BeautifulPoeticDisaster
Well-Known Member
Ok, I have an honest question. Being fat and all (no way!), lol, I am, we are, constantly bombarded with messages of how unhealthy we are and that we should expect to drop dead at any moment because we are fat. This creates so much negative crap in my head. And as we all know...mind over matter...and if my mind is poisoned...so is my matter? lol
No, seriously. I have lived my life as if I am going to die withthin x amount of years. This has created a problem. I am now 28 (way over the life expectancy I was given over and over my parents, teachers, doctors, etc.) and now I have bad credit and an unfinish education because of it, lol. Wouldn't you recklessly spend and major in everything under the sun if you were told you were going to die by age 25? So yeah.
Now to the point at hand. Reguardless of what the "authorities and officials" say....how do you feel inside??
I feel ok. I feel like I need a little work. But I feel ok. I feel my lungs going up and down, I feel my pulse, I can move all my muscles. On the flip side, I can feel my legs starting to swell even though I have taken a dieuretic and my knees hurt when I walk. But for carrying around 500+ pounds for thepast 5 years, I think my body is in prime condition.
This is not how my mind feels. The media and the officials have me in such a frenzy that if I happen to eat something high in fat or "bad" for me, like fast food, I suddenly feel my heart racing and can almost feel a heart attack coming on. So basically eating anything no diet like sends me into a near panic attack. It is sad. It is sad that the world around me has this much mind control over me. Even though I realise the mind control is there, I cannot erase what it has done to me....very easily.
I want to know...how do others deal with it? When I think Im going to die, I think of the others who are much larger than I, and older, who are still going strong, but then there are the unfortunate others who were around my age or younger and simular size and smaller who are no longer with us. Just scares me a bit.
I think I need to stay away from the tellie, news papers, magazines, etc, until I can get a grip on my mind. I FEEL healthy as long as I don't think about it too much...but once I start to think about it, I panic.
This ia rambling post...forgive me. Maybe this will make sense to someone...maybe not.
I fear finding a DR here in the UK. I am seen as a freak by the general population...something I am having to grow a thick skin for. But the NHS has an anti-fat people war on right now...and to find a DR just to hear about what bad health I am in.....terrifies me.
I need a hug and or some advice/personal stories.....purdy pleeeeeze?
No, seriously. I have lived my life as if I am going to die withthin x amount of years. This has created a problem. I am now 28 (way over the life expectancy I was given over and over my parents, teachers, doctors, etc.) and now I have bad credit and an unfinish education because of it, lol. Wouldn't you recklessly spend and major in everything under the sun if you were told you were going to die by age 25? So yeah.
Now to the point at hand. Reguardless of what the "authorities and officials" say....how do you feel inside??
I feel ok. I feel like I need a little work. But I feel ok. I feel my lungs going up and down, I feel my pulse, I can move all my muscles. On the flip side, I can feel my legs starting to swell even though I have taken a dieuretic and my knees hurt when I walk. But for carrying around 500+ pounds for thepast 5 years, I think my body is in prime condition.
This is not how my mind feels. The media and the officials have me in such a frenzy that if I happen to eat something high in fat or "bad" for me, like fast food, I suddenly feel my heart racing and can almost feel a heart attack coming on. So basically eating anything no diet like sends me into a near panic attack. It is sad. It is sad that the world around me has this much mind control over me. Even though I realise the mind control is there, I cannot erase what it has done to me....very easily.
I want to know...how do others deal with it? When I think Im going to die, I think of the others who are much larger than I, and older, who are still going strong, but then there are the unfortunate others who were around my age or younger and simular size and smaller who are no longer with us. Just scares me a bit.
I think I need to stay away from the tellie, news papers, magazines, etc, until I can get a grip on my mind. I FEEL healthy as long as I don't think about it too much...but once I start to think about it, I panic.
This ia rambling post...forgive me. Maybe this will make sense to someone...maybe not.
I fear finding a DR here in the UK. I am seen as a freak by the general population...something I am having to grow a thick skin for. But the NHS has an anti-fat people war on right now...and to find a DR just to hear about what bad health I am in.....terrifies me.
I need a hug and or some advice/personal stories.....purdy pleeeeeze?
