The Fa Trap?

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Green Eyed Fairy

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So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status?

I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.
I'm the same way....and if it doesn't earn me some exalted title, then I am okay with that. My preferences go beyond what others want to call me.
 

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So...if someone likes a wide variety does that negate their FA status?

I'm asking because I don't know how it works for men, but for me...I like a little of everything so I don't particularly feel like a FFA. Yet, there are plenty of plump men I'd go out with.
It doesn't negate them being a FA. In my experience, most FAs do have a definite size that they prefer. We did a fairly detailed FA survey many years ago, and found that to be true. We also found that what they liked in fantasy was not necessarily what they went for in real life. And some FAs, while having a definite theoretical preference, may well find happiness with a fairly wide range of sizes. However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.
 

EtobicokeFA

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It doesn't negate them being a FA. In my experience, most FAs do have a definite size that they prefer. We did a fairly detailed FA survey many years ago, and found that to be true. We also found that what they liked in fantasy was not necessarily what they went for in real life. And some FAs, while having a definite theoretical preference, may well find happiness with a fairly wide range of sizes. However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.
Yes you can't always find love, if you restrict the places you look for it. As I said before a good FA, realizes that their soul mate is not going to be exactly like their fantasy, but also that that is alright.

As for defining a FA, I think that anyone that allows themselves to be attracted to a person that is larger that the average, is one, specially if they are dating a BBW/BHM or marries one. Of course, I say this because I believe there are most people out their are find BBW/BHM attract if they allow themselves to.

But, then again it just a label.
 

superodalisque

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See, I have never bought that line. Like, "la de da... hah. I never noticed she weighed 600 pounds. I just like women." Sorry, no go. If a man is a FA he knows and is acutely aware of it from an early age.
i can understand how you might feel that way since it might be your experience. but its not everyone's. not all men are the same kind of FA. also, some men actually come to a liking of fat women late after they experience it for the first time. i have several friends like that. some of them are exclusively FAs and some are not. i don't think its necessarily as intense of a drive for every man. there are lots of elements that go into attraction and a woman's size is only one of them. and maybe for some people size might not be the top issue at all even though they gravitate toward big women. it could be something else entirely that really lights thier rocket to the fullest. i don't think every man is the same, so why should every FA be? guys have their unique personalities and tastes just like anyone else.

besides, he never said that he didn't notice. what he was talking about was the fact that so many people, even those in acceptance, view it as somehow abnormal that a man could be attracted to a fat woman or a thin woman. and also the fact that your commitment is judged by the size of the person you are with. i see that myself as an SSBBW. sometimes i even find it a bit insulting. i always get asked if my guy is an FA and if he isn't people make all kinds of bogus assumptions about what he is about, and who he is as a person.
 

Baba Fats

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As far as I'm concerned, Jennifer Aniston is in no way shape or form chubby and she never has been.
I thought this was common knowledge:

"Though she was landing enough roles to qualify as a working actress – including episodes of Quantum Leap (NBC, 1988-1993), Herman’s Head (Fox, 1991-94) and Burke’s Law (CBS, 1993-95) – by the time she appeared in the widely-rejected film Leprechaun (1993), Aniston was prepared to call it quits. But when an agent suggested she drop 30 pounds – which apparently was preventing her from landing better roles – Aniston decided to continue making the push. Her persistence paid off when in 1994 she landed the role of Rachel Green on a new sitcom called Friends.” - Variety (http://www.variety.com/profiles/people/Biography/31498/Jennifer+Aniston.html?dataSet=1)

"After an agent suggested she lose weight, Aniston shed 30 pounds and won the role of Rachel on Friends (1994-2004)." - Yahoo! Movies (http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800021397/bio)

"Life wasn't all easy for Aniston though. Before getting the role of Rachel Green on Friends, Aniston was told to lose some weight and she did. She lost 30 pounds." - KoolCelebrities.com (http://www.koolcelebrities.com/actress/jennifer_aniston/biography.shtml)

Whether an additional 30 pounds constitutes "slightly chubby" is a matter of opinion, of course. It certainly does in LA. Either way, it doesn't invalidate the premise that women who have lost a certain amount of weight are more attractive to Hollywood (and perhaps the public at large) than women who are naturally thin.

Actresses starve themselves because they won't get good parts if they don't. It has nothing to do with being attractive for the camera. The camera doesn't care. The people behind the scenes put pressure on them to loose weight.
I prefer to believe that those people have some rational motive for hiring semistarved actresses, however warped their logic may be. I concede that I could be wrong. If there are Feeders, then there must also be Starvers, who get off on making women skinny. Those who can't make it through med school might find life behind the cameras almost as exciting.
 

olwen

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Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers. But I'm going to assume that you are just being glib and call it a day.
 

BigBeautifulRed

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It's hard to explain but we just get each other, she is the woman i am supposed to be with i know this. i just wish i had met her 10 years ago!

At the end of the day I love fat girls and my girl is fat but I love her not because she's fat, i love her because she's herself, the fat is a big soft Bonus LOL
I think you have the perfect balanced idea of what it means to be a good man to a beautiful woman. You love her because she is your world and she is everything you ever dreamed of in a soulmate, not so much because she is fat but that is exactly why she is your soulmate because she is your complete dream package. You don't focus on her fat but love her personality first.

Reminds me alot my boyfriend and I's relationship only backwards.

He was an FA, we met online, I had no idea about BBW's of FA's. Infact the first time he told me he like belly's I went and did crunches because I thought he meant abdominals lol. He told me about this world and helped me to learn about it and accept my body. And we were long distance for a year and half before we met.
 

Green Eyed Fairy

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Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers. But I'm going to assume that you are just being glib and call it a day.

I'm a little surprised that an FA would hold women to the same "fat standards" as Hollywood myself.....just saying that not all do.
 

MadeFA

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Being an FA has typecasted me a lot amongst my friends; If we all happen to be out and I start chatting with a woman is thin... even though it is platonic, that will be ample fuel for my friends to make jokes about me all night (not bullying... healthy friends-making-fun-of-friends banter).

With my thinner female friends, if I should happen to tell them that I think they look pretty or something a couple of them have responded with, "so does that mean I've gained weight"?

Oh well, it's part of the territory :)
 

TraciJo67

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However, I am certain that men who have a super-size girlfriend or wife and then say they are neither FAs nor have they ever thought about the matter are not telling the truth.
How about men who married average-sized women who had several children and subsequently gained a few hundred pounds?

My father was married to a super-sized woman and I can assure you, he wasn't an FA. He married a slightly chubby woman. He wasn't at all happy with her subsequent weight gain, although he did love her.

When I met my husband, I weighed little more than 130 pounds. When we married, I was just north of 200. Ten years into the marriage, a few pounds shy of 300. He has a definite preference for "chubby" women, in the 180-200 pound range. He wouldn't identify himself as an FA. More as a man with a preference, but the ability to be attracted to a wide range of sizes, both large and small.

I wish that what you suggest is true, but I don't think that it is. My personal experience, and what I read at trash sites like "fatspouse.com" etc suggests that not all men who are married to fat women are at all happy with that reality. Many others may not prefer a larger size, but can adjust to a different reality.
 

UMBROBOYUM

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Being an FA has typecasted me a lot amongst my friends; If we all happen to be out and I start chatting with a woman is thin... even though it is platonic, that will be ample fuel for my friends to make jokes about me all night (not bullying... healthy friends-making-fun-of-friends banter).

With my thinner female friends, if I should happen to tell them that I think they look pretty or something a couple of them have responded with, "so does that mean I've gained weight"?

Oh well, it's part of the territory :)
I have that same issue , if I say my thin female friends look good, they ask me if they're fat. Everyone knows I'm attracted to fat chicks so they just assume my interpretation of beauty is limited to that. Its not. They assume that because if i point out a thin chick I like, they say "but I thought you like fat chicks? You find thin chicks beautiful too?" I know they mean well, but I'd like a little more consideration than that. MadeFA I think you and I have share a similar situation. Like you said though, its part of the territory. It would be nice if people understood that we have more than just one perception of beauty and/or attraction to others. Anyway your not alone MadeFA.

We should meet up in ny sometime and hang out. :p
 

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I have a preference for tall men with hair, the last guy I was with was short and bald. Am I a traitor to tall men with hair?
 

Baba Fats

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Baba, there is no rational motive for telling an actress who is not fat that she needs to drop 40lbs. Just like there is no rational motive for telling an actress over 35 that the only roles she can look forward to are Mothers.
Are you saying that the only reason for these common practices is pure Evil? I'll agree that it's the result, but I don't think it's the motivation.

I'm a little surprised that an FA would hold women to the same "fat standards" as Hollywood myself.....just saying that not all do.
I'm a little surprised that you didn't notice that I called those standards warped. If there's a unifying message to this thread, it's that all labels are arbitrary. That holds as much for chubbiness as it does for FAdom.

The Hollywood image of female beauty has such a stranglehold on our culture (and the rest of the world) that it even appeals, at some level, to FAs. It's a constant presence in our lives, whether we're consciously aware of it or not. I believe that image has undergone a subtle change in the past few years. Today, superstars are not only expected to be super-skinny, they're also expected to be hungry.

My contention is simply this: a woman who has lost weight has a different body composition, and a different look, than a woman the same size who has never dieted. I think Hollywood is exploiting this difference, so that it can present women on screen who are exceptionally thin but not frighteningly cadaverous. That is the look they're selling, and that is the look that sells. One reason may be its utter artificiality: it's about as natural as footbinding, but the very fact that leading actresses don't have bodies like "real" women may be the key to their appeal -

http://www.pbs.org/howartmadetheworld/episodes/human/

(Even FAs can't be expected to be immune to a "shared biological instinct," especially when it's paired with constant media reinforcement.)

Aniston is one example of this trend. Jessica Alba is another: she admits to having an eating disorder, and claims to come from a family where everyone is fat, so I assume her body was not designed to be as slender as she's made it. Gwen Stefani has spoken candidly about being hungry all the time. She's even put her bulimic longings to music -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nLqLbi8QkQ

These are three of the women that define "sexy" in contemporary America. That's a fact - I'm just reporting it, I don't have to like it. The feature that they all have in common is that they're not just extremely thin, but deliberately and artificially thin. Am I alone in seeing significance in that?

Our society still puts enormous value on extreme slenderness, but we've come to value weight loss even more. Women are expected to prefer other women who've been fatter: we're told that "skinny women are evil," but an Oprah who has before-and-after pictures to show is presented as genuine and trustworthy. (If Aniston didn't have her oft-repeated story of losing 30 pounds, would she have ever been accepted as America's girl next door?) Men, who respond more to visual stimuli, are now being led to admire a hungry body over a thin one. For the sake of those of you who still haven't caught on, I'm not in favor of that trend. I'm just trying to understand it.
 

LalaCity

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My contention is simply this: a woman who has lost weight has a different body composition, and a different look, than a woman the same size who has never dieted. I think Hollywood is exploiting this difference, so that it can present women on screen who are exceptionally thin but not frighteningly cadaverous. That is the look they're selling, and that is the look that sells. One reason may be its utter artificiality: it's about as natural as footbinding, but the very fact that leading actresses don't have bodies like "real" women may be the key to their appeal -
Hmm...I have to say I don't really see any truth to your theory. Every body handles weight gain and loss differently; some people will lose more muscle mass than others, depending on how they dieted and how much exercise they engaged in during weight loss. Some will have noticeable loss of skin elasticity, others will not. I don't think an actress who has lost a small to moderate amount of weight to conform to a Hollywood standard is somehow observably different from a naturally slim actress of the same size who has never lost weight.
 

olwen

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Are you saying that the only reason for these common practices is pure Evil? I'll agree that it's the result, but I don't think it's the motivation.



I'm a little surprised that you didn't notice that I called those standards warped. If there's a unifying message to this thread, it's that all labels are arbitrary. That holds as much for chubbiness as it does for FAdom.

The Hollywood image of female beauty has such a stranglehold on our culture (and the rest of the world) that it even appeals, at some level, to FAs. It's a constant presence in our lives, whether we're consciously aware of it or not. I believe that image has undergone a subtle change in the past few years. Today, superstars are not only expected to be super-skinny, they're also expected to be hungry.

My contention is simply this: a woman who has lost weight has a different body composition, and a different look, than a woman the same size who has never dieted. I think Hollywood is exploiting this difference, so that it can present women on screen who are exceptionally thin but not frighteningly cadaverous. That is the look they're selling, and that is the look that sells. One reason may be its utter artificiality: it's about as natural as footbinding, but the very fact that leading actresses don't have bodies like "real" women may be the key to their appeal -

http://www.pbs.org/howartmadetheworld/episodes/human/

(Even FAs can't be expected to be immune to a "shared biological instinct," especially when it's paired with constant media reinforcement.)

Aniston is one example of this trend. Jessica Alba is another: she admits to having an eating disorder, and claims to come from a family where everyone is fat, so I assume her body was not designed to be as slender as she's made it. Gwen Stefani has spoken candidly about being hungry all the time. She's even put her bulimic longings to music -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nLqLbi8QkQ

These are three of the women that define "sexy" in contemporary America. That's a fact - I'm just reporting it, I don't have to like it. The feature that they all have in common is that they're not just extremely thin, but deliberately and artificially thin. Am I alone in seeing significance in that?

Our society still puts enormous value on extreme slenderness, but we've come to value weight loss even more. Women are expected to prefer other women who've been fatter: we're told that "skinny women are evil," but an Oprah who has before-and-after pictures to show is presented as genuine and trustworthy. (If Aniston didn't have her oft-repeated story of losing 30 pounds, would she have ever been accepted as America's girl next door?) Men, who respond more to visual stimuli, are now being led to admire a hungry body over a thin one. For the sake of those of you who still haven't caught on, I'm not in favor of that trend. I'm just trying to understand it.
I didn't use the word evil and I don't think the motivations involved in getting actresses to loose weight are evil, but rather unrealistic, impractical, and fear based. You are however right about thinness being the thing that sells. But I have to say I've never been told in any way that I'm supposed to idolize the woman who *looses weight*, just the one who *is thin.* How she got that way is irrelevant, and is evidenced by all the dangerous products and bad dieting advice available. Not to mention the advice and treatment that doctors sometimes give their fat patients.

Body shapes vary too widely for your theory to be true. What if the person is my size and has lost weight? How can you tell I hadn't always been the smaller size just by looking at me? You can't, and you wouldn't know how much bigger I'd been either. How can you tell that a very thin woman is that size as a result of an illness or genetics or dieting? You can't. So what you're saying makes no sense.

Your reading of this phenomenon is kind of interesting tho, and I get why you would want to try to find some rational reason for why women are encouraged to be so thin, but I'm afraid your reasons don't hold up for me, and I think you need to dig deeper...If I were to put a reason to it, I'd be more inclined to think that it has more to do with how men have dealt with the growing power of women since the second wave of feminism (right around the time that TVs began to appear in everyone's homes) than a mere desire to look good for the camera.

I also think that part of your argument is a justification for closeted FA behavior. It's like you're saying well, if there is so much pressure to be thin and so much pressure to prefer thinness then how can you blame a guy for buying into it and denying how he might otherwise feel? I don't agree with that or buy it. I'm also beginning to tire of terms like "real woman." A real woman is a certain size, but a real man behaves a certain way. It's just another ridiculous double standard. A real woman is a stand up kinda person regardless of her size.
 
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