I need to scream..

Discussion in 'BHM/FFA' started by PolarKat, Apr 25, 2010.

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  1. Apr 25, 2010 #1

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    Digital Sun tanning

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    I know this has no relevance to this place, but I needed to vent off to the universe a bit..

    It was just over 14 years ago, I decided to move back home with my parents in order to finish school. One day my mom came home and said she decided to buy a dog to keep her company during the day when she was alone. I strongly opposed the idea, foremost it was a lot of work for her to handle, secondly it was an ankle biter and I really can’t stand those, and lastly, because I knew the day would come. Well, the dog was already paid for, and it was her house so that conversation ended rather quickly.

    Several months later she arrived, it was a quarter the size of the cat, white face that looked like it was smashed in an accident. It had big goggley eyes taking up half the face, brown floppy ears, a white little body with a brown stripe around the waist, and a poof that passed for a tail. I knew then and there we weren’t going to get along, but she knew otherwise.

    From almost the moment she arrived, I wanted nothing to do with her, yet she would follow me around everywhere always walking a bit too fast on her feet and constantly ended up knocking into me. I’d be on the couch watching TV and she’d be bringing me her toys and squeaking at me to throw them. I’d be doing homework and she would be hopping on me trying to get my attention.
    Eventually I gave up trying to ignore her, and thought might as well start taking her for walks since I could use the exercise.

    She loved going out for walks, it eventually became a routine. I’d get home from school and she’d first hop on me until I picked her up and pet her, then she would run next to the door for me to take her out. Over the next few years I started to teach her tricks. The usual sit, give the paw, roll over, and as time went on the tricks got better, teaching her to beg by standing up and putting her paws together, dancing around in a circle, barking on command, and then I start to teach her to “speak”.. stuff like “raw raw raw”, and “Aroooowww”, several different barks and growls, which she then began to use herself to ask for food, treats or attention. Now when she wanted food, she’d walk up to you and go “mah mah mah” repeatedly, for treats it was “rah rah”. Without me realizing it, over time she became my best friend.

    All my “friends” slowly got married off, by this time I was already living on my own again, and I saw less and less of my “friends”. It’s understandable, eventually you stop relating to them, they’re all talking about stainless steel appliances, kid’s birthdays and baptisms, diapers and what have you, so I ended up seeing them a lot less and just happened to go by my parents place more often. A house gets really lonely when you’re the only one in it day after day.

    My parents house happened to be close to my last few jobs, so I always made it a habit to go there for lunch. I’d come at lunch take her for a quick walk, then eat my lunch and when I went to my coffee before leaving she would already start the “raw raw raw”. She knew that it would be time to do tricks for rewards. I’d take half a “pupperoni” and cut into small pieces, 1 for each trick, and then there would be 2 cookies I’d give her after the tricks. It had to be 2 cookies if I only gave her 1 then she would sit there and complain until she got the second one. When I felt blue or lonely I’d steal her and take her home with me for a couple days. She always knew what to do to make me feel better, and she loved going out in the early mornings for walks on the beach and trying to chase the ducks.

    As she got older she became much more relaxed, she’d still do all her tricks, but now when I came over she would do her little “ass dance” until I picked her up. Then she would cuddle her head under my neck as I pet and scratched her, in the evenings she’d sit on the couch with me and I’d talk to her while petting or brushing her. She always knew how I felt, if I was depressed, she was stuck to me like glue. She would be the one who would cheer me up when things were going bad. The problem is, that last night she died.

    I knew this day would come and I dreaded it the first time I saw her. Over the last 13 years of her life, she was there for me, my “friends” send me letters to announce births, parties, and baptisms, never asking me how I’m doing. I never even see them anymore. Right now more than ever I want to hold her while she presses her head under my neck like she always does, I need her to cheer me up, but I know that never going to happen again.
     
    chicken legs, PhatChk, olwen and 2 others like this.
  2. Apr 25, 2010 #2

    rabbitislove

    rabbitislove

    rabbitislove

    24 Carrot Magic

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    *hug* I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  3. Apr 25, 2010 #3

    BigChaz

    BigChaz

    BigChaz

    His Eggy Roundness

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    That sucks, sorry for your loss :(
     
  4. Apr 25, 2010 #4

    Esther

    Esther

    Esther

    Queen Black Acid

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It's definitely tough to be parted from a pet you've bonded so closely with.
     
  5. Apr 25, 2010 #5

    warwagon86

    warwagon86

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    All Over The World

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    warwagon86,
    i used to have an awesome german shepherd! loved that dog and called him Rocky

    moved house... our new neighbours were douches and complained

    so we went on holidays and left him with my cousins and my parents told me he got hit by a train!!!

    i found out when i was 16 they had given him away but i was devastated!! needless to say i will be getting a german shepherd when i have my own place!!

    dogs are close and friendly why dont you consider getting a new dog? i know it wont be the same but if hes going to be a close companion for you??
     
  6. Apr 26, 2010 #6

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    Digital Sun tanning

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    I want thank all of you who sent over some kind words, it's very apreciated!
    Just being able to let it out, even just posting randomly on a board, helps alot.

    That absolutely sucks, but I can relate, my parents were quite callus when it came to pets when we were kids.

    I've picked up an abandonded puppy just over a year ago, he's been living with me, he's more the independant type.. but when your life becomes a routine of being single, working/sleeping, rinse and repeat, pets start to become more people like, and you relate to them more on their individual quirks and character.. (sound like one of those old cat ladies), so it hits a bit harder than it would have in the past when i was in my teens/20's.
     
  7. Apr 26, 2010 #7

    LovesBigMen

    LovesBigMen

    LovesBigMen

    Poco G. leave it there xD

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    sorry for your loss:(
     
  8. Apr 26, 2010 #8

    NYC_FFA

    NYC_FFA

    NYC_FFA

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    *Double-post, oops.*
     
  9. Apr 26, 2010 #9

    NYC_FFA

    NYC_FFA

    NYC_FFA

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    From one dog lover to another, sorry for your loss. :(
     
  10. Apr 26, 2010 #10

    shhtx1970

    shhtx1970

    shhtx1970

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    My condolences and sorrow for your loss. I hope the best for you through this rough time.
     
  11. Apr 26, 2010 #11

    Tad

    Tad

    Tad

    mostly harmless

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    So sorry for your loss. We can't help loving our pets, even knowing that some day we'll lose them....but knowing that day will come just makes it harder, I think.
     
  12. Apr 26, 2010 #12

    likeitmatters

    likeitmatters

    likeitmatters

    happiness as finally come

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    I had my dog put down about 3 months ago due to having cancerous lumps on him and he was 15 years and stupid and silly but I knew it was time. And before that I lost my beloved blanche due to flea problems.

    Try to remember the good times you had and cherish them because they will be with you forever. You sound like incrediable person who fell in love with a dog that you did not like. I guess her love was enough to win you over or her cold nose was enough...

    In closing, animals give what no human being will ever give unconditional love and to me, a human without a pet is no human I want to know.


    p.s these are two of my babies that I am giving away to a wonderful family and I know I will be crying when that time comes...

    0413001410[1].jpg
     
  13. Apr 28, 2010 #13

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

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    Once again, thank you all for the kind words!

    I think that's been the hardest part for me when it comes to pets in general, it was also the main reason I stopped having any pets. I literaly went from a small zoo to nothing.

    I think what hit hard was that same night you couldn't tell at all that she was even sick, etc.., in hindsight there were a couple signs, she was loosing weight, having trouble with stairs the last couple weeks, but not enough to throw an alarm.

    Yeah, in the end I agree.. I wouldn't trade the knowing her for anything..
     
  14. Apr 28, 2010 #14

    bigjmccoy

    bigjmccoy

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  15. Apr 28, 2010 #15

    lovelocs

    lovelocs

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    Nunc est Bibendum

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    Sorry for your loss. I lost a rabbit, I kept her ashes and her memories, though.
     
  16. Apr 28, 2010 #16

    CastingPearls

    CastingPearls

    CastingPearls

    Go Big Or Go Home In Remembrance

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    I feel your pain. I've lost several very special pets but my cat Mr. Peaches was like my kid. I was a dog person for many years and my family started to basically collect cats and I grew to love them too. When I moved out on my own I adopted Peachy. Anyone who says cats have no personalities doesn't know a cat because he was like an awesome kid in a cat suit. He didn't take crap off anyone either, except me. I was his mom. A few years ago, when I was very sick, he started acting differently. We took him to the vet, they took a few tests and found nothing. Everyone reassured me that it was nothing but I knew my kid. After 2 years of me insisting, they took more tests and found it was liver cancer. Because he was a fighter, we tried chemo. He lived seven months longer than expected. We decided to discontinue chemo because of the stress he went through every time we had to administer it and to let him alone as long as he was eating okay.
    One night he came to me and even though he was very weak and thin, he was able to jump on the pillow on my lap (I was in a lot of pain) and he looked me in the eye to say, 'let me go' I cried and I held him and I told my husband we had to take him to the vet as soon as they opened in the morning. Fifteen seconds before the doctor walked in with the needle to put him out of his misery, he died. He went out exactly the way he lived his life; on his own terms. He was a moody snotty amazingly smart cat and he was mine. And I miss him every single day. R.I.P Mr. Peaches. Best.Cat.Ever.
     
  17. Apr 28, 2010 #17

    Cece Larue

    Cece Larue

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    So sorry to hear about the loss of your fur baby. Your description of her reminds me alot of my dog... I am dreading the day she passes. She was a lucky little pup to be so loved.
     
  18. Apr 28, 2010 #18

    likeitmatters

    likeitmatters

    likeitmatters

    happiness as finally come

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    that passed away a few years ago when I was living in maryland came to me in my dreams and I was standing outside calling her and I saw in the distant a cat running towards me and I saw it was my chicklet. she jumped into my arms and we snuggled and she jumped off and started running away and for a moment she looked back and looked at me and waved her tail and then started running away again. I knew at that time she was dead because in life she was my muse along with her baby blanche and she was just a darling cat among my cats and I have fond memories of them. :bow::bow::bow:
     
  19. Apr 28, 2010 #19

    Laura2008

    Laura2008

    Laura2008

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    Sorry for your loss PolarKat. Do you have a photo of your little pooch you'd like to share?
     
  20. Apr 29, 2010 #20

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

    PolarKat

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    Again, thank you all for the kind words.

    I agree 100% My Dog's buddy was my cat, he died years ago. he also broke that stereotype of what most people think about cats. When I used to walk the dog, he would walk right along with us. He knew what time I used to get home at from school/work and he'd ask to be let out so he could wait for me on the balcony. I was able to teach him quite a few tricks as well, getting up on two and putting his paws together to beg was a trick I taught him first.
    My dog missed him quite a bit as well, for a while after he died she would just wait near the door with the toy that they usually fought over.

    It's not that good of a shot, but it was both my dog and cat wondering what I was doing with the camera. :)
    View attachment d&c.jpg
     

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