Hi, all. It's been a long time since I last posted, as usual. I was hoping to get a bit of advice from anyone here who either has knowledge about or experience with eating disorders. I can't believe I'm about to do this, but here goes:
I'm 25 years old and weigh 313 pounds. I've been battling Anorexia with sporadic ventures into purging (but not binging) for 13 years. Yes, I said Anorexia. Apparently, this is incredibly difficult for most to believe due to my size, but after two dismissing doctors and years of self-abuse, I'm finally seeing a psychologist who is helping me. I'm just embarking on the journey of actually eating enough and eating with regularity-- eating "healthy" foods has never been a problem for me.
I am terrified this post is going to get the hell flamed out of it, but I figure I may as well be honest. I feel mixed up as hell about the treatment. I am fat, and I know it doesn't follow the prescribed set of symptoms, but I'm ok with that. I just don't want to gain any weight right now, and I'm really freaking out that this regular eating plan is going to make me balloon. I just can't handle that emotionally right now. To make matters even more strange, I'm a FFA. My girlfriend is fat-- I think she's breathtakingly beautiful, and she's been incredibly supportive of me getting healthy. She doesn't care whether I gain or lose weight in that process, and I know that takes a tremendous pressure off of me, but I still feel a personal pressure not to gain weight to maintain my illusion of control.
For a long time I have felt like my struggle lacked validity because of my size, and now, there it is in my chart, and I don't know whether to feel sick or relieved.
So, all that said, I guess I'm just looking for resources, anecdotes from other fatties who have been through it, etc. I've been reading, but really, the generally accepted "fact" is that you're not Anorexic unless you're thin. I swear, if I have to read any more of that crap, I'm going to lose it.
Thanks for listening if you made it this far.
I'm 25 years old and weigh 313 pounds. I've been battling Anorexia with sporadic ventures into purging (but not binging) for 13 years. Yes, I said Anorexia. Apparently, this is incredibly difficult for most to believe due to my size, but after two dismissing doctors and years of self-abuse, I'm finally seeing a psychologist who is helping me. I'm just embarking on the journey of actually eating enough and eating with regularity-- eating "healthy" foods has never been a problem for me.
I am terrified this post is going to get the hell flamed out of it, but I figure I may as well be honest. I feel mixed up as hell about the treatment. I am fat, and I know it doesn't follow the prescribed set of symptoms, but I'm ok with that. I just don't want to gain any weight right now, and I'm really freaking out that this regular eating plan is going to make me balloon. I just can't handle that emotionally right now. To make matters even more strange, I'm a FFA. My girlfriend is fat-- I think she's breathtakingly beautiful, and she's been incredibly supportive of me getting healthy. She doesn't care whether I gain or lose weight in that process, and I know that takes a tremendous pressure off of me, but I still feel a personal pressure not to gain weight to maintain my illusion of control.
For a long time I have felt like my struggle lacked validity because of my size, and now, there it is in my chart, and I don't know whether to feel sick or relieved.
So, all that said, I guess I'm just looking for resources, anecdotes from other fatties who have been through it, etc. I've been reading, but really, the generally accepted "fact" is that you're not Anorexic unless you're thin. I swear, if I have to read any more of that crap, I'm going to lose it.
Thanks for listening if you made it this far.
