I'm feeling kind of strange. I feel great, but kind of guilty at the same time. About 11 months ago--I discovered (via FA and HAES boards/blogs) the truth about dieting--that it had only made me fatter and put a lot of stress on my body along the way--in response I kicked the whole notion of dieting out of my life...
This decision set a LOT of things in motion...
I started eating more... whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted...
I started gaining...
To date--I've gained 50 pounds... gone from 5.9" / 210 to 260--and some very interesting things have happened in the process...
My appetite has expanded---All this eating I've done has just made me hungrier! I just eat more now...
I've discovered that I like my fat. I didn't really now how it would feel to have a big belly, multiple chins... thighs that rub, etc... but now--on this side of things---I like it.
My lifestyle has changed to... I didn't plan to change it. It just changed. I find myself sitting more. It take a lot more energy to haul my big body off the couch now.. so I sit and eat more----which of course will cause me to grow even more---this scares part of me... but it totally excites another part of me...
I have discovered belly play---and I love it. Not in a sexual way--I just like playing with my big soft juggly belly... and the thought of it getting bigger makes me smile.
My commitment to health and exercise have grown stronger than ever. I know this sounds like a contradiction---but I'm totally committed to being a fit fattie. I walk 4-5 days a week (about 2 miles)... my goal is to have a big, soft, massive body---with a strong, well--tuned cardiovascular system inside... Is this crazy? I've read lots of studies that seem to say this is quite doable!
So--the bottom line is---via my decision to quit dieting and start eating--I've become fat and discovered how much I enjoy it... and now I find myself all fixated on wanting to get fatter (300 pounds just sounds awesome)---while at the same time wanting to devlope and maintain strong fitness level...
I would love to hear your thoughts. Have you had similar experiences, thoughts, etc.?
Thanks!
This decision set a LOT of things in motion...
I started eating more... whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted...
I started gaining...
To date--I've gained 50 pounds... gone from 5.9" / 210 to 260--and some very interesting things have happened in the process...
My appetite has expanded---All this eating I've done has just made me hungrier! I just eat more now...
I've discovered that I like my fat. I didn't really now how it would feel to have a big belly, multiple chins... thighs that rub, etc... but now--on this side of things---I like it.
My lifestyle has changed to... I didn't plan to change it. It just changed. I find myself sitting more. It take a lot more energy to haul my big body off the couch now.. so I sit and eat more----which of course will cause me to grow even more---this scares part of me... but it totally excites another part of me...
I have discovered belly play---and I love it. Not in a sexual way--I just like playing with my big soft juggly belly... and the thought of it getting bigger makes me smile.
My commitment to health and exercise have grown stronger than ever. I know this sounds like a contradiction---but I'm totally committed to being a fit fattie. I walk 4-5 days a week (about 2 miles)... my goal is to have a big, soft, massive body---with a strong, well--tuned cardiovascular system inside... Is this crazy? I've read lots of studies that seem to say this is quite doable!
So--the bottom line is---via my decision to quit dieting and start eating--I've become fat and discovered how much I enjoy it... and now I find myself all fixated on wanting to get fatter (300 pounds just sounds awesome)---while at the same time wanting to devlope and maintain strong fitness level...
I would love to hear your thoughts. Have you had similar experiences, thoughts, etc.?
Thanks!
