StarWitness
part square, part drape
The Question, which I would like to specifically direct at other fat women:
Are you reluctant to discuss issues related to being a woman of size with people who aren't other women of size? Why or why not?
The (Hopefully Not TMI) Backstory:
My therapist has been trying to get me to talk directly about my feelings regarding my weight, since I've given peripheral suggestions that it's been an issue I struggle with. The few times we've poked at the subject, I ended up getting really uncomfortable and shutting down.
He mentioned during our last session that he thinks it's a conversation we should have, and I told him straight up that it's not something I want to discuss with him because he can't directly empathize with being a fat woman. (Although I did admit that's somewhat judgmental on my part, since I don't know any personal information about him.) He was pretty shocked, and asked me why. I didn't have an answer, it was just a very strong emotional reaction, but I told him I'd think about it.
I have yet to come up with an explanation that I'm satisfied with. The closest I can come are these two observations:
1. I feel like the cultural default of thin people having a sense of superiority over fat people is so pervasive that it would be intrinsically present in our discussions. I know it sounds horribly cynical, and I know that I'm being unfair to him (and other thin men), but I pretty much expect that he will be fat phobic.
2. He, as a straight (again, assuming), attractive man in my age range, is exactly the kind of person whose judgment I fear with regards to my body.
I realize that my reactions and assumptions are pretty unfair to the thin men out there who sincerely endeavor to be accepting of and empathetic toward fat women. To you, I apologize. It is not my intention to make you feel offended or ostracized. However, this reaction was so strong in me-- and I feel safe in assuming that other fat women on Dims have had similar feelings-- I just felt that it needed to be parsed.
Are you reluctant to discuss issues related to being a woman of size with people who aren't other women of size? Why or why not?
The (Hopefully Not TMI) Backstory:
My therapist has been trying to get me to talk directly about my feelings regarding my weight, since I've given peripheral suggestions that it's been an issue I struggle with. The few times we've poked at the subject, I ended up getting really uncomfortable and shutting down.
He mentioned during our last session that he thinks it's a conversation we should have, and I told him straight up that it's not something I want to discuss with him because he can't directly empathize with being a fat woman. (Although I did admit that's somewhat judgmental on my part, since I don't know any personal information about him.) He was pretty shocked, and asked me why. I didn't have an answer, it was just a very strong emotional reaction, but I told him I'd think about it.
I have yet to come up with an explanation that I'm satisfied with. The closest I can come are these two observations:
1. I feel like the cultural default of thin people having a sense of superiority over fat people is so pervasive that it would be intrinsically present in our discussions. I know it sounds horribly cynical, and I know that I'm being unfair to him (and other thin men), but I pretty much expect that he will be fat phobic.
2. He, as a straight (again, assuming), attractive man in my age range, is exactly the kind of person whose judgment I fear with regards to my body.
I realize that my reactions and assumptions are pretty unfair to the thin men out there who sincerely endeavor to be accepting of and empathetic toward fat women. To you, I apologize. It is not my intention to make you feel offended or ostracized. However, this reaction was so strong in me-- and I feel safe in assuming that other fat women on Dims have had similar feelings-- I just felt that it needed to be parsed.
