Littleghost
Oh, Frickenstein.
(I suppose this is on the heels of the "Ambivalence" thread, but not completely related and with the way my mind works, who knows? 
)
This morning I was remembering one of the few astute observations by my father when I was a teenager: that I noticed fat girls often and liked them. It wasn't something I kept hidden then, just that I wasn't particularly vocal about it or dating anyone back then. I've never been terribly expressive about any subject, especially with him, so it pretty much fell on him to put it all together.
Anyways, the inevitable question of 'Why?' came up. I gave a few ready-made answers and a few off-the-cuff, but nothing satisfied him or made sense to him. The impression I've gotten from him and others seems that there must be a simple logical explanation in order to counteract(?) their perception of it being so irrational. ( Along with all the aesthetic reasons, I said part of it was possibly somewhat genetic. "But no-one in our family is fat." :doh
I've given a few of those answers for other random people since then, to about the same neutral confused affect at best. And I suppose all along I knew that it was for their benefit and dependent on them for understanding.
Yesterday though, I was thinking a bit more about how other people need a reason to explain the 'divergence from the norm' and my reasons, and I realized that they hadn't satisfied me a long time for a different reason. They really didn't matter to me. Whether it was/is preference, psychology, genetics, I'm loopy (only kidding) a combination or something else, it's really just a rationalization.
For whatever reason may be true, it honestly doesn't change the outcome, they're simply just background details and not the 'driving force'. Just like labels and expectations, I suppose reasons that even we ourselves give can restrain us. And the conscious realization of something that I've known all along, that I don't need or want these excuses as I see them, can make a thing all the more strong. I guess if people feel they need them, that's their own personal strength and comfort. But to me knowing that I don't have to explain it to myself is quite a reassurance. Just a thought.
)This morning I was remembering one of the few astute observations by my father when I was a teenager: that I noticed fat girls often and liked them. It wasn't something I kept hidden then, just that I wasn't particularly vocal about it or dating anyone back then. I've never been terribly expressive about any subject, especially with him, so it pretty much fell on him to put it all together.
Anyways, the inevitable question of 'Why?' came up. I gave a few ready-made answers and a few off-the-cuff, but nothing satisfied him or made sense to him. The impression I've gotten from him and others seems that there must be a simple logical explanation in order to counteract(?) their perception of it being so irrational. ( Along with all the aesthetic reasons, I said part of it was possibly somewhat genetic. "But no-one in our family is fat." :doh
I've given a few of those answers for other random people since then, to about the same neutral confused affect at best. And I suppose all along I knew that it was for their benefit and dependent on them for understanding.
Yesterday though, I was thinking a bit more about how other people need a reason to explain the 'divergence from the norm' and my reasons, and I realized that they hadn't satisfied me a long time for a different reason. They really didn't matter to me. Whether it was/is preference, psychology, genetics, I'm loopy (only kidding
) a combination or something else, it's really just a rationalization.For whatever reason may be true, it honestly doesn't change the outcome, they're simply just background details and not the 'driving force'. Just like labels and expectations, I suppose reasons that even we ourselves give can restrain us. And the conscious realization of something that I've known all along, that I don't need or want these excuses as I see them, can make a thing all the more strong. I guess if people feel they need them, that's their own personal strength and comfort. But to me knowing that I don't have to explain it to myself is quite a reassurance. Just a thought.
