How were you in "the closet?"

Discussion in 'BBW/FA Board' started by Judge_Dre, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. Oct 14, 2019 #41

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

    Unbasher

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    Have there been conflicts between you and your skinny girlfriend because of your preference? Can you get excited about sex with her? My skinny husband and I still haven't found a solution since I came out to myself and him as an FFA.
     
  2. Oct 15, 2019 #42

    Broseph

    Broseph

    Broseph

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    Yes there are conflicts. In me—should I ask her to gain? Am I being selfish or unreasonable? And in the relationship. I think the first step has been coming out to my partner. I’ve done this. And I’ve asked her—tactfully, of course—if she could imagine gaining weight. I sort of knew she’d say no, but needed to ask anyway. This was about 3 months ago. She has put on weight since then—not intentionally. But I think she’s just being less strict about what she eats.

    She has never exactly been skinny—5‘6“ and maybe 170-180 now. But not at all big by my standards. Funny thing is now she sort of wants to drop the 10 or so pounds she’s gained. We’ll see as she’s not that motivated.

    I’ve noticed that as she gained this little bit of weight my attraction and sexual energy have gone through the roof. But yes—before I came out and when she was a little skinnier I could not really get excited about sex with her. As I’m sure you love your husband—I love her, so it’s not as simple as saying see you and finding a fat partner.

    It can be really frustrating sometimes as I tend to be remorseful that I didn’t come out sooner—it had to be after being in a relationship with someone great for a few years. I literally fear that if she loses weight I’ll lose interest. Sounds cold but I think this is one of the challenges of being an FA/FFA—getting this need met involves guilt and self-doubt and another person to play along (at least, this is my experience). And it’s not as simple as asking a partner to get a haircut.

    Great that you’ve come out. Just curious: When did you come out to him? I take it he is not ready to jump on board and gain? In any event, you’re not the only one struggling to get needs met. I imagine there are many others on this forum who’ve experienced this before. Could be a good thread topic. Way longer response than your questions warranted.
     
  3. Oct 15, 2019 #43

    LifelongFA

    LifelongFA

    LifelongFA

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    I have a few thoughts on this:

    1. Not all fat admirers are into gaining. While often paired, they are not always linked.
    2. I think it is not a good idea to get into a relationship with someone who is "not enough" for you in any area (not just appearances). It's always best to focus on someone you think is wonderful just the way they area. If you are thinking the grass is greener somewhere else or if this person needs to be changed to fit your desires, you are 100 percent headed for disaster.
    3. If you are wondering what the future holds, you can get a pretty good idea based on your partner's eating habits today. If they are very indulgent, you can bet that over time, they are very likely to gain weight, especially as they get into their 30s and 40s. If they are always counting calories, and seem to be able to control urges, you can bet they will probably do whatever it takes to keep from gaining significant weight over time.
    4. I know a lot of people get excited about controlling someone else, but as someone who has been around the "scene" for nearly 30 years, those type of relationships usually implode at some point.
    5. Foodees, in my view, are great potential gainers in that while they might not be intentional, they love food so much that the pleasure they experience from food is more important to them than what size they are or will become. Combined with a loving FA/FFA partner, you will likely see a SSBBW or BHM emerge over time.
     
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