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From FA to Gainer: Making Sense of Fat Sexuality

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Benny Mon

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I'm pretty much a lifelong FA. I always have been (and still am) interested in women who love to eat and get fatter and fatter, but I'd never been interested in that for myself. I've been a pretty thin guy with a moderate appetite and didn't dream of living life any differently.

Things changed about a year ago. I realized I'd put on a bit of weight lately, and for whatever reason, for the first time, the idea of gaining more on purpose was intriguing, tantalizing. So I dipped my toe in and haven't looked back since. I've stuck to it better some months than others, but overall I've gained over 30 lbs since last October and only want to keep going. I can no longer call myself a pretty thin guy, with my growing gut and my softer limbs, with the double chin that's slowly appearing under my face. Physically and psychologically, it's a big transformation that doesn't show any signs of slowing down or stopping.

I've having a great time and not looking for anyone to dissuade me from this path, but I am puzzled by it and trying to make sense of it. Some people might not dig deeper, treating sexuality as a mysterious, inscrutable thing that does what it does for its own reasons. And maybe that's all there is to it: maybe some random and meaningless shift in my hormones and synaptic firings spread the appeal of gaining for me from others to myself. But I can't help but try to find more meaning in it. Sometimes I wonder if it's a coping mechanism, a titillating distraction from the stress and anxiety of the last year that wouldn't have the same hold on me under different circumstances. Sometimes I wonder if it's coping of a different kind--I haven't been with a partner who's gaining weight for years, and maybe the frustration of missing that is discharging itself but shifting the responsibility for gaining onto my own body. And maybe this in fact is a deep-seated desire that I've only had the self-awareness to recognize and embrace in the last year or so. After all, I have clear memories of stuffing my shirt with pillows as a kid.

Maybe it's all of these things, maybe it's none of them. Who knows. But I think it's fun to think about it, and I'm curious what you think, especially about how you do or don't make meaning out of your own fat sexuality. I'm interested in getting past "born this way" narratives about feedism (which I don't doubt are true for many people!) and into the meanings we read into this fetish, whether or not we were born with it, and whether or not it's changed over time.
 

SchubbyBelly93

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I feel much the same way. I've been into big bellies and curvy hips for as long as i can remember. I am also a thinner guy who's put on some lockdown weight and I don't hate it either.

I've loved watching my wife put on a few pounds over the years but was never that attached to the idea of doing it myself. Maybe social stigma got to me, maybe It was because of sports and being active in high school and university, I just remained thin my whole life without really trying.

Interestingly enough however I have a single vivid memory from around the onset of puberty. I was suddenly attracted to the idea of being bigger and just letting loose, eat whatever I felt like and not worry about the calories. When i dig deeper to my childhood memories, I too stuffed my shirt with pillows and just hung out in my room pretending to be fat. Looking back now I don't really know why I did it, it just felt good.

Your comment about projecting what you wish to see in others onto yourself is interesting. I'm thinking of the feelings i had about clothes stuffing when i was a kid, and comparing it to what I feel now with some, lets say 'quarantine softness', on my actual body. The deep-seated desire part makes sense to me as this is something thats been in my head for as long as i can remember.

Thanks for the compelling post and it sounds like we have a lot in common.
 

extra_m13

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i feel like i can make a contribution here. being an FA i have encouraged any lady i have cared about (aside family members) to gain weight with some success at it. even if temporary. if you have it you cannot really fake it. i like for a lot of reasons, to witness a gain and to be with a chubby girl. but personally i have never been into me getting bigger, i feel bloated, slow, and that may be hippocrite i know but it is just the way it is. i like to wake up early, go for a run and then come back to feed my obese lady
 

Benny Mon

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Your comment about projecting what you wish to see in others onto yourself is interesting. I'm thinking of the feelings i had about clothes stuffing when i was a kid, and comparing it to what I feel now with some, lets say 'quarantine softness', on my actual body. The deep-seated desire part makes sense to me as this is something thats been in my head for as long as i can remember.
Yeah, when you put it this way, maybe it's all a lot simpler than I'm making it out to be: maybe I've always been inclined to gaining, and the FA tendencies were a repressed, transformed expression of that desire? Or maybe I've just into anyone being fat, me and everybody else, and exploring different parts of that space in different ways over time. Who knows, but in your case as in mine, it all clearly runs deep!

Some FA/Feeder do have repressed Feedee/Feedist tendencies. Some of them out of frustration, have acted on themselves, due to not being able to find a feedee/feedist.
I do think this is part of it. If you can't find a partner who's into it, you might pursue it through the only person for whom you make all the decisions--yourself! I find, too, that it's almost like removing the middle-(wo)man. So much of what I love about others gaining weight is watching them abandon themselves to appetite and desire, and so to give into those things myself sometimes feel even more immediate and intense.

i feel like i can make a contribution here. being an FA i have encouraged any lady i have cared about (aside family members) to gain weight with some success at it. even if temporary. if you have it you cannot really fake it. i like for a lot of reasons, to witness a gain and to be with a chubby girl. but personally i have never been into me getting bigger, i feel bloated, slow, and that may be hippocrite i know but it is just the way it is. i like to wake up early, go for a run and then come back to feed my obese lady
You make a good point: some people are just FAs, and some people are just gainers. There's no universal law or tendency here. That said, I do think sexuality is a fluid and flexible thing, and I think there are some people who aren't born feedists but find their way to it later on. Of course, that's easier done if you're already an FA and become a gainer, or vice versa.
 

kilo riley

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I think when it comes to kinks you start off with sort of a basic understanding of what attracts you to the kink. It's not exactly a blank slate but you only really have the seeds of the kink and its unclear how they will grow. So with fat fetishism/feedism you may be initially excited by the aesthetics of fat and what weight gain does to a woman's body (makes them juggle more, makes them more imposing etc). But over time and with experience (either real life or just talking out the fetish) the kink evolves. Then you may realize that it had always been rooted in something else, maybe domination and submission or maybe humiliation.

I started off as a feeder but I've also always been a submissive. I always liked the idea of a partner gaining weight and useing her size to dominate me. But I also had this feedee side. The difference was it remained for years in sort of an embryonic stage. It wasn't until I met big girls who were dominant and feeders that the seeds of that kink started to grow.

I first came on dims like 20 years ag, I was a teenager and relatively fit but I hated exercising. And I ate a lot. I had little self control when it came to food. I didn't gain weight, though. I must have had a really good metabolism. Then by my early to mid twenties I started talking to feedists online. My buddy list was like half female feeders lol. And a lot of my evenings were chatting online and eating. Then I started dating and my type was big girls that liked fat men and liked eating a lot. I think by that time I was about 260 lbs or so. But when I first joined dims I was less than 200. Now I'm over 400 lbs.
 

Shotha

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There were lots of fat men in our family and friends, when I was young. I thought that they were wonderful. I was also fascinated by fat characters, weight gain and inflation in films and cartoons.

By the time I was four years old, I started padding. I think that I identified more with inflation than getting fat but thought that inflation only happened in fantasy. So, I decided that I would get fat. If people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would reply "An astronaut." I longed to replay, "A fat man." However, I didn't think that it would be well received. I started padding at about the same time. While padded, I would fantasize about living in a colony of men, who were devoted to getting as fat as they possibly could. This colony would be either somewhere in America, where I thought that everything was possible, or in Japan because of sumo wrestling.

As these yearnings predated any sexual feeling, I presume that in my case, I appreciated the beauty of fat people independently of being sexually attracted to them.

When I reached puberty, I turned out to be gay and was attracted to fat men, especially the ones with big bellies. I still padded and I wanted to get fat but was too afraid to do anything about it. At university I started dating fat guys and had relationships with a few of them. I dated one thin guy. He was a lovely man but it didn't work out for me. I realized that my attraction was exclusively to fat men. Dating fat men was very enjoyable but it didn't fully satisfy me. I still padded and I think that this is revealing. I identified as a fat man and that was how I wanted the world to see me. My ideal relationship didn't require a fat man; it required two fat men.

Eventually I joined a sumo club. I longed to get my hands on the training diet. I started to put on weight and soon my relationships with fat men were much more satisfying.

Food plays a big part in my life. When I have been in a relationship, food has played a big part in our lives. Eating is, after all, how you put on weight. I want to grow forever. I'm quite definitely a gainer and I prefer to date other gainers. However, I don't identify as either a feeder or a feedee, because I don't feel inclined to feed or be fed as part of sexual intercourse.

For me being fat and dating fat men is central to my sexuality. However, being fat is very much part of my identity in general. I love being seen to be a fat man. I do everything I can to draw attention to how fat I am. I don't want to gain to immobility, because it would stop me from getting out and being seen to be fat.

And so, to summarize, I'm an FA and a gainer. I eat in order to get fatter but don't identify as a feedee or a feeder. My desire to get fat predates my sexual attraction to fat men.
 

Benny Mon

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Thanks @kilo riley @Shotha for your stories. It's fascinating to hear about how this plays out for different people. I think one theme of both of your stories is that fat kink isn't just one thing, but a big umbrella with many manifestations and motivations, and what's sexually satisfying about fatness can be different for different people. It might be about dominance and submission. It might be about food and fatness being linked to sensuous pleasure and aesthetic satisfaction before it becomes sexual.

For me, I think the kink has always been about the pleasure people take in their appetites, about getting lost in and overtaken by that pleasure, and seeing the ways it shows up on the body. As you says @Shotha, it's not so much about feeding or being fat as about fattening more generally. And maybe that's why, for me, it was possible for my kink to migrate to my own gluttony and gaining, in a way that would be difficult for someone very invested in being a feeder in the strict sense.
 

Shotha

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Thanks @kilo riley @Shotha for your stories. It's fascinating to hear about how this plays out for different people. I think one theme of both of your stories is that fat kink isn't just one thing, but a big umbrella with many manifestations and motivations, and what's sexually satisfying about fatness can be different for different people. It might be about dominance and submission. It might be about food and fatness being linked to sensuous pleasure and aesthetic satisfaction before it becomes sexual.

For me, I think the kink has always been about the pleasure people take in their appetites, about getting lost in and overtaken by that pleasure, and seeing the ways it shows up on the body. As you says @Shotha, it's not so much about feeding or being fat as about fattening more generally. And maybe that's why, for me, it was possible for my kink to migrate to my own gluttony and gaining, in a way that would be difficult for someone very invested in being a feeder in the strict sense.
As I'm still interested in padding and inflation, it would seem that I'm interested in growth - anything that makes a man big and round.
 

voluptuouslover

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Benny Mon........I was and am very much like yourself regarding this. I can pin point the second time this happened to me was primarily because of a lack of weight gain on my wife. I should also mention that over the years I have liked more and more weight gain on my wife or women that I am attracted to for that matter. My wife happens to be 5' 3" and was a curvy 115 lbs. when we met her hourglass figure turned more pear shaped with a big lower belly and huge breasts along with pillowy upper arms and thighs, hips and ass for days. Her highest weight was just past 200 lbs. which a while ago would have been way past my liking but nowadays I dream of her being 300+ lbs. So you see where I am going my sweet spot has more than doubled in many years with regard to weight.

My wife went back to work with a Managerial desk job after many years of raising our kids is I helped out with many more things around the house which I was accustomed to. Cooking us dinners was something I started doing regularly and I chose to make some hearty fattening dinners in hopes to get my wife started on the gaining path. I also did some of the grocery shopping and started buying all my wife favorite treats, Ben n jerrys, cookies, chocolates.....and it was actually an obscene amount....she stopped buying these for herself for a long time now. With the fattening cooking coupled with her eating all her favorite treats she began to pack on some lbs. along with her taking clients out for fattening high end lunches with her corporate expense card. I kept going and her appetite kept getting bigger and bigger. Funny thing was is mine did too.....I also began to have ice cream and cookies directly following dinner where we both would retire to the couch and munch away while we watched TV till we would go to bed. No I never had a sweet tooth like my wife but all of a sudden I did....in fact my wife came back from the grocery store one day and said "I got all your favorite treats Hon"...I thought to myself "What" she said since you start eating a lot of my Ben n jerrys and cookies I had to stock up on the flavors you seem to be eating all of. That was when I was in a bit of shock and realized I had a gut sticking out in front of me that made me look 12 months pregnant. Not only was I in shock but I was aroused like nothing else. I decided to intentionally gain from that point on....to see how Fat and how big I could get my Gut ....mostly to have my wife tease me, scold or reprimand me for getting so Big. I honestly believe what happened was a need crate from the lack of weight gain on my wife for many years.....and being that she was packing on the lbs. pretty fast now and getting Fat again I felt like I couldn't trust it 100% and began a new twist with it on myself and I became even more fixated on my wife seeing how Fat and big of a Gut I grew than I was even watching her get fatter at the moment. It was great we were eating buddies and both getting fatter.....she never really commented on my huge new Gut other than a couple times in an endearing way when she was slightly intoxicated. I didn't bring anything up because I didn't want to tip her off to how Fat she was getting becuase at this stage she was already past the point in her gain where she would try dieting and complaining about how Fat she has become again. This time was different she not only didn't complain but ate with reckless abandon....she was perfectly content not only allowing herself to get fatter but it almost seems like she was trying to fatten me up even more than I was doing to myself.

The only thing I could think is she liked making her husband big and Fat now and she didn't mind herself getting so Fat as long as I was doing it with her.
 

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