As a fat person, there will be times out in the world where the way the world is constructed will not be hospitable to our bodies. And depending on body size, this can come up just once in a while, or multiple times on a daily basis. And if you choose as a fat person not to let the inhospitable nature of some of the built-environment keep you from going out and interacting in lots of different places on a regular basis, there are going to be times when a piece of furniture breaks, an access point (like a turnstile) is too small, and any number of other scenarios where some creative thinking or different modes of access or engagement have to be found or worked out.
I have worked really really hard over the years not to let my fear of these kinds of situations keep me from going out and trying new things, and have learned from a lot of other fat women about how to approach these things in a way that is direct, unapologetic, and free of shame. But I still sometimes find that when something like this happens, my initial gut internal reaction is to feel like I am freakish and wrong, and to feel shame. I work through it later, and reorient myself to what is true, but it's a process - and it's a process I'd like to take less time, and to figure out new ways of reacting and framing these situations.
So my question is - do you still have those immediate feelings of shame? And if so, how do you deal with them? Are there some situations (or people you are with) that bring it up more than others? Or if you don't feel shame, what do you feel instead when you encounter surprising fat-obstacles, and how do you express that?
I have worked really really hard over the years not to let my fear of these kinds of situations keep me from going out and trying new things, and have learned from a lot of other fat women about how to approach these things in a way that is direct, unapologetic, and free of shame. But I still sometimes find that when something like this happens, my initial gut internal reaction is to feel like I am freakish and wrong, and to feel shame. I work through it later, and reorient myself to what is true, but it's a process - and it's a process I'd like to take less time, and to figure out new ways of reacting and framing these situations.
So my question is - do you still have those immediate feelings of shame? And if so, how do you deal with them? Are there some situations (or people you are with) that bring it up more than others? Or if you don't feel shame, what do you feel instead when you encounter surprising fat-obstacles, and how do you express that?
