Ive put on weight :( and now i feel unsexy why?

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shazz2602

doing that think you do
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Shazz,

I am not a psychologist I will start out by saying, but the weight gain just seems to be a symptom of your depression.
Are you talking to anybody about how you are feeling? That may help you greatly.
If you feel that you need to make some changes in your lifestyle just do one small thing daily to work towards that goal.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that you are beautiful.
The past 4 weeks ive started seeing a counilor so i am hoping that might help its starting too but i guess its early days, she wants me to see a phsycologist too and i will be doing soo im just not sure when.
 

shazz2602

doing that think you do
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Everyone has a limit to how they big or small they want to get/be. So It's not at all unnatural or weird or anything that your feeling unsexy. Try Buying something you've always wanted to. Like.. Makeup you've wanted, or hair dye, or jewelry, or new clothes or something. ;3 Sorry I don't know quite what to say...
Somthing I have always wanted well hummm i dont wear makeup so thats out, I like my hair colour, I have apparently enough clothes to keep most women in the world happy or so my boyfriend says, actually he thinks i have way to many clothes lol but I would like a baby i guess thats the only thing i really want and cant have so I guess really im kinda stuck but thanks for the thought :)
 

shazz2602

doing that think you do
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[/QUOTE]Also, it might ease your communication in these forums if you try using some capital letters and punctuation.[/QUOTE]


To be honest I really can't be bothered sometimes! I didnt realise there was some kind of punctuation police. I am sorry I will try and be better just for the sake of not being arrested lol.:doh::eek:
 

Shosh

Susannah
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thats the big question i guess to be accepted and not be looked at like some lower person just because of my size i know its a tall order but i just want to fit into a crowd instead of standing out.
It sounds cliched but you have to start from a point of having unconditional love for yourself. The thoughts that you have about yourself go out to the world around you and people pick up on that and reflect that back.
There will always be insensitive people who will be nasty to you about your weight, but you can learn to have selective hearing and block those people out.

I just have to look at the example of some of the beautiful big women here, for example at the BBW Bashes. They are held at hotels, and I am sure that the other guests would see a gathering of these beautiful self confident women, who are presenting themselves in a confident manner. Other people would pick up on that and respond positively.
You know what? We are big beautiful women of size. We have arrived. That is all there is to it.

I have my days where I struggle with self esteem issues, but I remind myself that I am to be gentle with myself, and that I am not to criticize myself.

I see a psychologist weekly, and it has been helpful to me. I am sure that it will give you peace also.

My best wishes to you.
 

shazz2602

doing that think you do
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It sounds cliched but you have to start from a point of having unconditional love for yourself. The thoughts that you have about yourself go out to the world around you and people pick up on that and reflect that back.
There will always be insensitive people who will be nasty to you about your weight, but you can learn to have selective hearing and block those people out.

It sounds crazy but I just have to look at the example of some of the beautiful big women here, for example at the BBW Bashes. They are held at hotels, and I am sure that the other guests would see a gathering of these beautiful self confident women, who are presenting themselves in a confident manner. Other people would pick up on that and respond positively.
You know what? We are big beautiful women of size. We have arrived. That is all there is to it.

I have my days where I struggle with self esteem issues, but I remind myself that I am to be gentle with myself, and that I am not to criticize myself.

I see a psychologist weekly, and it has been helpful to me. I am sure that it will give you peace also.

My best wishes to you.
Thankyou for your kind words :) I know I lack with self esteem and with all the knocks I have had in life I am working my way through it. I know one day or I hope one day I will feel as confident as the women on here who I so admire. To me they look happy and love themselves and think they are sexy which is fantastic I just hope to one day feel the same!
 

Shosh

Susannah
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Thankyou for your kind words :) I know I lack with self esteem and with all the knocks I have had in life I am working my way through it. I know one day or I hope one day I will feel as confident as the women on here who I so admire. To me they look happy and love themselves and think they are sexy which is fantastic I just hope to one day feel the same!
It really is a daily journey Shazz. I am sure that most of the women here struggle with the same issues from time to time in terms of self esteem, but being here at Dims in this nurturing cocoon like atmosphere has given them the strength to go out into the world, and take back their rightful place as women in this culture that tells them that they are not enough.

Seize the day.


Sorry if this is sounding like an episode of Oprah, but you know what I mean.:p

My best to you.:)
 
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...with a bmi of about 78 i should be dead lol
All the doctors were actually quite amazed at the fact that im really quite active and i can jog and walk.
I know at this point it will probably seem off topic but when it comes to just how ridiculous the BMI scale is, I highly recommend you watch the following half-hour segment of Penn and Teller's "Bullshit!" on the topic of obesity. The show is also pretty f__king funny.

http://www.sho.com/site/order/preview.do

Hope this helps.
 

Chimpi

into the shining sun
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The fact of the matter is not that you "should" be dead or anything, it's that you have the hope of being a better person (in your eyes), you're active and you "can jog and walk." That's fantastic. You should remain active and jog and walk regularly because that will keep your cardiovascular system in check. Trying to remain healthy is just as important as trying to remain alive, and the two go hand in hand.
It seems that you are the walking anti-stereotype. You're very large but you seem to be relatively healthy, too. There are many others on board here just like yourself, too, so that should help ease your mind a little bit. It's very easy to be fat and healthy. Remaining physically active is one of those key ingredients.

You said in one of your posts that one thing you really want is to not stand out, to not be the noticeable person in the crowd. Why is that? You can either answer it or choose to not answer it (which we all will completely respect as a rhetorical question), but what is it about you that you want to hide away from the world?
The reality is that you're a fat woman and most of them men on this board (including myself) will (and do) find you to be a sexy woman, including the size of your body. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You're just another person that has been 'spoon fed' a lot of negative thinking when it comes to fat people, just like most of the people on this forum were or still are.

Confidence comes within. Only you can find your way to your own confidence.
Confidence comes from accepting yourself as you are - realizing that changing the size and/or shape of your body will not solve any of your problems, except maybe the physical perception of yourself.
Confidence comes when you want to enjoy who you are.
Confidence comes when you realize that you need to be your own happy person, your own positive self.
You are not the number on the scale. It is a part of you, but it's not who you are. You are who you want to be; you're your own personality and a combination of all the little things that make you up. There's also nothing wrong with having three large numbers on the scale.

On a last note, you should be your own judge on how much clothes you have. If you do not think you have enough, get some more. They're your clothes, it's your taste, it's your life, it's your world... live it the way you want to live it.

(what is it with me and long posts?)
 

shazz2602

doing that think you do
Joined
Aug 22, 2008
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The fact of the matter is not that you "should" be dead or anything, it's that you have the hope of being a better person (in your eyes), you're active and you "can jog and walk." That's fantastic. You should remain active and jog and walk regularly because that will keep your cardiovascular system in check. Trying to remain healthy is just as important as trying to remain alive, and the two go hand in hand.
It seems that you are the walking anti-stereotype. You're very large but you seem to be relatively healthy, too. There are many others on board here just like yourself, too, so that should help ease your mind a little bit. It's very easy to be fat and healthy. Remaining physically active is one of those key ingredients.

You said in one of your posts that one thing you really want is to not stand out, to not be the noticeable person in the crowd. Why is that? You can either answer it or choose to not answer it (which we all will completely respect as a rhetorical question), but what is it about you that you want to hide away from the world?
The reality is that you're a fat woman and most of them men on this board (including myself) will (and do) find you to be a sexy woman, including the size of your body. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You're just another person that has been 'spoon fed' a lot of negative thinking when it comes to fat people, just like most of the people on this forum were or still are.

Confidence comes within. Only you can find your way to your own confidence.
Confidence comes from accepting yourself as you are - realizing that changing the size and/or shape of your body will not solve any of your problems, except maybe the physical perception of yourself.
Confidence comes when you want to enjoy who you are.
Confidence comes when you realize that you need to be your own happy person, your own positive self.
You are not the number on the scale. It is a part of you, but it's not who you are. You are who you want to be; you're your own personality and a combination of all the little things that make you up. There's also nothing wrong with having three large numbers on the scale.

On a last note, you should be your own judge on how much clothes you have. If you do not think you have enough, get some more. They're your clothes, it's your taste, it's your life, it's your world... live it the way you want to live it.

(what is it with me and long posts?)
Thankyou for your comments as for wanting to hide in a crowd i want to hide becuse im huge and well not that good looking, i want to be not so tall i like my height sometimes but other times along with my size i look like a fat version of the jolly green giant.
I just want to be accepted for who i am and not what i look like its hard being so tall there arent that many tall big women out there and i know having big friends and family who are short who find it easy to hide in the crowd because they arent tall but i stand out like a sore thumb.

I try to keep active i walk my dog daily along with house work and shopping and everything else i have to do i guess im quite lucky that i can move i would hate to be dependant on someone else and i would soooooo miss driving my car at hight speeds lol

and well yeah i can do long posts too but hey not as long as you :p
 

Ho Ho Tai

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Thankyou for your comments as for wanting to hide in a crowd i want to hide becuse im huge and well not that good looking, i want to be not so tall i like my height sometimes but other times along with my size i look like a fat version of the jolly green giant.
I just want to be accepted for who i am and not what i look like its hard being so tall there arent that many tall big women out there and i know having big friends and family who are short who find it easy to hide in the crowd because they arent tall but i stand out like a sore thumb.

:p
Shazz -

Remember that bat-searchlight which would illuminate the night sky over Gotham, when Batman and Robin were needed? We have a member on these boards who is, I suspect, both taller and heavier than you are. She has addressed, and conquered, many issues similar to yours. Her handle is Tall Fat Sue. If you find any post by her (or find her name in the membership list) you can contact her by Personal Message (PM), which is one of the functions which opens up when you click on her name. There is no guarantee that she will respond, but she is a personable lady who has helped others in similar quandaries.

Incidentally, Mrs Ho Ho is also pretty tall and heavy (or should I rewrite that as pretty, tall and heavy?) and has struggled for some years to get to the point where she moves freely and successfully through both the business world and her personal world.

Though your inclination may be to 'hide your candle under a bushel' (and I know you have a 'candle') in the long run you will be happier if you can find a way to let it shine.
 

Fuzzy Necromancer

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Also, it might ease your communication in these forums if you try using some capital letters and punctuation.[/QUOTE]


To be honest I really can't be bothered sometimes! I didnt realise there was some kind of punctuation police. I am sorry I will try and be better just for the sake of not being arrested lol.:doh::eek:[/QUOTE]

I can't help it, I'm an English Major. =/
 

Les Toil

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Beauty definitely comes from within Shazz. But if being agile and engaging in physical sports (that you're no longer able to engage in) made you feel sexy, then you should stay on your coarse and get back to the size that made you feel more like yourself. But from the pics I've seem of the present you, sexiness shouldn't be considered an issue. :)

To be honest I really can't be bothered sometimes! I didnt realise there was some kind of punctuation police. I am sorry I will try and be better just for the sake of not being arrested lol.:doh::eek:
Hi Shazz. Sometimes sentences can be completely miss-understood if the writer isn't using periods and other punctuation. I was the same way when I first came on the net 12 years ago and people complained to me they didn't know when my sentences would stop and when they'd begin when I'd post on a forum. At this point it would be time-consuming for me to figure out how to NOT punctuate correctly. :)
 

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