ZainTheInsane
Well-Known Member
What motivates me to continually desire that which I cannot have? What is it about the "Forbidden Fruit" which so appeals to me? I am haunted by the desire for more than what I have, wishing and hoping I will find more, while not working on what I already have received! What pushes me to want a woman who is tall, curvy, pear-shaped and over 350 pounds? What about her makes her appealing? Her physique certainly! Yet when measuring the bounds of a relationship, of a life together, what does that physical desire truly account for? Eventually even the most gorgeous women get old. They change with the passage of time, children, weight, etc etc. Life takes a toll on us all. Yet, that is not the point.
The point of spending your life with someone is beyond just finding a person who is physically attractive to you. It is then about finding a woman who would genetically enhance your own genes? Finding someone who counters your genetic problem areas, and enhances your strengths, giving your offspring a better chance in the world beyond your doorstep? For the same reasons you cannot be with someone solely for their beauty, you cannot expect genetics alone to make a good match. Relationships require more than genetic compatibility, otherwise why not just find someone to donate an egg and get a surrogate, while continuing your life?
Why not then just simply look for someone who is mentally compatible with you? After all, physical appearance will suffer with time, and genetics only assures quality offspring, not a quality of relationship. So why not base a relationship on mental traits instead? Well, first off, most friends fit this description, and if you haven't already dated them for a reason, then perhaps it is still valid. Mental compatibility still assures nothing when it comes to being able to live, work, and play together. It does not take into account the physicality of the body's needs. It also does not account for those annoying little habits which prevent said friends from pushing into the intimate level of companionship. You cannot base a relationship solely on mental characteristics.
So, looking again at what we try to base relationships off of, it seems no wonder so many fail, looking for perfections in a world where none exist, and eventually settling for FAR less than what they were originally looking for, living dreary lives with women who fit none of their true desires, and needs. This is neither fair to man or woman. So find someone you mesh with, someone who is as close to all your desires, wants, needs, etc as you can. Do not settle, do not bargain, do not allow yourself to fall for anything which does not work for you. BUT do not focus solely on any one characteristic, detail, or flaw. Look at the big picture of your life, not the tiny details.
For a woman to fit, she must not only fit one aspect of you, but a multitude of aspects. Much like a puzzle, though two pieces may match, they do not promise that everything else will match in the way in which you expect. Think of it this way, you have half a puzzle, and the woman you seek has the other half. Discover by dating and interaction whether or not you two have the halves of a whole picture, or if you only mesh in small bits and pieces. Once you discover that, then you can move on to either another more fruitful relationship, or continue the one you have, because the pieces finally match...
As for myself, I have all but a few pieces matching, a number so small compared to the massive weight of everything else I wish for in a companion. Yet, are those few differences, those few mismatched pieces truly worth the demise of an already beautiful and fulfilling relationship? By my own criteria and thoughts, no they are not worth the death of something so amazing. But a piece of me still nags me, demanding something more. I have a lovely, amazing woman of 5'6" and 170+ pounds. A blonde beauty who fits nearly every aspect of my puzzle, my life, and makes me happy. Yet the doubts remain. That little voice prodding me, jabbing me, and wanting for more.
Not more in the way of more women or anything so vulgar. More in the respect of a plusher, fuller woman. One who is plump, pear-shaped, and bouncy. Not only does this bother me, but it causes me no end of trouble, because I feel like I am betraying her in some way. Should I feel this way? What do you do as an FA when something like this happens? And how do you deal with the outcome? What if she likes the fuller side of life, but does not want to gain? What if she likes being thin and losing weight? What if it all goes wrong? These are all thoughts floating in my head concerning her and our life together. What should I do next? What should I try? Is there a way to make it all work? If not, am I doomed to be another guy who settles for less? Or could the answer to my questions to her possibly reveal that everything will work out better if I push to tell her all my secrets? Who is ultimately the one who is in denial? And if it isn't her...could I still be in the closet?
Note: I have told her about my preferences/likes/fetishes.
The point of spending your life with someone is beyond just finding a person who is physically attractive to you. It is then about finding a woman who would genetically enhance your own genes? Finding someone who counters your genetic problem areas, and enhances your strengths, giving your offspring a better chance in the world beyond your doorstep? For the same reasons you cannot be with someone solely for their beauty, you cannot expect genetics alone to make a good match. Relationships require more than genetic compatibility, otherwise why not just find someone to donate an egg and get a surrogate, while continuing your life?
Why not then just simply look for someone who is mentally compatible with you? After all, physical appearance will suffer with time, and genetics only assures quality offspring, not a quality of relationship. So why not base a relationship on mental traits instead? Well, first off, most friends fit this description, and if you haven't already dated them for a reason, then perhaps it is still valid. Mental compatibility still assures nothing when it comes to being able to live, work, and play together. It does not take into account the physicality of the body's needs. It also does not account for those annoying little habits which prevent said friends from pushing into the intimate level of companionship. You cannot base a relationship solely on mental characteristics.
So, looking again at what we try to base relationships off of, it seems no wonder so many fail, looking for perfections in a world where none exist, and eventually settling for FAR less than what they were originally looking for, living dreary lives with women who fit none of their true desires, and needs. This is neither fair to man or woman. So find someone you mesh with, someone who is as close to all your desires, wants, needs, etc as you can. Do not settle, do not bargain, do not allow yourself to fall for anything which does not work for you. BUT do not focus solely on any one characteristic, detail, or flaw. Look at the big picture of your life, not the tiny details.
For a woman to fit, she must not only fit one aspect of you, but a multitude of aspects. Much like a puzzle, though two pieces may match, they do not promise that everything else will match in the way in which you expect. Think of it this way, you have half a puzzle, and the woman you seek has the other half. Discover by dating and interaction whether or not you two have the halves of a whole picture, or if you only mesh in small bits and pieces. Once you discover that, then you can move on to either another more fruitful relationship, or continue the one you have, because the pieces finally match...
As for myself, I have all but a few pieces matching, a number so small compared to the massive weight of everything else I wish for in a companion. Yet, are those few differences, those few mismatched pieces truly worth the demise of an already beautiful and fulfilling relationship? By my own criteria and thoughts, no they are not worth the death of something so amazing. But a piece of me still nags me, demanding something more. I have a lovely, amazing woman of 5'6" and 170+ pounds. A blonde beauty who fits nearly every aspect of my puzzle, my life, and makes me happy. Yet the doubts remain. That little voice prodding me, jabbing me, and wanting for more.
Not more in the way of more women or anything so vulgar. More in the respect of a plusher, fuller woman. One who is plump, pear-shaped, and bouncy. Not only does this bother me, but it causes me no end of trouble, because I feel like I am betraying her in some way. Should I feel this way? What do you do as an FA when something like this happens? And how do you deal with the outcome? What if she likes the fuller side of life, but does not want to gain? What if she likes being thin and losing weight? What if it all goes wrong? These are all thoughts floating in my head concerning her and our life together. What should I do next? What should I try? Is there a way to make it all work? If not, am I doomed to be another guy who settles for less? Or could the answer to my questions to her possibly reveal that everything will work out better if I push to tell her all my secrets? Who is ultimately the one who is in denial? And if it isn't her...could I still be in the closet?
Note: I have told her about my preferences/likes/fetishes.
