Childless By Choice

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Ash

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Don't stress. When you are ready, then you can have them. At some point that biological clock would tick like crazy.

I'm 26 right now in a serious relationship and it's ticking--but I don't want any right now--I'm busy in school taking some teaching courses. If I want a kid, I have to do it before age 35, I don't want my child coming out with defects.

You shouldn't be forced to have kids when you are not ready. Kids demand the ultimate attention.
I think the whole point of this thread is that it's OK to never want kids and to deny that a "biological clock" has anything to do with it. I don't think anyone in this thread is merely saying "I'm not ready."

Also, plenty of women over the age of 35 have healthy babies.
 

fatgirlflyin

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I think the whole point of this thread is that it's OK to never want kids and to deny that a "biological clock" has anything to do with it. I don't think anyone in this thread is merely saying "I'm not ready."

Also, plenty of women over the age of 35 have healthy babies.
I have a lot of respect for people who know that they don't want kids and take the steps needed to make sure that they don't have them. Raising a child is a huge, life-changing responsibility and no one should be faced with shouldering that responsibility unless its one that they want.
 

KittyKitten

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I think the whole point of this thread is that it's OK to never want kids and to deny that a "biological clock" has anything to do with it. I don't think anyone in this thread is merely saying "I'm not ready."

Also, plenty of women over the age of 35 have healthy babies.

That's fine, kids are not for everybody. Everyone is not meant to have kids. I'm a strong believer in not forcing people to do what they don't want to do. Besides, someone else in the family can carry down the family name.

Sure, women can have kids over 35, but that risk of defects is very high. I'm not taking that chance.

 

Saoirse

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Im not into the whole pregnancy thing either.

My mom is just yearning for a grandbaby. She talks about it with me and my older (single, childless and wanting to stay that way) brother. Then she tells me that when (if!!) I get married, I'll change my mind... and that may very well happen, but as of right now- I dont want kids!

Its not that I dont like kids... its just that I like animals better :p

However, I have decided that if I ever became the a parent (by adoption!) I would name them Ioan and Saoirse. :D
 

Carrie

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I agree that "why aren't you planning to have kids?" is quite a personal/bordering on outright rude question to ask a person, but unfortunately, it doesn't surprise me at all that people ask it anyway. Pregnancy in general is seen as such a public domain kind of topic that people feel okay asking a total stranger if they can feel her pregnant belly. It kind of boggles my mind, that.
 

crayola box

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That's fine, kids are not for everybody. Everyone is not meant to have kids. I'm a strong believer in not forcing people to do what they don't want to do. Besides, someone else in the family can carry down the family name.

Sure, women can have kids over 35, but that risk of defects is very high. I'm not taking that chance.


I wasn't going to chime in on this thread because I personally haven't yet made the decision- seems like it would be jumping the gun seeing as I am not in a relationship at the moment. (though that's just me, not criticizing anyone who knows what they want ahead of time) Though, I fully support people who don't want to have children, its your decision and you don't owe anyone an explanation about it. That being said, while I am sure it was not intended as offensive the above quote left me bothered. I am having trouble putting my finger on it, and even more trouble articulating it but I think it has to do with families and societies preferring a male heir because they carry on the family name and all that entails as opposed to female children who married into their husbands family. Obviously this is not usually the case anymore but somehow the above seems like one of those notions left over from that era...if that makes sense. Again I am sure its not what you were implying and I am in no way putting words in your mouth, that's just how it struck me.
 

BBW Betty

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No, that's when they take it upon themselves to ratchet up their concern. When hubby & I learned we couldn't have children, we weren't particularly upset. Childless was perfectly fine, and in a way we were glad the decision had been made for us. What did annoy us were the well-meaning people who kept telling us about fertility treatments, and of course, "you can always adopt!" No, really, we're fine. It took only a decade or two for people to see that being childless worked really well for us. We like children, and it's a lot of fun at family gatherings when the little kiddos love to sit in their big fat Aunt Sue's lap. Then they get down and go home. :D

As to co-worker conversations, my favorite went something like this:
Co-worker: "Isn't that the most beautiful baby in the world?"
Me: "What? My mother said I was the most beautiful baby in the world." ;)
This is a post I can relate to. While I'm 40, and anything is possible, Frank and I have pretty much accepted that it probably won't happen for us, what with my PCOS and doctors refusing to prescribe fertility drugs until I lose weight.... Anyway, with accepting the childless state, I've come to appreciate things not possible if we had become parents. We are freer to do things we want to do without having to consider the logistics of travelling with babies and all their accessories. We'll never be wealthy, but money is easier than it would be with kids, as well. I love my nieces and nephews, but it's nice to give them back to my sister after spending a little quality time with them.
 

steely

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I know myself well enough to know that children are not a good choice for me. While I don't paricularly care for chidren, I don't wish them harm, well maybe the two that were screaming the last time Harold and I went to dinner. My own background and the examples of my siblings have convinced my I have made the right choice for me.

I have little patience, less tolerance and come from a family of abuse. I have no regrets. None.
 

ByRoSwim

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I knew I didnt want kids when I was 13. Deep in my heart and soul, I just KNEW IT. I never had that maternal instinct, never really liked kids. I could tolerate them for a brief period of time but that is it.

I have 5 neices and nephews. I was a wonderful aunt, made the girls matching Christmas dresses, always had fun with them but I knew they would go home after a while. I was never interested in "oooooing and ahhhhing" over babies. I was rather indifferent and glad I didn't have to take the baby home.

My clock was never ticking. I am perfectly happy with no kids in my life. I can go where i want, do what i want and spend my money on me. Some people think that is selfish, I don't. I think it's selfish to have kids when you really dont want to just because you think you should, does that make sense?

However, all that being said, I will aways stand inbetween a child and danger. Whether it is an animal or a stranger. I would never allow a child to be hurt, if I can help it. Anyway, our choices should be respected.
 

Flutterby68

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When someone brings up when you're going to have kids, you look at them with a stunned expression and say "I don't know why you think that my reproductive choices are any of your business." Then when you get any other comments, you use that same line - repeatedly if necessary.
 

comaseason

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However, all that being said, I will aways stand inbetween a child and danger. Whether it is an animal or a stranger. I would never allow a child to be hurt, if I can help it. Anyway, our choices should be respected.
I wanted to quote this because it's exactly how I feel.
 

StarWitness

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I have no intention of having children, nor have I ever. In terms of caretaking, cats are my limit.
 

Tina

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I have a lot of friends who are, as they call it, "child-free," and I can respect that. Being someone who is totally for a woman's right to do as she pleases with her reproductive system, I think it's great that a woman knows what she does, and doesn't want. There are enough unwanted children in the world, so let the people who want children have them and the ones who don't want children take steps to prevent having them. Where's the rule that any and every couple has to have kids anyway?
 

Shosh

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Goof you are a lovely person, and you seem happy with your husband and your cat.
It is nobody's business but your own!

I understand about the whole condesending mothers thing.
Some women try to make you feel less of a woman if you do not have children.

A few weeks ago I came across a child who had been left unattended in a car. The mother was nowhere to be found.
I of course stayed with the child until the mother returned some 15 minutes later.
When I confronted her about it, she said she had to do errands, and that it was too hard to take the child with her.
I was horrified, as anything could have happened. I told her so also.
The woman then said " Do you have children? How would you know what it is like?"
I was stunned.
One does not have to have children to know that leaving them unattended in a car is something that should NEVER happen.
Such an asshole this woman was. A condesending mother.:rolleyes:

I get asked if I am going to have children. At one time I thought that I might, but I am not well enough to. It would be too much for me to physically and emotionally handle.
That fact does not make me less of a woman.

I am fine about it now. I love my freedom and my peace and quiet!
I get to be an Auntie to Gigi and Marcus, and my other nephews and nieces and that is enough.

Goof your life is just perfect as it is.
 

fatgirlflyin

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I can't seem to keep my bathroom smelling clean with 2 cats. Good luck with 20 lol!
Haha, yes, I feel this way too. I don't want to be a cat lady like the unmarried kind.. I want to convince my boyfriend to be like.. a cat couple.. 10 cats each.
 

velia

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Co-worker: "You went over when Amy brought in her puppy."
Me: "Well yeah, it's a puppy."
Laura this made me laugh outright. :)

I'm also a card-carrying non-breeder, and I dislike when people ask me why. I feel like it's a personal decision that I shouldn't have to justify.
It makes my blood boil when people are rude enough to question your decision not to procreate-- as though you're doing something wrong. Gah.

Whenever I say I don't want kids people always say something along the lines of, oh you're young sweetheart.. you don't GET it yet.
I've never heard this one before, but it's infuriating. I'm not quite sure what the motivation of saying that would be. "Oh, sweetheart, you're young. You'll outgrow your childish desire not to have children even if you don't ever really want them." Whatever. While I can't say you'll never change your mind, I have plenty of friends and relatives who decided kids weren't for them in their early teens and never regretted it.


Goof you are a lovely person, and you seem happy with your husband and your cat.
It is nobody's business but your own!

I understand about the whole condesending mothers thing.
Some women try to make you feel less of a woman if you do not have children.

A few weeks ago I came across a child who had been left unattended in a car. The mother was nowhere to be found.
I of course stayed with the child until the mother returned some 15 minutes later.
When I confronted her about it, she said she had to do errands, and that it was too hard to take the child with her.
I was horrified, as anything could have happened. I told her so also.
The woman then said " Do you have children? How would you know what it is like?"
I was stunned.
One does not have to have children to know that leaving them unattended in a car is something that should NEVER happen.
Such an asshole this woman was. A condesending mother.:rolleyes:

I get asked if I am going to have children. At one time I thought that I might, but I am not well enough to. It would be too much for me to physically and emotionally handle.
That fact does not make me less of a woman.

I am fine about it now. I love my freedom and my peace and quiet!
I get to be an Auntie to Gigi and Marcus, and my other nephews and nieces and that is enough.

Goof your life is just perfect as it is.
Shosh, that is horrific! I can't believe some people.

Goof, you have every right to say whatever you want to these people. I have one child, but that doesn't mean I or any other "breeder" has the right to ask you probing personal questions or assert their opinion on your reproductive choices.

I totally understand that there are some situations in which you must maintain total civility. However, when it comes to women who choose to be condescending about the fact that you don't have children, tell those uppity wenches where to shove it! Good luck to you. Children or no, you are every bit as smart, responsible, and busy as any other woman.
 

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