It is years since I last frequented this forum, but I am glad to see it is still here and still going strong. Even when I was on here previously, I was predominantly a lurker, posting only the occasional response to someone else's posts, so I don't think I've ever actually instigated a post myself, but here goes...
Does anyone have an idea why it is that so many BBWs/BHMs or just plain FAs seem to find fat attractive on other people, yet hate it on themselves? Why is it so hard to place the same values on your own appearance as on those you find attractive?
Although I have only ever had relationships with men (or boys, as the case may be!), I would describe myself as bisexual, and the women I am attracted to are never thin, unless they are in the process of gaining weight. I don't find SSBBWs attractive, my limit being somewhere in the region of 200-250 lbs depending on the bone structure and weight distribution of the girl. I love hour-glass shapes with soft tummies, chubby thighs, generous breasts, possibly the makings of a double chin. I have felt this way as long as I can remember, certainly back to when I was at primary school.
Yet when it comes to my own body, I hate my fat, and have done for just as long as I have found fat attractive on other girls. I suffered from anorexia in my teens, and I don't think you ever truly get over that, only learn to cope. With the exception of my first year at University, where I somehow managed to throw off my inhibitions for nine months (and eat up to five meals a day, losing two-and-a-half stone (35lbs) in the process - go figure!), I have been on one diet after another my entire life.
I have been everything from 196lbs to just over 300lbs, and all over the place in between. I'm currently 273lbs, and am successfully losing weight at the moment (down from 285lbs this time around), but that always lasts only until another self-confidence crisis overtakes my head, and it then becomes a choice between slipping back into the dark world of anorexia, or just eating whatever my boyfriend puts in front of me, until my head is back in a place where I am capable of sensibly dieting.
I am so fed up of yo-yo-ing between feeling good enough about myself to diet sensibly, losing weight at a nice steady rate, and feeling s**t about myself and wanting to stop eating altogether. When that happens, my control mechanism is not to have to think about food at all, hence needing to rely on my other half to choose the food, and then I just eat what he puts in front of me. When my head is in its dark place, any attempt on my part to think about what I might want to eat results in me wanting nothing whatsoever to do with food.
Each year I get closer to acceptance, but I'm still a long way off. I nearly went into a complete tail-spin a couple of weeks back, because I had the sacreligious thought that perhaps I could just stop dieting and let what will be will be. The thought was there for literally a fraction of a second before it was gone, but even the fact that it had been there upset my careful balancing act, and I am amazed that I have managed to pull myself back from that. That in itself is a sign of how far I have come, that I didn't completely fall off the wagon as a result of a stupid little thought.
Okay, enough rambling. Apologies to those of you who have heard all this sort of stuff before, and are utterly bored by it, but I'm not sure where else I can post this kind of thing.
Heidi
Does anyone have an idea why it is that so many BBWs/BHMs or just plain FAs seem to find fat attractive on other people, yet hate it on themselves? Why is it so hard to place the same values on your own appearance as on those you find attractive?
Although I have only ever had relationships with men (or boys, as the case may be!), I would describe myself as bisexual, and the women I am attracted to are never thin, unless they are in the process of gaining weight. I don't find SSBBWs attractive, my limit being somewhere in the region of 200-250 lbs depending on the bone structure and weight distribution of the girl. I love hour-glass shapes with soft tummies, chubby thighs, generous breasts, possibly the makings of a double chin. I have felt this way as long as I can remember, certainly back to when I was at primary school.
Yet when it comes to my own body, I hate my fat, and have done for just as long as I have found fat attractive on other girls. I suffered from anorexia in my teens, and I don't think you ever truly get over that, only learn to cope. With the exception of my first year at University, where I somehow managed to throw off my inhibitions for nine months (and eat up to five meals a day, losing two-and-a-half stone (35lbs) in the process - go figure!), I have been on one diet after another my entire life.
I have been everything from 196lbs to just over 300lbs, and all over the place in between. I'm currently 273lbs, and am successfully losing weight at the moment (down from 285lbs this time around), but that always lasts only until another self-confidence crisis overtakes my head, and it then becomes a choice between slipping back into the dark world of anorexia, or just eating whatever my boyfriend puts in front of me, until my head is back in a place where I am capable of sensibly dieting.
I am so fed up of yo-yo-ing between feeling good enough about myself to diet sensibly, losing weight at a nice steady rate, and feeling s**t about myself and wanting to stop eating altogether. When that happens, my control mechanism is not to have to think about food at all, hence needing to rely on my other half to choose the food, and then I just eat what he puts in front of me. When my head is in its dark place, any attempt on my part to think about what I might want to eat results in me wanting nothing whatsoever to do with food.
Each year I get closer to acceptance, but I'm still a long way off. I nearly went into a complete tail-spin a couple of weeks back, because I had the sacreligious thought that perhaps I could just stop dieting and let what will be will be. The thought was there for literally a fraction of a second before it was gone, but even the fact that it had been there upset my careful balancing act, and I am amazed that I have managed to pull myself back from that. That in itself is a sign of how far I have come, that I didn't completely fall off the wagon as a result of a stupid little thought.
Okay, enough rambling. Apologies to those of you who have heard all this sort of stuff before, and are utterly bored by it, but I'm not sure where else I can post this kind of thing.
Heidi
