BigCutieRobyn
Well-Known Member
Ok, I am still pretty new to the boards but this area said bring your own soap box so I just want to rant for a minute.
Growing up I always really struggled with self esteem issues. Thankfully, I have always been told that I have a wonderful personality so I never had a problem making friends. Oddly enough, I wasn't even teased very often as a child because well, there were very few people who didn't like me. Even though no one said it out loud, I still knew I was different from my friends but I always felt that what I lacked in beauty I made up for in brains and personality.
As time went on and as I grew older I became much more confident in who I was. I knew I would never be skinny and honestly no longer had the desire to be. All of these feelings really set in when I dated my first FA. Now most people would think that this would have done wonders for my self esteem, but to be honest, sometimes I wish I had never met him. While he never missed the opportunity to tell me how beautiful he thought I was, I am afraid that is all he saw when he looked at me. Because when he wasn't complimenting my physical aspects he was tearing me down emotionally. I was constantly critisized for my house keeping, my choice of television shows, my choice of friends, my choice of clothing. Nothing ever seemed to be good enough except for my looks. At this point in my life I am right back to where I was in middle school, only this time I feel like all I am is pretty face.
I have a lot of work to do on myself emotionally to recover from the abuse he put me through, because deep down I know I am really not that sucky of a person. I have my flaws just like every other human being but all in all I am pretty proud of who I am today. But I don't ever want to feel as if my looks are the only thing that make me worthwhile.
It occured to me recently that while I had put FA's up on a pedestal for so long, really, you aren't any different than anyone else. Not at all saying that loving someone because of their weight instead of in spite of is a bad thing, but if you have a girl out there that you only care about because she is cuddly then do the right thing and just let it go. Because fat just like skinny can come and go. If she gets sick and loses 100 lbs will you still love her just the same? If you can't answer this question then you are just as shallow as every guy out there that broke up with his girlfriend when she put on a few extra pounds. Ok I think I am done now. I feel much better.
Growing up I always really struggled with self esteem issues. Thankfully, I have always been told that I have a wonderful personality so I never had a problem making friends. Oddly enough, I wasn't even teased very often as a child because well, there were very few people who didn't like me. Even though no one said it out loud, I still knew I was different from my friends but I always felt that what I lacked in beauty I made up for in brains and personality.
As time went on and as I grew older I became much more confident in who I was. I knew I would never be skinny and honestly no longer had the desire to be. All of these feelings really set in when I dated my first FA. Now most people would think that this would have done wonders for my self esteem, but to be honest, sometimes I wish I had never met him. While he never missed the opportunity to tell me how beautiful he thought I was, I am afraid that is all he saw when he looked at me. Because when he wasn't complimenting my physical aspects he was tearing me down emotionally. I was constantly critisized for my house keeping, my choice of television shows, my choice of friends, my choice of clothing. Nothing ever seemed to be good enough except for my looks. At this point in my life I am right back to where I was in middle school, only this time I feel like all I am is pretty face.
I have a lot of work to do on myself emotionally to recover from the abuse he put me through, because deep down I know I am really not that sucky of a person. I have my flaws just like every other human being but all in all I am pretty proud of who I am today. But I don't ever want to feel as if my looks are the only thing that make me worthwhile.
It occured to me recently that while I had put FA's up on a pedestal for so long, really, you aren't any different than anyone else. Not at all saying that loving someone because of their weight instead of in spite of is a bad thing, but if you have a girl out there that you only care about because she is cuddly then do the right thing and just let it go. Because fat just like skinny can come and go. If she gets sick and loses 100 lbs will you still love her just the same? If you can't answer this question then you are just as shallow as every guy out there that broke up with his girlfriend when she put on a few extra pounds. Ok I think I am done now. I feel much better.
