ToniTails
"so FLUFFY!"
Oh I am soooo pissed right now. I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. He asked about my weight today, which doesn't bother me a bit. I understand that people, especially doctors can be concerned. However, what he said today felt like discrimination to me. He told me that if I don't lose weight, he won't see me anymore-
I answered, "I'm not going to lose weight. If you have a problem with that then I will find someone else."
He said, "There is no one else in this county."
And he's right. There isn't. I'm a low income single mom who battles bi-polar along with post traumatic stress disorder. He knows I need the medication I take, and he knows that in this small town, there's no one else for me.
He said. "So what are you going to do?"
And I said, "I'll move somewhere where a doctor will see me."
"Why won't you lose weight?" he asked.
He obviously couldn't understand my answer because he had to ask 3 more times so he could here it again.
"My body and my looks are the one thing about myself I am happy with."
And that's the truth. Why can't he help me with the deeper issues? I live with horrible memories, loss of family members, just trying not to hate myself sometimes- you know? Why does he focus on the one thing that makes me happy and try to force me to change it.
I'm asking these rhetorically. I know the answer.
I am just so bawling right now. You should see the tear drops splashing off my keyboard. I feel like Alice in wonderland when she became a giant and then shrunk to drown in her own tears. lol
Well screw that shit! I hate crying. I think I should cry more, tho- it feels kinda good when the tears start drying, like you've washed something dirty out of you.
Well, I've rambled on enough- i love to write, so if i get started, i may never stop, lol
I answered, "I'm not going to lose weight. If you have a problem with that then I will find someone else."
He said, "There is no one else in this county."
And he's right. There isn't. I'm a low income single mom who battles bi-polar along with post traumatic stress disorder. He knows I need the medication I take, and he knows that in this small town, there's no one else for me.
He said. "So what are you going to do?"
And I said, "I'll move somewhere where a doctor will see me."
"Why won't you lose weight?" he asked.
He obviously couldn't understand my answer because he had to ask 3 more times so he could here it again.
"My body and my looks are the one thing about myself I am happy with."
And that's the truth. Why can't he help me with the deeper issues? I live with horrible memories, loss of family members, just trying not to hate myself sometimes- you know? Why does he focus on the one thing that makes me happy and try to force me to change it.
I'm asking these rhetorically. I know the answer.
I am just so bawling right now. You should see the tear drops splashing off my keyboard. I feel like Alice in wonderland when she became a giant and then shrunk to drown in her own tears. lol
Well screw that shit! I hate crying. I think I should cry more, tho- it feels kinda good when the tears start drying, like you've washed something dirty out of you.
Well, I've rambled on enough- i love to write, so if i get started, i may never stop, lol
