The unofficial Dad Joke Thread

[CPProp]

I made a German sausage sandwich for my lunch – it’s was the wurst sandwich I’ve had in a long time

 

[CPProp]

I was fired today - I left at 844 m/s

 

[RVGleason]

Did you put the cat out?

No, I didn’t know it was on fire!

 

[RVGleason]

How do you start a turtle race?

Say “Go!”

 

[RVGleason]

 

[Joker]

I tried taking my dog Jack out to use the bathroom the other night, but it was so dark
I couldn't see Jack shit.

 

[RVGleason]

 

[Joker]

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

 

[RVGleason]

 

[Joker]

next

 

[RVGleason]

Hay There!

 

[Joker]

BREAKING NEWS:
A man was admitted to the hospital this afternoon with 25 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors describe his condition as stable.

 

[Joker]

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

 

[Joker]

Where do chips go drinking on Saturday night?
A Pringles bar.

 

[RVGleason]