I Am Struggling With Depression

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Surlysomething

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I actually reached out to a friend that is a social worker and asked for help in how to handle my family and the anger and emotion I have regarding their behaviour. I really hope that she can teach me some coping skills.

I was distraught yesterday over recent events and couldn't sleep last night for the worry and anxiety it brought me. :(


I'm just about done caring...
 

CarlaSixx

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Been reading a lot lately to get my mind off things. It's helped. I've finished 5 books in 2 weeks. I have a thing for the self-help and sociology sections of the library. Sometimes I venture into the biographies, but never into the fiction. No idea why. But that's alright.

On my last search for books, I ran across "I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY" by Paul McKenna. Have to say... of all the books for dealing with low moods and depression, his has been the best and most effective for me so far. It's a shame I didn't ask about the accompanying CD, cuz I'm sure I could have benefitted from that as well.

I definitely would recommend the book. It's not mindless repetitive jibber-jabber. It's really good, and the exercises are easy and effective.

It's about the only truly useful one I've found so far. I'm going to be on a quest for more books in a few hours. But after having gone into the deepest of my despair last weekend, it's nice to feel like things are looking up.

And really... anything is better than feeling like life is completely worthless. I can't believe just a week ago I was planning out a suicide and was completely paranoid. And by paranoid, I mean I thought people were going to attack me out of mowhere with knives, I thought getting out of bed would mean stepping on blades, etc etc. Real paranoia. SOOOOO glad it's over, but it's kind of crazy how quickly it seemed to have turned around.

I hope anyone who's dealing with the same feelings I had will have a turn around real soon, as well. It's so painful to not feel things properly. I hope you find something to help. I really do.

ETA: I'll be one year off meds at the end of September. While medication may have helped prevent my despair going as far as it did, I know it would have made me more like a zombie than anything else. Sometimes I wonder if medication is really worth taking in the first place?
 

Surlysomething

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I actually reached out to a friend that is a social worker and asked for help in how to handle my family and the anger and emotion I have regarding their behaviour. I really hope that she can teach me some coping skills.

I was distraught yesterday over recent events and couldn't sleep last night for the worry and anxiety it brought me. :(


I'm just about done caring...

I actually talked to a co-worker about this. Just getting it out made me feel better. I cowarded out and facebook messaged my friend (because I knew if I called I would cry like a little bitch) and at least we have opened up a line of communication about it. She thought I knew something I didn't and vice versa. I think we'll be ok.
 

Surlysomething

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It's come to my attention that people in my life question the struggle that comes with living with chronic conditions, so I posted up the Spoon Theory that the lovely Miss Vickie turned me onto. I see no other way to explain what it's like to live in a body that does things that you have no control over.

It's mind-boggling to me that people I love throw my health issues into my face and don't have an empathetic bone in their body.

Thanks, MV!!
 

Miss Vickie

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It's come to my attention that people in my life question the struggle that comes with living with chronic conditions, so I posted up the Spoon Theory that the lovely Miss Vickie turned me onto. I see no other way to explain what it's like to live in a body that does things that you have no control over.

It's mind-boggling to me that people I love throw my health issues into my face and don't have an empathetic bone in their body.

Thanks, MV!!
I'm glad I could help. I want to spread that message far and wide -- to patients so we have patience with ourselves, and to families. I think it's just such a beautiful illustration of what we go through.

I'm sorry people are being dickish though. You deserve better.
 

Surlysomething

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I'm glad I could help. I want to spread that message far and wide -- to patients so we have patience with ourselves, and to families. I think it's just such a beautiful illustration of what we go through.

I'm sorry people are being dickish though. You deserve better.
Unfortunately it totally went over their head and they still attacked me about my health.

C'est la vie! (I think it's a great theory myself :) )
 

Marlayna

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I stayed in bed all day with a crying attack that went on and on. I'm out of tears so I'm okay now, but I think it was ptsd from the past. I felt seven years old again, and terribly unhappy.
A totally unproductive day like that is a rarity nowadays, but never far from my mind.
 

Surlysomething

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I stayed in bed all day with a crying attack that went on and on. I'm out of tears so I'm okay now, but I think it was ptsd from the past. I felt seven years old again, and terribly unhappy.
A totally unproductive day like that is a rarity nowadays, but never far from my mind.
:(

I hope you're having a better day today.
 

Miss Vickie

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Unfortunately it totally went over their head and they still attacked me about my health.

C'est la vie! (I think it's a great theory myself :) )
Oh good grief! :doh: I think they don't want to get it. Same with my coworkers; because I look "normal", when I call in sick they think I'm malingering. As if a woman who has worked full time and gone to school full time knows how to malinger. :rolleyes:

They say you can't pick your family, but at least you have friends who understand.
 

Surlysomething

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Oh good grief! :doh: I think they don't want to get it. Same with my coworkers; because I look "normal", when I call in sick they think I'm malingering. As if a woman who has worked full time and gone to school full time knows how to malinger. :rolleyes:

They say you can't pick your family, but at least you have friends who understand.

Ha! These are actually my best friends doing it. They're ripping me apart because they're feeling guilty for the way I called them out on something else. It's pretty sad but I don't feel the need to justify anything with them about it. They don't live in this weird body of mine. So yeah, I get where you're coming from with your co-workers.
 

J34

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Summer usually brings me down, past couple of months have been rough. I have been stuck in neutral for a bit. Plus the dreams of recurring death doesn't make it any better :(
 

Surlysomething

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Summer usually brings me down, past couple of months have been rough. I have been stuck in neutral for a bit. Plus the dreams of recurring death doesn't make it any better :(

Why do you think that summer brings you down? In the past I had the exact same thing going on and wondered if I had reverse SAD disorder. Luckily it ended and I enjoy the summer once again.

Is there anyone that you can talk to?
 

J34

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Why do you think that summer brings you down? In the past I had the exact same thing going on and wondered if I had reverse SAD disorder. Luckily it ended and I enjoy the summer once again.

Is there anyone that you can talk to?
Well I am not a big fan of the heat, and summer usually. I always tend to stay inside and summer usually makes stay in mostly. I am quite fond of the rain, and fall and snow.

Well I can say that self diagnosis is not the right way to do things, but I can't afford a therapist. Though from the research that I have done and know, my depression started in Spring of 2009. I've tried as many things as recommended to get myself on track, but it has never really panned out. I am not much for routine and from what I know of my temperament I will usually stop if nothing seems to get better. I tried talking to my family, but they think it is nonsense. All it has done is just create a rift between myself and them. They believe that I am just making this up as an excuse not to do things, but it has severely effected my life especially in university and at work. So I know it is not just something made up.
 

Surlysomething

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I saw an unflattering picture of myself taken on a day that I thought I looked pretty. I was really upset about it last night and ended up waking up at 4:30 am tossing and turning and I felt distraught over it.

I'm still struggling this morning with an overwhelming self hatred. :(
 

thatgirl08

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I saw an unflattering picture of myself taken on a day that I thought I looked pretty. I was really upset about it last night and ended up waking up at 4:30 am tossing and turning and I felt distraught over it.

I'm still struggling this morning with an overwhelming self hatred. :(
I wish I had advice to give but unfortunately, I don't know what the answer is. I can tell you I have days like this all the time .. I'll be feeling fine and then a bad picture of me or maybe a random glance in the mirror will leave me feeling upset. Just wanted to let you know youre not alone.
 

CarlaSixx

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I let the monster back in.

I was doing alright. But my mother drags me down, and then I think too much... and everything goes to Hell.

Some girls would kill to be in my current situation. I know that, but I'm still extremely unhappy. I think my situation actually brought my depression back full on. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I don't wanna just drop all the guys I've been seeing. It gives me something to do. But at the same time... It must not be worth it if all it's doing is making me fall into a deeper depression.
 

Surlysomething

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I wish I had advice to give but unfortunately, I don't know what the answer is. I can tell you I have days like this all the time .. I'll be feeling fine and then a bad picture of me or maybe a random glance in the mirror will leave me feeling upset. Just wanted to let you know youre not alone.
Thanks, girlie. Sometimes I just avoid mirrors and pictures altogether. :(

I'm always pleasantly surprised when I see a picture of myself and it's what I think I really look like in my head. I'm ok today though...I had to let it go or it was going to do me in.
 

Mishty

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I saw an unflattering picture of myself taken on a day that I thought I looked pretty. I was really upset about it last night and ended up waking up at 4:30 am tossing and turning and I felt distraught over it.

I'm still struggling this morning with an overwhelming self hatred. :(

I hate this shit so much. :(
Havin' a day where you're feeling some what adorable and someone snaps a picture and instantly I feel like an ogre. Ruins my entire attitude.
 

Surlysomething

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I hate this shit so much. :(
Havin' a day where you're feeling some what adorable and someone snaps a picture and instantly I feel like an ogre. Ruins my entire attitude.
It really pushed me close to the edge. :( Like close enough to source out breast reduction surgery and all sorts of other shit that screwed with my brain. It's the constant everything telling you how wrong you are. It's even family members who every time they see you they say "you lost weight!" like it's my goal in life and that i'm a good girl because of it.

Just when i'm at that place where i'm exhausted with fat shame....it rears it's ugly head.
 
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