a nursing home there'll likely be creepers there hitting on me and the nurses, as there are now in the Veterans Home my Mum-Mum is in. x_x
 

Dr. P Marshall

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 4, 2007
Messages
1,335
Location
,
Fortune favors the prepared mind. In a club atmosphere one is prepared for flirting; when one is inspecting a cabbage such attention may prove disconcerting. I suspect many women approached in what is usually not considered a social situation are not so much defensive as blindsided. There is also the omigod-I'm-not-wearing-makeup-and-there's-a-coffee-stain-on-my-tshirt reaction to be considered. :)
There's also the fact that in a bar, they will have time to have a conversation with you and in a club, you can dance, maybe talk, whatever. I don't know why any man would ever think I would go on a date with him after a very brief interaction, which is pretty much the only type you can have at the grocery store, etc. Also, when I'm running errands, I have things to do, and a man might just be wasting my precious time that I can't afford that day.

I will say one thing about geography, if you live in a walkable city (as opposed to LA or something) or a city with a lot of public transport, you'll just automatically encounter more creeps. You also encounter more creeps in major cities in general and I say this having lived in three major cities and rural/suburban areas in my lifetime. I even have a creep tier system for public transportation:D, the creepiest creeps are on buses, the next level up is usually subway trains, then commuter trains.
 

Jess87

Man-Bat Groupie
Joined
Jul 3, 2011
Messages
270
Location
,
As the others have said women in general are magnets for creeps. Not that guys don't have their fair share. I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me, unless they attempt to touch or do touch or start doing the creepy following thing. That is never okay.

I even have a creep tier system for public transportation:D, the creepiest creeps are on buses, the next level up is usually subway trains, then commuter trains.
My experience with subways and commuter trains is very limited. We don't have them here and didn't have them anywhere else I've lived. However, the level of creepy I've experienced on buses would be hard to top. So, I'm inclined to believe this is 100% accurate. I've noticed that despite the creep level of buses I've encountered a lot of creepers while just walking. The followers are the worst.
 

Kibeth

Huzzah!
Joined
Apr 17, 2011
Messages
63
Location
,
I thought of this thread the other day. I was in the mall, walking out, by myself and minding my own business when this group of 3 or 4 guys started yelling at me about my ass. I consider it sexual harassment. It was honestly rude and offensive. "Look at all that ass in those jeans" and "look at that ass!" directly behind me, and then making this disgusting "Mmmm" noises. Kind of like campbell's commercials.

What should have been my response to this? I simply walked away and didnt say anything but a lot of people were like YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BLAH. How would you have reacted? In a public place, alone against 3 or 4 men?
 

duraznos

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
162
Location
,
I thought of this thread the other day. I was in the mall, walking out, by myself and minding my own business when this group of 3 or 4 guys started yelling at me about my ass. I consider it sexual harassment. It was honestly rude and offensive. "Look at all that ass in those jeans" and "look at that ass!" directly behind me, and then making this disgusting "Mmmm" noises. Kind of like campbell's commercials.

What should have been my response to this? I simply walked away and didnt say anything but a lot of people were like YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BLAH. How would you have reacted? In a public place, alone against 3 or 4 men?
i would have done the same thing you did... i'd like to believe that i'd turn around and tell them off, but i'd probably be embarrassed and just want to get out of there ASAP. it's such a shame some people are so disrespectful.
 

Tracyarts

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 3, 2005
Messages
2,239
Location
, Female
" Have you ever had the "friend" creep? That friend's friend who just creeps on you inappropriately? "

Not exactly, but I've experienced the "boyfriend/husband" creep a few times. Where a female friend or acquaintence's significant other would creep on me, either openly or behind her back. That's a difficult situation to navigate.

Tracy
 

Kibeth

Huzzah!
Joined
Apr 17, 2011
Messages
63
Location
,
i would have done the same thing you did... i'd like to believe that i'd turn around and tell them off, but i'd probably be embarrassed and just want to get out of there ASAP. it's such a shame some people are so disrespectful.
Thank you, I was feeling a little doubtful of myself for a minute. :/ I wasn't so embarrassed as I was offended and annoyed I guess? Its done with for now but I felt seriously offended.

@Tracy
I have had that a few times as well. It is kind of weird. Its like..eeeeh. you're girlfriend is sitting right there. I just try to be as unattractive as humanly possible.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2006
Messages
148
Location
,
I think it is a combination of things, but, a lot what McBeth said..

I think we are viewed as the limping gazelle. And btw, sorry, that happened. Next time....explain you understand and knee him in the balls hehehehe

However, publicly, no...I never have men approach me in a positive manner to be completely honest. I get a lot of aggression and anger. I was with a nice group of people at this bar on Chesapeake Bay, much smaller than I am now..like 5'10" and 300 and I feel this sharp pain and I dropped. I had been violently elbowed me in the kidneys on purpose - as it turns out 2 large men saw the GUY who did it..and threw him out and down the stairs (we were on the second floor). Didn't know the guy - I'm like 700 miles from home. ..I had done nothing to provoke it..other than being fat.

Another time was at a Cher concert, this guy had been getting up and leaving the row the entire concert and each time he was more drunk and agitated. He came back ( I was on the end ) the last time and yanked on my arm very hard and started screaming at me - in my face (my friends and I were separated due to last minute ticket buying) - calling me names - two lovely gay men from across the aisle approached me quickly pulled me into their aisle and away from him and called security. I was in New Orleans - this man did not know me, I had said nothing to him.


So, not sexual, but, I sure do get the aggressive ones...I think it my height and size - it seems to be threatening somehow??? I dunno. But, if I had been 145lbs I think the stories would be vastly different. As these things have never happened to my skinny/average friends???
I'm no limping gazelle. I'm the dragon that will set their ass on fire for being a douchetard.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2006
Messages
148
Location
,
If I look at my ex boyfriends (and maybe the girlfriends, too)? This is so true. SO true. Creepers, the lot of them.

However, I dont get any male attention in public save for the occasional staring-guy driving down the street in his car while I'm walking. It's terrible you get this brand of street harassment, by the way.

But. Apparently it gets worse if you lose weight. I think this brand of creeper is kind of equal opportunity when it comes to size. Though, fat is always associated with being unfeminine (lolwat) and a mark of being lascivious and greedy. So ...I guess I'm going back and forth on this.

Hmm.

Oh yeah, someone mentioned "whaling". There is nothing in the world that pisses me off more than this whole phenomenon. Apparently its big in the military. Whats funny is, I tore into a friend recently we call "Hobo" who is a Marine. He's been begging me to come visit me, hang out, maybe have sexy time or whatever. And then when he gets with his boys on one occasion they start joking about "Fat girls giving the best head because they're hungry", "whaling", etc etc. I reamed him to the best of my ability and he gave the excuse "Its just guys being guys baaawh!"

Like...I'm supposed to be okay with that? Joke or not, he's still my friend but there is no way I'm letting him come around and hang out when he's done something like that. And yet...part of his reassurance was that he really desired me, and all that crap.

I think that puts a little perspective to it. Fat women are supposed to be ugly and undesirable and I think they hide the fact that they DO desire us behind this facade of male homosociality.
And he's still your friend? He would have been gone the first time he spoke that way to me or around me. I have enough fat-girl drama. I don't need anyone else's thanks.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2006
Messages
148
Location
,
i think it might just only seem that way. i have a lot of very handsome guy friends who are attracted to fat women but when they hit on them they get ignored because she tends to think its some kind of joke. IMO the only difference between the choices of fat women and average sized women are the expectations. they always ask me to hang out with them as fat girl bait so that other women my size can see that's what they actually like.
Sadly enough, many times it IS a joke when guys hit on us or they're looking for sex, money, or a place to flop at. So if your friends ARE sincere, they may have to understand why we're so skittish everytime men even say "boo" to us. And maybe having a woman hang out with them when they're "chick-hunting" isn't such a hot idea itself, because I know when I see a guy alone with a woman my size (16-18 misses), I assume that it's either his girlfriend, his sister, or his asexual friend that hopes to be more, despite her size. In other words, inaccessible. (Scenario one: TAKEN! Scenario two: Sorry to say, most men I meet tend to see big women as one of three things: sexless fat girl friend, easy prey, or a caregiver, and who needs that?) So I walk on by, to avoid rejection, scorn, or mockery. There it is, right there, why many big women have little to no use for men who even say they're pretty.
 

idontspeakespn

Rabble-rousing since 1982
Joined
Jul 16, 2011
Messages
205
Location
,
So something kind of upsetting happened to me today and I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience. I had a nice morning, brunch with friends, then went to read outside for a few hours. Eventually, I decided to take a walk and stopped at a nearby used bookstore. The place was very small, and I quickly moved to the back of the store to peruse the fiction section. Immediately after turning the corner of the far bookcase, I was face-to-face with a guy I recognized from the park where I had been reading. I was listening to music and started walking away, but he waved at me to take off my headphones. My thought was that I just wanted to get rid of the guy and do so as quickly and calmly as possible, so I stopped and asked him what he wanted. "I don't want to say this too loud, but I wanted to tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking of this story. I follow you here from the park. And then we have an intimate conversation and- do you get what I'm saying?" I said "well, you just said you followed me here, so I get that that is pretty damn creepy." "No, I'm just sharing this thought I had. It's like... it's like foreplay... I follow you here, we have this intimate conversation and then... 'dot dot dot.' Do you get what I'm saying?" "Yeah," I said, "and it's not gonna happen." He told me he had to "take a leak" and soon left the store and I went up to the front desk to tell them about the dude and warn them not to let him back inside. Pretty much immediately, I took off and got as far away from that neighborhood as I could. OK, I walked a few blocks to a hat store and tried to find refuge in the floppy bonnets. Still!

The following me made me feel pretty violated, not to mention the fact that he admitted it to me as some sort of seduction technique. And it got me thinking. This was a particularly disturbing and upsetting scenario but, truthfully, not a rare one. I've talked to thin friends who are amazed at the volume completely creepy things people say and do to me. It's more than just staring or winking, I've been followed off the train multiple times, passed notes, men have grabbed me, asked me to take them home with me (a serious request), tried to kiss me or ask me to show them my breasts, they call after me and get verbally abusive if I just walk away or try to ignore it. But really, what do these guys think they are going to accomplish by behaving like this? Do you think that coming after me in a subway station and following me up the stairs will lead to me running back to your place to sleep with you? I don't think I get hit on more than my skinny friends or because I'm some exceptionally hot piece, but this latest experience has me wondering if men feel like, because I'm fat, I'm more likely to be receptive to these completely inappropriate and disgusting advances. It's insulting on so many levels and, frankly, couldn't be further from the truth.

A friend of mine, formerly a size 16 (and now much smaller), also made a comment to me about how "fat girls are much sluttier because they are so insecure" and how so many of her fat friends slept around "to feel better about themselves." This was said as if coming from a good place and to explain the way men react to women like me. So clearly, the misconception goes beyond just the creepy men themselves.

Thoughts?
I had this happen to me on a daily basis. It's gotten so bad that I just keep my head down when I walk down the street, earplugs kept firmly in my ear...otherwise men would just accost me every few hundred feet. Really not me being a pre-madonna or anything...this does happen. One of my friends asked me why I kept my head down, because it looks as if I don't like meeting people in the eye because of low self-esteem...I let her see what happened when I smiled, rose my head and looked people in the eye as they passed me...she got the point when I guy tried to motor-boat me in the street. Granted he was drunk and stumbling out of a pub we were passing, but she understood. I hate it with a passion and guys will be made to know my displeasure. I've only had one guy come up to me on the street that didn't make me feel like I was a deer in a hunter's range...but that's a whole other can of worms I can't get into.

As for what guys might think: I think some--not all, but some--guys might think PSWs are sluttier because we have no self-esteem and don't think we can get any better. Personally, I just like sex. I don't hide that fact. However, I don't just jump into bed with anybody, and even if I did, it doesn't mean I have low-esteem and think I can't get any better. It may be true that some fat chicks do sleep around because of self-esteem issues, but that's not all of us, and it really infuriates me that the rest of us are lumped into the 'plus-sized = easy' category.

Overall, I think that having random creepos come up to you in the park, or at a coffee shop or wherever it is you might be is just how it works when you're a BBW. Probably works that way for a lot of other women, BBW or not. It sucks it works that way, but there it is. Perception is usually 99% misleading.

FYI...I'm new to the Dimensions community, and this was my first post. Hi! :D
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jes

J34

Purple Monkey Dishwasher!
Joined
Jul 24, 2007
Messages
816
Location
,
Not exactly, but I've experienced the "boyfriend/husband" creep a few times. Where a female friend or acquaintence's significant other would creep on me, either openly or behind her back. That's a difficult situation to navigate.

Tracy
I am a guy, and I have noticed this from men all the time.
 

Latest posts

Top