Are you worth date?

Discussion in 'Fat in the Media' started by superodalisque, Jan 21, 2014.

  1. Jan 21, 2014 #1

    superodalisque

    superodalisque

    superodalisque

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2006
    Messages:
    7,574
    Likes Received:
    1,060
    Location:
    ,
    it's typical for everyone to keep things very casual. no one seems to want to make demands on anybody, especially women. but really and truly do fat people feel they are actually worth a date?
     
  2. Jan 21, 2014 #2

    penguin

    penguin

    penguin

    Fnord

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    5,253
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    You want us to speak for all fat people everywhere?
     
  3. Jan 21, 2014 #3

    Dromond

    Dromond

    Dromond

    Old school

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2007
    Messages:
    7,359
    Likes Received:
    1,062
    Location:
    https://www.facebook.com/john.m.pedigo, M
    I thought we were all individuals.
     
  4. Jan 21, 2014 #4

    Yakatori

    Yakatori

    Yakatori

    Hard to say, really...

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2011
    Messages:
    2,407
    Likes Received:
    318
    Location:
    ,
    And then, in aggregate, we'll get a better sense of the broader complexion of what type of vibe others might be getting from fats across the board. Which might, at some level, account for how we're all treated.

    For my part, I would say I am worth "a date." For many. But much more than that for a smaller & more selective group. But, it's necessarily conditional, based on a person's appreciation of what I have to offer. If they don't "get" me, then it's sort of like a person who really wants a Toyota Camry winding up having to drive a Kettenkraftrad. Fun, yes; makes for an interesting story. But not a long-term solution.

    But, as you (superodalisque) suggest, more and more of us (people-in general) are beginning to see ourselves like this. Especially as we get older. i.e. We're becoming that much more selective...just as our range of selection narrows. And seem to be totally fine with it, even if that works out to being alone in lieu of having to deal-with anyone else.
     
  5. Jan 21, 2014 #5

    penguin

    penguin

    penguin

    Fnord

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    5,253
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Nope. We are Borg. Assimilation is achieved through eating each other. We are one.

    I get that SuperO is probably trying to stir up some conversation, but topics like this piss me off. They're not asking if we think that we are worthy, or what journey our self esteem has taken, but how all of fat-kind think and operate, like we're one beast. Questions like these are also filled with ridiculous, unproved statements such as "it's typical for everyone to keep things very casual." Really? Throw me some references.

    I am worth dating. I am not everyone's cup of tea, but I'm someone's cup of coffee. I'm not perfect, but I don't look for perfection. When I was younger, I thought I wouldn't be able to get what I wanted and needed, and should settle for whatever I got, douchebag or not. I no longer feel that way. I'm worth it.
     
    musicman and Extinctor100 like this.
  6. Jan 21, 2014 #6

    Blackjack

    Blackjack

    Blackjack

    Fupa Troopa

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,932
    Likes Received:
    1,926
    Location:
    ,
    Clearly the opinion of any member in a community is indicative of the opinions of all members in that community, no matter what it is that brings the members of that community together or in what manner they disagree on anything else.
     
  7. Jan 21, 2014 #7

    CurvaceousBBWLover

    CurvaceousBBWLover

    CurvaceousBBWLover

    Primordial

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    1,907
    Likes Received:
    150
    Location:
    ThePrimordial Emory,
    As always, Superodalisque is initiating great topics of discussion. I think BBWs and BHMs are worth dating; the question is whether they are willing to abandon their computers and leave their houses in order to be dated.



     
    Shosh likes this.
  8. Jan 21, 2014 #8

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    Clowns Fear Me

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    4,915
    Likes Received:
    318
    Location:
    ,
    Well said :)

     
  9. Jan 21, 2014 #9

    Shosh

    Shosh

    Shosh

    Susannah

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2006
    Messages:
    9,528
    Likes Received:
    1,272
    Location:
    ,
    Why do people feel the need to be mean about Felecia's post? She is just putting a question out there for discussion. She did not give her personal opinion.
    I often see her get picked on here, and it is not very nice at all.

    I do feel worthy to date. As a woman in my 40's I am very comfortable in my skin, and at peace with who I am.

    I probably could not have said that in my 20's.
     
    Ms Charlotte BBW likes this.
  10. Jan 21, 2014 #10

    tonynyc

    tonynyc

    tonynyc

    Slow Dance Aficionado

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    9,651
    Likes Received:
    1,077
    Location:
    ,
    The question is open to various points of interpretation and only SuperO can clarify that ;but... One way to look at it

    1. to go through a self -assessment at some point is a good thing - not only for relationships ;but, career, goals any specific issue that one is confronted with.






    The question is not so much whether one should abandon their computers- but, to develop the necessary social skills and awareness of dating larger people.


     
  11. Jan 21, 2014 #11

    Dromond

    Dromond

    Dromond

    Old school

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2007
    Messages:
    7,359
    Likes Received:
    1,062
    Location:
    https://www.facebook.com/john.m.pedigo, M
    I like SuperO a lot, but this sort of question leaves me cold. Blanket statements just tossed out as discussion fodder are tiresome, and not typical of her. She's usually much more articulate than that.
     
  12. Jan 21, 2014 #12

    tonynyc

    tonynyc

    tonynyc

    Slow Dance Aficionado

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2005
    Messages:
    9,651
    Likes Received:
    1,077
    Location:
    ,
    Well it's a blanket statement (open to a variety of interpretations) - and unless you are going to have some sort of a anonymous survey - you may not get the detailed answers you want AND it depends how individuals feel.

    One could ask the question of SuperO to provide clarification
     
  13. Jan 21, 2014 #13

    Ms Charlotte BBW

    Ms Charlotte BBW

    Ms Charlotte BBW

    Fantasy Land

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2013
    Messages:
    1,180
    Likes Received:
    114
    Location:
    ,
    From personal experience, I have to agree with Shosh. Now at the age of 43, I certainly feel worth a date. I am just as good, pretty, attractive, nice, etc. (if not better!) than any skinny girl out there. Now had this question been asked to me in my younger years, I would have said no, since I wasn't comfortable in my own skin back then.
     
  14. Jan 21, 2014 #14

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    snuggletiger

    Clowns Fear Me

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    4,915
    Likes Received:
    318
    Location:
    ,
    Its nice to see people grow and evolve into being happy.
     
  15. Jan 21, 2014 #15

    Mathias

    Mathias

    Mathias

    SAMCRO

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    6,584
    Likes Received:
    845
    Location:
    ,
    I can't imagine why anyone would answer no to this question. Also, fat or thin, everyone is deserving of a date.
     
  16. Jan 21, 2014 #16

    penguin

    penguin

    penguin

    Fnord

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2010
    Messages:
    5,253
    Likes Received:
    1,034
    Way to assume that every fat person is a recluse, slothful, and lives on their computer 24/7. It's not like they're people and have like, personalities or lives or anything.

    Because this was her question:

    It's not a good question. It's a broad, sweeping generalisation where we're meant to answer for all of fatkind, like we're hive-minded beasts. Your experiences are not mine, just like mine aren't yours. The question would have been better phrased asking for individual experiences and insight, such as "Do you feel that your weight and/or appearance has impacted your date-ability?" Not "Tell me what all fat people have felt, because you're all clones."

    It is, and it's necessary. We are constantly evolving, so looking back at how we were, and looking forward to how we want to be, are important.


    Yes, everyone is deserving of a date. I know that when I was younger, I never thought I was deserving of the good stuff. I thought I would just have to settle for what I was given, because "no one likes fat chicks" - which is the message I got repeatedly. I know many here have felt the same, and also that many here didn't grow up with that message. The influence of friends, family, the media, and society in general can beat us down until we think we're not allowed to ask for what we want, because no one's going to want us enough to give it to us.

    I got past that, thankfully.
     
  17. Jan 21, 2014 #17

    EMH1701

    EMH1701

    EMH1701

    Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2010
    Messages:
    1,568
    Likes Received:
    110
    Location:
    ,
    I am absolutely worth a date. I don't know about how everyone else wants to rate themselves, so I will only speak for me. I am worth a date. :)
     
  18. Jan 21, 2014 #18

    Blackjack

    Blackjack

    Blackjack

    Fupa Troopa

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,932
    Likes Received:
    1,926
    Location:
    ,
    "Fat people would be so dateable if they actually left the house ever. You never see them in public, only in their natural habitat bathed in the glow of a monitor."
     
    CurvaceousBBWLover likes this.
  19. Jan 21, 2014 #19

    Jah

    Jah

    Jah

    Veggie girl

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2007
    Messages:
    830
    Likes Received:
    65
    Location:
    https://www.facebook.com/candice.brown.71404,
    I think everyone is worthy of dating. I think as a mentally ill person that dating can be somewhat difficult for me, however I've been married for 10 years so I guess I must be worthy somehow.
     
  20. Jan 22, 2014 #20

    Yakatori

    Yakatori

    Yakatori

    Hard to say, really...

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2011
    Messages:
    2,407
    Likes Received:
    318
    Location:
    ,
    There are times or points in my life when I've felt like I am probably not the best deal out there for someone looking to explore....what's out there. And I don't think everyone, necessarily, is deserving of "a date." I mean, frankly, some of us (and indeed some people-in general) should probably NOT be dating. For their own sake and the sake of others. Hmm..I guess it sort of depends on what we actually mean by the term "date." (As if we could all universally agree on that.) To me, implied in the term "date" is a degree of open-endedness. That, necessarily, things might progress in any number of ways depending on "how it goes." If the outcome is expressly predetermined, ie. "We're not going to see each other ever again after this," then that's not really...it doesn't quite fit into how I think most people imagine such an experience.

    I'm open to that you guys know her a bit better than I, but I didn't really take it in quite that way. The first part, I think -is- part of the intended question. But in the second, I sense that she's more pointing to how...in a group...the behavior and mindset of other fellow members can inform how any of us are treated by outsiders. Which is, fairly-I think, an observation that arouses some controversy. (In so many ways, not least of which for how it might seem to take responsibility or moral agency away from the people who are actively engaged in said treatment only to put it onto those who're otherwise-bystanders, but for their being part of said group)

    Another issue seems to hinges on the interpretation of the word "typical;" which, on my research of the definition, first supports what I think is your reading of it, as in (sort of paraphrasing here): 'not merely 'normal' but indicative of a 'type.' As in the "let's-keep-it-casual-thing" is somehow, but particularly-so, an experience more common to fat people. But I'm not so sure if that's really what she meant. Because I'm, myself, inclined to think otherwise, that's more of an...across-the-board modern-world type of phenomenon. Albeit one that some fat people might internalize a bit differently, ie. "This is happening.....because I'm fat." Which, frankly, I'm inclined to think -is- typical. But I mainly suspect-so based on what I see in threads here. And, of course, my own personal interactions with both fat-people & people-in-general.
     

Share This Page